The Pinkish Green Saga
by dance of isis
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke never gets jealous. Haruno Sakura is never obsessive. That's their excuse. Their friends know they are delusional. SASUSAKU
1. she of extreme obsessiveness and pink

Uchiha Sasuke never gets jealous. Haruno Sakura is never obsessive. Their friends know they are delusional.

* * *

**I AM GOING TO KILL HIM.**

**KILL.**

**KILL.**

**KIIIIIILL.**

…

…

I.

CANNOT.

BELIEVE.

IT.

…

(Actually, considering it's Naruto, I _can_.)

HE. WILL. DIE.

* * *

If you're wondering about this homicidal-ness, then _don't_. If you dedicate thinking time to Naruto, you're just going to end up worse off than you started. 

Let's not worry about him anymore.

He's redundant.

* * *

Instead, let me introduce you to my sole reason of living: 

**Uchiha Sasuke.**

(Cue the drooling.)

He makes life seem so pretty.

Yes. I think it's love.

* * *

To: all my girl friends (inobabexoxo, bun-gurl-02, hina-hina-chan, blonde bombshell)  
From: the lovely cherry blossom (prettyprincess77)  
Subject: **INO-PIG, I'M LOOKING AT YOU**

_Who _told Uzumaki Naruto about my being in love with Sasuke-kun?

Who?

_Who?_

**WHO?**

When I find you, I will murder you. Oh, and by the way Hinata, I still have your shoes that I borrowed. I'll drop them off later this afternoon, yeah?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––_You_, Ino, will be going down if it was you. **BECAUSE I BET IT WAS. **I mean, even if you don't crush on Sasuke-kun anymore, you are practically evil.

Remind me, why am I friends with you again?

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Are you PMS-ing or what? 

_Relax._

I didn't tell fox-boy anything. What, you think I actually socialise with him? That's _your _thing. He probably figured it out by himself.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––No offence, girl, but you are the most obvious fangirl I've ever met. Oh, sorry, I mean _devotee_.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: the lovely cherry blossom (prettyprincess77)  
Subject: NO! But I would really like some Ben and Jerry's 

INO, IT'S UZUMAKI NARUTO.

**UZUMAKI NARUTO.**

The day he figures out anything even remotely romance-related by himself is the day I eat my entire wardrobe, _including _my favourite heels.

You know how convicted I am when I make threats against the heels.

**I WILL MURDER WHOEVER IT **_**WAS**_**, THOUGH.**

Hey, do you think it was someone with a grudge against me? Because now Naruto knows, I will _never _(and I mean never) live it down. I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. Except for my girls, of course.

But that's different.

I mean, _Naruto?_

Ugh.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I AM NOT A FANGIRL. Fangirls are superficial. I, on the other hand, am completely in love with Sasuke-kun's looks _and _personality. He is practically suffering an emotional death. He _needs _a soul-mate to open up his heart and to help him explore the world and its endless possibilities!

…okay, I think I just went too far. I am in no way suggesting I am Sasuke-kun's soul-mate and I also think he's kind of an asshole personality-wise, but _I am not a fangirl_.

See what you do to me when you make me defend myself, pig?

* * *

So _now _you see what happened? 

**Now **you see why Uzumaki Naruto is just not to be worried about?

(A fact: he is best friends with Sasuke-kun. He's also the school's loudmouth. He _also _bugs me to buy him ramen––he is **obsessive**––and when I don't, seeks to exploit me somehow.

But this time…

**HE WENT TOO FAR.**

His words: "So Sakura-chan, you got the hots for the bastard? I thought _you _were different. Guess not. I was told you were totally in love with him!"

Ugh.)

School is bad enough without the added pressure of the guys in my grade teasing me. I have _never _joined the Uchiha Sasuke Fan Club, so no one except my closest friends have ever known.

Um.

**RIGHT.**

Because while _other _girls are really freakishly _obvious, _I don't want to reduce myself to that. Because I want Sasuke-kun to notice me in a way that's not 'just-back-the-hell-off'-ish.

…my friends say I'm obsessive. But I'm totally not.

Sasuke-kun is '**worth it**'.

And plus, he actually _speaks _to me, considering I am friends with Naruto and Naruto is like the only person he can stand!

(Which surprises me. A lot. Someone like Sasuke-kun isn't supposed to befriend someone like Naruto…

It just defies a lot of principles.)

See? See?

I am _not _a fangirl.

* * *

_Do you have the answer for question three? –S.U _

It's 53.5! (At least that's what I got. The book gives a different answer.)–Sakura-chan

_Hn. The book doesn't give an answer rounded to a decimal place. It's wrong.–S.U_

How'd you tell that, Sasuke-kun?–Sakura-chan

_The question tells you to round to one decimal place. Obviously, that makes the book wrong considering it's a whole number. Therefore your answer's right.–S.U_

Oh. Um, thanks!–Sakura-chan

…_I was just stating the facts, Sakura.–S.U

* * *

_

(See what kind of insightful conversations we have?

**WE ARE INTELLECTUALS. WE DISCUSS INTELLIGENT THINGS.**

What_ever_. I know you don't believe me.)

* * *

**5/7: sakura's domain and her own private hellhole **

So I kind of ran out of space in my old diary, and had to get a new one. I know, I know, it's so lame-ish to have a diary and stuff. Well, I want something that's just…mine. Somewhere where I can share my stories without having my friends know about it.

(AND WHATEVER, YOU'RE AN INANIMATE OBJECT, YOU CAN'T TALK.)

And here's my compromise. So, I better start by introducing myself all over again, right?

I'm Haruno Sakura, if you haven't figured that out, and am attending GKA! The Grand Konoha Academy. It's actually not that grand. I don't even know why they _call _it grand. The full name? You want to know the full name? The Grand Konoha Academy for Respectable and Intelligent Young Men and Women.

But whatever.

(I think if I ever heard anyone _seriously _call it that, I would puke.

The name also makes me wonder how the hell _Naruto _got accepted. He's like the antitheses of respectable and intelligent.)

I'm fifteen, currently single (because, duh, Sasuke-kun is like impervious to flirtation and I'm not interested in anyone else) and I am awesome. Practically the most awesome individual ever.

And I have _pink_ hair. Now how many people do you know to have pink hair? (That is _technically _natural, but I'm sure my mother secretly dyes it when I'm asleep or something, because she wants me to become a ballerina or a beauty pageant queen.)

So that's basically all you need to know right now. Considering I will most probably be getting around to explaining the aspects of my life as I come to them.

(LIKE SASUKE-KUN. Well, I'm sure your other diary friends have already filled you in on Sasuke-kun, because he is a subject of debate _a lot_.

So much, in fact, I might have to hide this diary in case it is ever stolen.

You know who would do it?

**INO-PIG WOULD DO IT. AND SHE WOULD ALSO SHOW IT TO SASUKE-KUN.**

Because my theory is that she is secretly evil. Hence why I call her Ino-pig. Actually, I think that's a hangover from when she called me billboard brow and forehead girl. I remain convicted that _it's not that freakin' big_.)

AND, UM, I AM STILL VERY MUCH ANGRY AT NARUTO.

**The Goss on Meeting Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke: **Naruto and I 'bonded' at a young age when I gave him some of my ramen, because I didn't have my usual bento box. Yes, you heard me (read it) right.

I WAS THE ONE TO INTRODUCE HIM TO RAMEN.

…I think I'm really regretting that right now.

Seriously. _Seriously._

Anyway, Sasuke-kun would always get jealous that I was sharing with Naruto, because people didn't like sharing things with him (he bit them if they gave him something he didn't like, and he practically only ate tomatoes). So he would always come over and sort of demand some of what I was eating. And the three of us had this sharing lunch thing (except that Sasuke-kun never offered us any of his––we had to steal it––and he mostly demanded _my _lunch).

Sasuke-kun was always kind of grumpy when he was a kid. Well, I mean, he still is now––but the moment I fell in love with him?

Was when he gave me his cake because it was my birthday. And we were six.

He said it was 'cause he didn't like sweets.

(BUT I KNOW BETTER. IT'S A SIGN, I TELL YOU.)

So yeah, I've kind of been good friends with the two of them. But then when I started hanging out with Ino when we were eight, I kinda drifted apart from them. Or Sasuke-kun, at least. (I think he felt betrayed. WHY DID I DO THAT AGAIN? Oh well.)

Wait.

I think mum's calling me.

(She probably set the stove on fire, or something…_seriously_.)

Love from your glorious and utterly beautiful **master**,  
Haruno Sakura (slash the **pretty princess**)

* * *

**Foxydemon: **so sup sakura-chan? 

**The-Pretty-Princess: **You are _seriously _deluded if you think I'm gonna talk to you, Uzumaki!

**Foxydemon: **wait what'd i do?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Everything.

**Foxydemon: **is this 'bout the sasuke thing? i swear, no one told me! i was kidding!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **And pigs fly. (I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YEAH?) Sorry, but I kind of have to go (and prepare my murder weapon).

_The-Pretty-Princess has signed off._

**Foxydemon: **wait no!

_The message could not be received as the recipient is offline.

* * *

_

Sasuke-kun and I? _We_ are destined.

AND NARUTO DIES.

* * *

A/N: So this is the first chapter of a completely random SasuSaku I started. I, like, _really _need humour right now. I hope you like! Yes, you will see Sasuke's jealousy in future chapters. Promise! indenial!Sasuke is fun, but jealous!Sasuke is funner. AND SASUSAKU IS MY OTP I SWEAR. 


	2. jealousy comes out to play with the kids

**6/7: the land of OMG**

OMG.

_OMG._

NEW STUDENT!

…seriously. No. _Seriously_.

He looks almost _exactly _like Sasuke-kun, _and _he's nicer … well, almost. He called me Ugly when I introduced myself today. Seriously. He said "Hey, Ugly" and that was that. But then he smirked and did that _smouldering look_, like, the one that I imagine would look really hot on Sasuke-kun. So I basically swooned, because he's a lot more open than Sasuke-kun, and while he is still an asshole, he is a more _sociable _asshole because he actually––

Well, anyway. It's not like I'm moving from one crush to another, but _whoa_. As Sasuke-kun doesn't seem to be making his move anytime soon, and a girl could go _crazy _before someone as dense as him realises his undying love for me, I just _may _go for this new student.

SERIOUSLY. HE IS HOT. AND SMOULDERINGLY SEXY.

THAT IS EPIC WIN.

So. I was wondering how exactly to pose the idea of a fling with the freakishly hot Sasuke-kun-look-alike, and he comes up to me during Art class.

Him: "Nice painting."

Me: "Oh, um, well … _thankyou_."

Him: "Good job, Ugly." (Cue the smirk and _**smouldering look! **_EEGASP) "It's better than anyone else's here, almost."

Me: (Blush, blush, _blush_).

SEE? HE MADE ME _BLUSH. _No guy has ever said anything nice enough to me to make me blush before!

…well, Naruto has. But that's beside the point because he's a moron.

But now I'm thinking. I'm a genius. _What _can't I achieve?

(My target: Sai. Sai-of-the-last-name-of-which-I-do-not-know. Sai, he who looks like Sasuke-kun. Sai of the perfected smouldering look. This is just so much win it is not funny.)

Love from your master, she who has an awesome life,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Sai?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Ah, Ugly. How are you?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Fine, fine! Well, actually, I mean … um, I wasn't paying attention when Kurenai-sensei assigned the homework for Art class. I was wondering if you could enlighten me…?

**Art-Class-Freak: **It's Art, Sakura. We don't _have _homework until we get a proper project.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh! Um, oops. I forgot. (You called me by my _name_.)

**Art-Class-Freak: **Whatever, Ugly. (A synaptic breakdown).

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Anyway…considering the lack of Art homework means I am very much free this weekend, how 'bout we go see a movie or something? I mean, I _would _ask one of my friends, considering I've only _just _met you … but they are all busy.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Hm. Sure. Pick you up at eight on Saturday?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh! Sure! That'd be, um … awesome.

**Art-Class-Freak: **See you then, Ugly.

_Art-Class-Freak has signed off. _

_aaa_

She runs.

She _shoots_––

SHE SCORES!

(Shut up. I know nothing about sports.)

Life is awesome. Life could not get better. Well, it could. Like, Sasuke-kun could knock on the door right now and confess his undying love for me and then heatedly make out with me, and _that _would make life _practically perfect._

But no. Considering there's a less than zero percent chance of that ever happening, I WILL SETTLE FOR THIS.

**CHA! **

aaa

…Okay. Ugh. One more day of school till the weekend comes.

So I'm sitting in info tech right now listening to my teacher babble on about … well, _stuff_. (Yes. I _do _know what he's talking about––but Asuma-sensei sprays ash every time he opens his mouth, so I am kind of sitting at the back and getting bored.)

At least Sasuke-kun is in this class.

Hell, he's in just about _all _my classes.

(So I looked over his shoulder when he was signing up for courses and picked all the subjects he was taking that I actually _liked _and was good at. See? It _works_!)

He's currently IM-ing Naruto, and not paying attention to Asuma-sensei, either. Well, put a bunch of teenagers in a room of computers with a sensei that doesn't give a shit what you do, and what do you _expect _to happen? Seriously. _Seriously_.

Hmm. My _spider senses are tingling_…

Sakura could be bad right now.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: the lovely cherry blossom (prettyprincess77)  
Subject: **LIFE IS GOOD, INO-PIG. YEAHH.**

I so hope you are in the library during your study period, and have access to the computer. BECAUSE I HAVE BEAUTIFUL NEWS AND YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT, LIKE, **NOW.**

**SAKURA AND SAI EQUAL GOING ON A DATE. **On Saturday. At _night_.

TO THE MOVIES.

(Gotta love the sporadic punctuation, don't cha, Ino-pig?)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––No, I don't love Sai outside of average superficial adoration. And yes, I am still truly madly deeply _in love _with Sasuke-kun. But give a girl a break, devotion means _nothing _if it is one-sided!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: No need to _bold _everything!

Yes, Sakura, I am on the computer. IM-ing Shikamaru, actually. (He called in sick, but is apparently just _too lazy to come to school_. Whatever.)

SAI? The _new _kid? Damnit, _I _was kind of thinking of laying some of the moves on him … you sneaky temptress.

But if 'nothing outside of average superficial adoration' is what she-of-romantic-morals feels for Sai-of-no-last-name, then why is it such that she has asked him on a _date? _You feeling downhearted because Sasuke is so dense?

Hmm.

WAIT. I HAVE AN IDEA.

You are obviously depressed about getting your hopes up and fantasising about he-who-has-a-libido-made-of-bricks. (I _know _you, Sakura. Don't try to deny it.) So you are setting yourself up to be a friend with benefits to our dear hot boy, Sai.

But now you have an ulterior motive, courtesy of your wonderfully magnificent friend, Ino.

JEALOUSY. YES. SAKURA WILL USE HER FEMININE WILES.

And Sasuke will _fall_.

Yes?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––I agree. Devotion is passé.

* * *

To: the idiotic one (inobabexoxo)  
From: the lovely cherry blossom (prettyprincess77)  
Subject: You have been watching too many movies

AS _IF!_

But…hmm, actually…

No. Sakura is _not _thinking about it. Sakura is not letting her crazy psychotic friend talk her into embarking on a crazy psychotic venture because in her friend's crazy psychotic dream-world it actually works. (Which it doesn't in _reality_).

(But … um, maybe just a test run, you think?)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

Asuma-sensei has been droning on and _on _about a nonsensical topic for the past ten minutes. And Ino-pig is being a pig and not replying, which is very typical of her.

I sigh, leaning back in my chair and tilting my head back. It is now Asuma-sensei decides to make a point in his endless rant.

"––Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke! Since neither of you are working on your appropriate projects, you can stay after school in _detention_!"

My eyes snap open.

Oh, _hell _no.

* * *

**UGH. I HATE SCHOOL AND LIFE AND INO-PIG AND **_**NARUTO!**_

…not Sasuke-kun, though. _Never _Sasuke-kun.

(My heart belongs to him. No, seriously. If he should choose to take it, I _will _be waiting. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna have myself a fun time with Sai-of-incredible-hotness first. And it _also _doesn't mean Sakura will be a good girl and not try to accidentally-on-purpose jealousify him.

Which isn't a word.

_Whatever_.)

Ino-pig is currently laughing at me, after I retold the traumatising story of my impending detention with Asuma-sensei and Sasuke-kun. Although if the story was lacking Asuma-sensei, and involved Sasuke-kun and myself locked in a room together, I can say it would be considerably less traumatising.

For me, anyway.

"Now listen, Sakura," Ino begins, in all seriousness. "When you have your detention with Sasuke after school, you _have _to mention your date."

I'm lying on my stomach on the grass, lazily letting her words process in my mind. "Why?" I ask tiredly, as she flops down next to me. Graciously, of course, because while I am the epitome of all things clumsy, Ino is not. (Stupid bitch.

Aw, I love her really.)

"You're not going to make him jealous if he doesn't _know _about it, duh," Ino snorts. "Geez, did your parents drop you on your overly large forehead as a baby or something?"

"Shut up about the forehead!" I grouch, before sighing. "Yes, but _how _am I gonna mention it to Sasuke-kun? I can't just be all, 'oh, look at me, I have a _date_'-ish! He will just wonder why I am bothering to waste my breath on it."

"That's _exactly _what you have to do," Ino tells me sagely, holding her index finger up as if she is about to make some insightful philosophical point that will bring the world to its knees. Or maybe me to _mine_. "You have to flaunt it, make it obvious you enjoy the fact you're going on it, but act as if it's not a big deal. If you squeal and obsess and stuff like you _usually _do, he will just think it's pathetic."

"I do _not _obsess," I sniff.

"Yes, you do," my blonde companion, she of perfect glossiness in thy hair, sighs. "You _obsess_. Like a _fangirl_––" I open my mouth to protest against this _blatant _insult. "And don't say it's not true, Sakura. Like, um, for the past seven or so years of your existence, you have been completely and utterly in love with Uchiha Sasuke, and only _now _are you getting impatient enough with it to try and make him jealous. That is full-time _obsession_, Haruno Sakura."

I close my mouth again, slowly.

How can I _argue _against something that makes a lot of sense if you think about it? (Which I'm totally not, because I do not agree with Ino. I'm not getting _impatient _with loving Sasuke-kun, I am just getting _annoyed_. Which is basically the same thing, but whatever. I want some _fun _while I'm a teenager.)

"So," Ino continues. "You have to make it look as though you're _not _obsessing over this, because if I know anything about you, Sakura, it's that you tend to go really _overboard _when you are trying to get a point across. Hell, even _Naruto _notices."

I glare at her. Adding a pout. Ino-pig _knows _I hate it when she degrades me to _Naruto's _standards. Naruto is a sign of all the things I just do not understand about the world. Seriously.

"_Fine_," I hiss, and do my best to pull off the bitchy-girl attitude. "I will try and not look 'obsessive', as you call it. But I _still _think I'm not."

"_De-ni-al_," Ino says in a singsong voice.

I grumble.

**LIFE SUCKS.**

(Now if only Sasuke-kun would sweep me off my feet and kiss all my troubles away … now _that _would be true perfection.)

* * *

**7/7: in the room of the clock which ticks incessantly **

I am completely _serious _about that clock.

IT DOESN'T STOP.

(I fail to realise why this should be the point of clocks. It's really _annoying_.)

So Asuma-sensei _says _we have to write lines and stuff, something about 'not disobeying class rules', but he is also the inventor of chain-smoking, so he's unto about his tenth cigarette. He will probably leave to buy more from the vendor down the street soon, because he shrivels and stuff when you deprive him of nicotine.

And I'm REALLY BORED.

I could be organising an outfit with Ino right now––something ridiculously cute and spunky, which makes me seem innocent and slightly flirtatious. Yes. I have settled for _that _look. Come on, boys. You know you love it. You do.

(JUST HUMOUR ME, YEAH?)

Ugh.

I'm so bored that I am debating sending Sasuke-kun a note about nothing in particular. But considering he keeps sending Looks of Death to the clock, he is about as annoyed with it as I am. In fact, if looks could kill, that clock would have melted and become debris-of-a-once-clock right about now.

Hmm. But sending Sasuke-kun a note…

I could point out my own boredom, so he could see that we are in the same situation of debating the possibilities of dying via being impossibly bored, and _then _mention something about a la date. (With Sai of incredible freakish _fantastically _yummy sexiness.

Not to say that Sasuke-kun isn't incredibly freakishly fantasically yummily sexy, but you know.

I don't have a _date _with Sasuke-kun.)

UGH. ASUMA-SENSEI, **DIEEE.**

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CATCH ME OUT THE ONE TIME I _WASN'T _DOING SCHOOLWORK?

Life is unfair.

Love from your captivatingly stunning master,  
Haruno Sakura (you know you want to kiss me, boys)

* * *

I am _really, really _bored right now. Are you?–Sakura-chan.

_Yes._–S.U.

I could be doing constructive things right now!–Sakura-chan.

_Like what?_–S.U.

(I know he's only humouring me because he's as bored as I am, _but_–

SAKURA, GET READY TO SCORE YOUR SECOND **TRIUMPH**.)

Well, I have a date tomorrow, so I need to consult Ino about fashion advice and things. This detention is at a really annoying juncture in my life.–Sakura-chan

…_Date? With who?_–S.U

Oh, you know. That new boy. Sai.–Sakura-chan

(OH MY GOSH, I AM SO **SMOOTH**. Isn't that right, ladies and gentlemen?

Yes.

Yes, it is.)

_You are going on a __**date **__with that guy?_–S.U.

Hmm. Yes. Is something wrong? You just broke your pencil, Sasuke-kun.–Sakura-chan

…_nothing is wrong._–S.U.

Oh. Okay.–Sakura-chan

(DAMNIT. THAT WAS _NOT _THE ANSWER I WAS EXPECTING.)

_Asuma-sensei is coming to check our lines, Sakura. Have you done them?–S.U._

Oh, err, no! Crap. I'll do them now.–Sakura-chan

(HE CHANGED THE _SUBJECT_.

WHAT A FAIL.)

* * *

Ino doesn't seem to agree with me about my total failure. According to her, Sasuke-kun is in as much denial about the whole thing as I am.

"What?" I blink at her, although she is on the phone and cannot see this action. _Whatever. _"I am not _denying _anything! I have always fully embraced the fact that I am hopelessly in love with Sasuke-kun. You're not making any sense, Ino-pig."

"Whatever, Forehead-girl," Ino sighs. She does that a lot, I realise. "That wasn't what I meant. Just wait. You'll see."

* * *

You'll see?

YOU'LL SEE?

_WHAT KIND OF USELESS ADVICE IS __**THAT? **_

**_aaa_**

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Dobe. I swear.

…Sakura has a date with that new guy. Sai.

I don't like him.

What the hell, Naruto? How could you let this happen? Dobe.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: HUH?

OUR SAKURA-CHAN,_ DEFILED _BY THAT CREEPY ART GUY?

And what do you mean, how could _I _let this happen? If you haven't noticed, Sakura-chan is really pissed at me at the moment 'cause I––well, yeah, never mind.

_You're _the one who never talks to her.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––Hmm, do I sense a tinge of the _green-eyed monster? _

aaa

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Ugh 

'Our Sakura-chan'? Dobe.

And have you been reading the dictionary again? Because I have told you before, it is creepy.

We have to do something about this.

That new guy is bad news. Sakura can't _date _him.

And I am not _jealous_, dobe. I have absolutely no reason to be.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: **UM, YOU ARE DROWNING IN DENIAL. HAHA.**

Teme, why _else _would you not want that guy to date her? Seriously.

BUT NO. I AM GONNA KILL THAT SLIMY CREEPY BASTARD WHO IS TRYING TO LAY HIS HANDS ON POOR, DEFENCELESS SAKURA-CHAN––

I, unlike you, am very open about my feelings.

Luckily, I've accepted it's just not going to work. Hey, maybe _you _can be her gallant knight in shining armour!

Sasuke is jealous, Sasuke is jealous!

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: I have no words for you

Stop reading the dictionary.

Now.

And just _do something about it_ before she goes on the actual date.

I have a clan meeting, anyway.

* * *

**Foxydemon: **hey sakura-chan!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Yes, Uzumaki? (And no, I am _not _forgiving you.)

**Foxydemon: **nah its not 'bout that. but uhh sasuke wanted me 2 tell u something

**The-Pretty-Princess: **And that is?

**Foxydemon: **he … uhh … wanted 2 say that u hafta go over 2 his house 2morrow nite because he has something v. important 2 tell u!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **_Really?_

**Foxydemon: **uh huh sure. he told me just then!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **But I'm kind of busy tomorrow night… hmm. Tell him that I'll drop by before my date, but I can't stay for long?

**Foxydemon: **sure thing sakura-chan

* * *

OH MY GOSH.

**OH.**

**MY.**

**GOSH.**

IS THIS _REALITY?_

HAVE I FALLEN INTO AN AMAZING DREAM?

_Sasuke-kun _wants me to _go over to his house _at _night time?_

Screw the fact I have a date then! I will go over to his house, and if nothing _eventful_ happens, will go on my date to cheer myself up. SEE? _PERFECT_.

And if best comes to best…

MRS UCHIHA, HERE I COME!

For once, Naruto is _so _not an idiot and Ino-pig was _right_.

Sai may just be the best thing that ever happened to me…

DID I _REALLY _MAKE SASUKE-KUN _JEALOUS_?

SQUEAL!

* * *

A/N: Uh oh. What _has _Naruto done now? And I managed to incorporate indenial!Sasuke _and _jealous!Sasuke. Life is good. It is very good. More jealousy coming up, I assure you. XD 


	3. denial is not just a river in egypt

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: **UM, LIFE HAS **_**MEANING**_

Listen to the subject.

The subject says it all.

**YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU FANTASTICALLY BEAUTIFUL GODDESS YOU. **_YOUR PLAN HAS WORKED._

Sasuke-kun has _FALLEN_.

He invited me over to his house because he wants to "talk to me" about something. I mean, _TONIGHT! _(Yes, I am supposed to be going out with Sai––OH, HE'S SO _HOT!_––but, um, I have priorities. Sasuke-kun? Sai? UM WHO WOULD _YOU _PICK?)

Ino.

Ino-pig.

My lovely friend.

PLEASE, I REQUEST _HELP!_

What to say, what to wear, how to accessorise?

(Yes, I love you. I do. I promise I will never ever doubt you ever again in my whole entire life _ever_.)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––on a completely unrelated note, which is in fact not so unrelated, _IF SASUKE-KUN HAPPENS TO BE A JERK AND I GO ON MY DATE ANYWAY, HOW TO SOCIALISE WITH SAI?_

Opinions, please.

* * *

To: obsessive princess more like (prettyprincess77)  
From: so you agree with me on greatness (inobabexoxo)  
Subject: Calm down you psychotic red-ish-head!

_SASUKE INVITED YOU OVER TO HIS __**HOUSE?**_

Maybe we have been underestimating that boy's sexual drive all along … _hmm_.

(Sakura, my dear friend blessed with an abnormally large forehead, I completely understand that you are in love with the Uchiha. I understand you envision pink-haired babies running around his parent's mansion. _But _**slap him if he compromises your morals! **Yes. Otherwise Ino the beautiful will have to intervene––HE HAS KEPT YOU WAITING TOO LONG, THE IGNORANT JERK. HE MUST _SUFFERRR_.

I mean, he only realises when someone else wants to snatch you up?

_Um. El dorko much?_)

WEAR SOMETHING RIDICULOUSLY CUTE. I **DEMAND **IT.

And black heels. _Yes_. Black heels are always a win.

If plan A fails dismally and you resort to plan B (which is enjoying yourself and your boy-toy, he who has potentially _not _made Sasuke jealous, but will still be entertainment for awhile) then make sure you are not seen as vulnerable or emotional-wreck-ish by Sai.

HE WILL _NOT _ASK FOR SECOND DATE. (Especially if you tell him about Sasuke.)

So go, my dear Sakura. Go and triumph over stupid high school boys! Do it for all those shy girls with overlarge foreheads!

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––SHAMELESS MAKING OUT. THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Pink! Pink! _Pink!_

Well. More like Naruto _told _me that Sasuke-kun invited me over to his house.

(And I would not put out even for Sasuke-kun! I mean, not at _fifteen_. Sasuke-kun **is **a jerk who **has **kept me waiting. And, well, this might just be some male pride issue. "I shared your lunch when we were kids! Only I can specify who you date!" or something? You think?

Ino-pig, there is a _reason _you're failing Spanish.)

Sakura is never vulnerable. Sakura wears the pants in _**all **_relationships–despite the fact Sakura has not ever had a proper relationship before.

WHATEVER.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––But, um, what if I _suck at it? _(And you make it sound as though I'm a pimp. I mean, _boy toy? Entertainment?_)

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Yes, yes, whatever makes you happy, darling?

NARUTO HAS A _USE?_

Wow.

My understanding of the world as we know it is _completely _obliterated. With pretty explosions and all.

(Um. No. Male pride issues centre around being possessive/over-protective/secretly madly in love with the girl in question. HELL **YES.**

And I resent that. I happen to be quite fluent in Spanish.)

Sakura-chan shall have her relationship… _NOW! _With either Sasuke or Sai. (And Sakura must _not _be entirely _too _displeased if the Sasuke thing fails … because Sasuke is so dense that no math equation will work out his density. The number would frighten us all, and take over the world and stuff.)

Adios,  
Ino

P.S––See, I know _one whole Spanish word_.

AND, UM, EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE THEIR FIRST KISS SOMETIME, GIRL.

Or they lead horrible and pathetic lives…

(HAVE YOU NOT _HEARD _OF POST-FEMINISM?)

* * *

**Foxydemon: **uhh hey teme!

**UchihaS: **What is it? I'm busy with homework.

**Foxydemon: **i talked 2 sakura like u said

**UchihaS: **And? What did she say?

**Foxydemon: **…

**UchihaS: **Dobe?

**Foxydemon: **i didn't exactly talk to her bout the _date _thing…

**UchihaS: **…then what _did _you talk to her about?

**Foxydemon: **um well she is rlly scary on IM and stuff so i just said the first thing that came into my head and that was that um that _you _were annoyed bout it in the first place…

**UchihaS: **What did you _do_, dobe?

**Foxydemon: **isaidshecouldcomeovertoyourhousetonightbecauseyouwantedtotalk

**UchihaS: **…_what?_

**Foxydemon: **im sorry!

**UchihaS: **You said _I _wanted to talk to her and _invited her over to my house? _**TONIGHT?**

**Foxydemon: **its just that i overheard ino talking about her date being tonight and you said to do something about it so um…yea

**UchihaS: **When I _said_ do something about it I didn't mean––never mind. What do I say to her?

**Foxydemon: **just tell her something … um … _important!_

**UchihaS: **What do you mean important?

**Foxydemon: **how bout that u r jealous of sai?

**UchihaS: **I'm not jealous.

**Foxydemon: **ok ok ur _not _then (i still think u r) but _say _it anyway!

**UchihaS: **Why?

**Foxydemon: **r u rlly that stupid? y do u think she said she wld come see u and ditch her date? maybe bcuz u r more important to her? anyway i gtg

_Foxydemon has signed off_.

**UchihaS: **Ugh. Dobe.

_The message could not be received as the recipient is offline. _

_aaa_

**8/7: the collection of furniture I call my room**

I am _not _obsessing over this.

Really. I'm not.

I _am _kind of being a bitch about it––by, um, possibly-maybe-_hopefully_ ditching Sai and going off with Sasuke-kun even though my original intention was to make Sasuke-kun suffer for _as long as possible_, it is _not _a chance to be turned down––but I am _not _obsessing.

(Although Sai, according to Ino, is "the fling, friends-with-benefits type" and therefore will not care. UM. WHATEVER, PIG.)

I'm not obsessing.

I'm calm.

Inhale.

Exhale.

_Inhale._

EX-BLOODY-HALE.

OHMYGOSH WHY AM I SO ROMANTICALLY _RETARDED? _(If we're getting into specifics, why is _Sasuke-kun _so romantically retarded? Seriously.)

Diee.

_Diee._

YOU KNOW WHAT _I _THINK IS STUPID? I THINK **THE WORLD AND EVERY MALE INHABITING IT **IS STUPID.

Love from your infuriatingly infuriated master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Um, well, hi

SOME LAST TIPS BEFORE YOU GO TO THE UCHIHA MANSION:

1) do not attempt to engage in conversation with his parents; _just ask if you can see him straightaway and explain that you are a friend from school and Sasuke has asked to see you _(leave it up to _him_ to explain to them why a girl in a ridiculously cute outfit is on their doorstep asking for their youngest son, _with possibly intentions of violating him_)

2) when speaking to he-of-failed-hormonal-urges make sure to be flirtatious but not in a manner that suggests you _like _him, just in a manner that suggests you are used to doing it and it is a natural reaction (hence why you have a date with such a freakin' hot guy, which you have been made late for BECAUSE OF HIM––_make him aware you have other places to be so he will be __**blunt!**_)

3) BE SMOOTH! If he starts talking about things that do not interest you, things you do not want to hear, or things that hurt your feelings or make you feel sad, MAKE HIM SUFFER! Use jealousy! Talk about Sai! Talk about how much _you really want be going on your date with him like __**right now**_Make him admit something (like that he's madly in love with you) and once you _have _that info, the façade can be dropped!

4) above all, _no tears are allowed. _If worst comes to worst, honey, remember that I am always here for you and that you always have Sai to keep you happy and romantically satisfied. SASUKE DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS. On the other hand, if best comes to best, act _cool about it _and _not _obsessive; do _not _give him a reason to be proud! (Because we know our men, yes we do)

5) JUST MAKE SURE YOU ARE AWESOMELY SAKURA-ISH (minus the crazy fangirling obsession which you so vehemently deny)

Do these tips help, darling?

GOOD LUCK! MAJOR GLOMPAGE!

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––You are beautiful, Sakura. Do not let Sasuke or Sai or anyone else ever convince you that you're not. WE WOMEN MUST WEAR THE PANTS. (Or at least make it seem like we are _powerful _and _happy _in our skirts).

* * *

Okay. So I'm standing at the gate right now. And, um, _no, _I haven't pressed the buzzer yet. BECAUSE THE MANSION IS _TERRIFYING_, okay?

(Seriously. It is all big and gothic and dark, with pillars and oak doors and a huge high-security fence with evil shrubbery surrounding it. Um. It looks like Dracula's mansion or someth––_what if Sasuke-kun happens to be a __**vampire?**_

_Breathe_, Sakura. There are certain things that do not happen in real life, vampires included in that extensive list which you seem to obsess over for no reason.)

I press the button.

_Bzzzt._

"_Yes? Who is it?_"

OH MY GOSH IT'S SASUKE'S **DAD**.

Uchiha Fugaku is the single scariest person in the whole entire universe, on account of the fact that he is the richest person in the city, and knows it.

"Um," I squeak. "Hi. I'm … um, Haruno Sakura. I'm here to see Sasuke."

"_What business do you have with my son?_"

"I'm … um. From school. A friend of his from school."

(Ino, your advice _sucks_.)

That sounds very unconvincing. On account of the fact that Sasuke-kun doesn't have 'friends from school' who drop by his mansion, who also happen to be of the female persuasion.

But Fugaku grunts and pauses and then admits me, most probably because he doesn't consider me a threat to his son's safety (I _do _kind of have pink hair and am fifteen and stuff)––I kind of get the feeling he couldn't care less about the morals part.

I practically run to the house––to escape the evil shrubbery––and through the door, which their butler opens for me. He nods at me. "Uchiha-san will be down in a moment."

As soon as he leaves, I _freak_. I have never _ever _been to Sasuke-kun's house before. When we were kids, he always seemed to want to invite me, but never did.

(I can sort of see why now.)

AND NOW! NOW I AM COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I APPARENTLY MADE HIM JEALOUS SO HE **MIGHT **LIKE ME BACK BUT THAT IDEA IS TOO STUPID TO REALLY COMPREHEND SO I'M LIKE _EEGASP! _Total shock. Total mental blank.

* * *

Ino! Ino, you better have your mobile on and you _better _get this txt! If you don't, I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU (bonus points for typing so fast, yeah?) I'm currently in the foyer of the Uchiha mansion. IT'S _SCARY_.

_Calm down, girl! I'm here. But look sharp. If Sasuke happened to come down the stairs __**right now, **__what would he see? _

a) a girl who is hopelessly in love with him who b) looks very pathetic and close to tears and freaked right now because c) she is experiencing her first taste of _hysteria_.

_Hysteria is overrated. Be strong! _

EASIER SAID THAN DONE, YOU PIG.

_HEY, ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING IS HELPING YOU, FOREHEAD GIRL! _

WELL, IT HASN'T BEEN VERY **USEFUL! **

_I'M SORRY YOU DENY EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU THAT IS FLAWED AND THEREFORE CANNOT BE HELPED TO EXPERIENCE A BETTER FRAME OF MIND! _

I'M SORRY YOU HAVE SUCH AN UGLY **FACE! **

_OH, IT'S ON, BITCH! I HAVE LOTS OF CREDIT. I CAN CONTINUE THE ABUSIVE CAP LOCKS TEXTS ALL NIGHT! _

CH, YEAH, LIKE I _CAN'T_?

_YOU REALISE YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING QUITE AWHILE FOR SASUKE? _

HE'S SUCH A FUCKING JERK. UGH. HE CAN'T **STAND ME UP **IN HIS OWN **HOUSE! **

**aaa**

I swear I didn't mean for him to read that. All I knew is _one moment _I was SMS-ing Ino and venting my frustration on my poor unfortunate piggish friend. And the _next _moment Sasuke-kun was looming over me, an unimpressed look on his face.

"Oh, er, hi," I squeak at him. I seem to be fluent in the language of Squeak. (It could be the new language of diplomats. Oh, you know it.)

He merely pulled me out of the foyer and into a side room, glaring at me.

"So," I propose eventually when the silence gets awkward. "What did you want to talk about, Sasuke-kun?"

(He should get it by now that I call him Sasuke-kun because I _care_. It's a help line; a "please don't be mad at me!" gesture.)

"Hn," he responds.

"Very informative," I remark dryly.

We stare at each other for awhile.

Other parts of Ino's email begin to come back to me. "Sasuke-kun, I kind of have a date soon, and I don't want to be late for it, so––"

"You can't date him," Sasuke interrupts coldly.

(Blunt as always. INO, BLUNT IS NOT **GOOD**. I like explanations.)

"Oh?" _that _was certainly not an answer I'd been expecting. I blink at him, making sure my face is carefully blank––because, um, I am kind of very confused right now. "Why not?"

"…" Sasuke looks away.

"Sasuke-kun, I can't read your thoughts, so––"

"You shouldn't be dating."

I reel back. _Huh? _(NOT A GOOD ANSWER. THAT MEANS I SHOULDN'T BE DATING **HIM, **EITHER!) My carefully blank face turns snarl-ish. "How come?"

"You should concentrate on your studies," Sasuke continues, monotonously. "If you want to get into university. You can't be hanging around with someone like Sai."

I feel like slapping his pretty face (although that would then call for immediate apologies and perhaps a kiss to the cheek. Or several. _Either way_.)

"You called me all the way to your freakin' house to tell me _that_? That you think I should concentrate on my _studies? _Why the hell is it your business?" I ask him, narrowing my eyes.

(Because, really, that's just plain rude. I WANT A LOVE CONFESSION, JERK.)

"I know guys like Sai," Sasuke shrugs, as if it is really just no big deal that my heart is beginning to crack from this sudden realisation that maybe he–– "And he's not good for you. You should just try to pass school."

––_likes me in a PLATONIC WAY?_

_PLATONIC?_

_AS IN BROTHERLY?_

Ew. No. Please. **No.**

But this small side of me is largely overruled by my absolute _fury _that he is trying to make all my decisions _for _me.

"Jerk!" I hiss. "You have the _nerve _to tell me that I'm not allowed to date Sai? What do you _know_? I'm going to _go _on my date tonight, and I'm going to enjoy it!"

Sasuke-kun flinches. "…why do you want to?"

I glare. "What's it to you?"

"Hn."

"What? You _jealous?_" I ask mockingly, but inside my heart is hoping. Hoping like whoa. Hoping that maybe he would––maybe he _could_––maybe there's just some chance for me there. Maybe.

"I will _never _be jealous," Sasuke-kun responds in annoyance. "Of any guy you date."

_I couldn't care less, _is what his eyes say.

(And my heart shatters right about _there_.)

"Well, then, don't dictate to me about what I should do with my life!" I feel like hurting him, like ripping him to shreds, like he's just done to me. And, well, if I can't make him jealous, I at least want to–– "I like Sai, okay? I do! And he's a hundred times better than _you_! And I _want _to date him! So leave me _alone!_"

––hurt him.

I turn on my heel and practically blast my way through the front door.

(And then I let myself cry.

I DESERVE IT, OKAY?

WHAT.

A.

FAIL.)

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: I _have _no subject

Disaster: a catastrophe. A great misfortunate. A total failure. (Or an unfavourable aspect of a star or planet, but not what I'm getting at here.)

IT SUCKED ASS.

BIG TIME.

REALLY.

Just leave me to cry for a bit, okay, pig?

…date, **HERE I COME**!

BOO. FREAKIN'. **YEAH.**

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I'll tell you about it later. I will. But _now _… no. Words are beyond me.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: _Why _was this a good idea?

…she went on her date.

And I think I made her cry.

(What do I do _now?_)

* * *

**9/7: floating on stars and **_**stuff**_

I woke up this morning feeling very pleased with myself.

_Really _pleased. Freakishly pleased. So pleased, in fact, that Sasuke-kun is temporarily from my mind, and I am _not thinking about it_. (Really. I'm not. Ugh. Okay. Maybe a little.)

The date was fantastic. I mean, it _cheered me up_.

When he came to pick me up:

Sai: "Something wrong, Ugly?"

Me: "N-_no!_"

Sai: "…what? You look like you're about to cry."

Me: (is unable to hold it in) "It's just…ugh, it's **SASUKE-KUN!**"

And I proceeded to tell him the whole story.

Don't ask me why I did.

But I _did_.

And, instead of turning him off and making him despise me and stuff, Sai _understood_. Seriously.

Sai: (smirking) "Well, I know what'll make you feel better."

Me: "What?"

Sai: "We'll make him jealous."

Me: (confused) "…but he said he'd never be jealous."

Sai: (shrugs, seeming unconvinced) "Don't worry. We will."

And he then entertained me the whole entire night and cheered me up LIKE WHOA.

And at the end, he _kissed me!_

I'm on _cloud nine, _ladies and gentlemen!

(But I don't get why no one seems to believe me when I say that Sasuke-kun _said _he wouldn't get jealous. I swear.

WELL, AT LEAST HE WASN'T MY FIRST KISS.

SUCKAA. YOU MOVE **TOO SLOW.**

I hope he dies.

Or, well, not.

Because I love him. And Sai knows. Ugh.)

Love from your seductive temptress master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Ugh

I seriously have no words for you, teme.

You might be _beyond help_.

IN FACT, I HOPE SAKURA _DOES _HATE YOU FOR IT.

You're so _stupid_.

(But considering it might make Sakura-chan sad … just _openly _express your jealousy and not act like such a social retard, okay?)

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Dobe

I'm _not _jealous.

She's annoying.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: _Teme_

Denial is _not _just a river in Egypt.

* * *

A/N: So we have our first taste of conflict! And doesn't Naruto seem to be the smartest out of them somehow? Well, THAT'S COOL. 


	4. love is just this game we play, hun

**Art-Class-Freak: **Ugly?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh! Sai!

**Art-Class-Freak: **How goes it with the Uchiha?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **You _even _have to ask? Ugh.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Well, I've got an idea, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Hmm?

**Art-Class-Freak: **I propose a game. Of sorts.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh-_kaay_ … what kind of game?

**Art-Class-Freak: **A game to make Uchiha jealous. We'll deliberately seek to make him jealous, right? And every time one of us does something that makes him openly annoyed, we'll award ourselves ten points. I'll keep a tally. And at the end of the week, whoever has the most points has to pay for lunch or dinner on Saturday.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Um…like, _wow_. (Why did I not meet you _sooner_?) But Sasuke-kun won't be jealous, you know that? He said so, and I don't know why you and Ino keep telling me he _is_?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Whatever you say, Ugly. Either way, it'll be fun to piss him off, right? He doesn't want you dating me.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Mhm. You're right. Okay, I'm in!

**Art-Class-Freak: **Cool. You won't regret it, Ugly. Believe me.

_Art-Class-Freak has signed off. _

aaa

To: inobabexoxo  
From: artclassfreak01  
Subject: Concerning your friend

I know about what happened between Sasuke and Sakura.

Don't worry. I've got it covered. You just do your supportive friend thing.

_Sai._

_aaa_

**11/7: the wheels on the bus go **_**round and round**_

You know, writing on the bus is very difficult, especially when a middle-aged guy suffering from a severe case of obesity happens to be taking up about three people's worth of space next to you.

(But you're a _diary_, illegibility shouldn't _matter _to you!)

Sai is officially _a god_. Seriously. It's like I died and went to heaven–or I was at least super blessed. He's trying to make me _feel _better, which is probably the sweetest thing someone in his position could do! Sure, he's probably a sleaze who _enjoys _the fact I don't regard this as a serious relationship, and that I don't mind making out with him a lot, but _still_. Still. It's all redundant in light of one common goal:

**To bring Sasuke-kun the hell down.**

So Sai seems convinced that this is a way to make him jealous, and that eventually he will snap and confess his undying love––um, no offence, but _seriously_. Sasuke-kun ended all my hopes of us _ever _getting together on Saturday. But I have been devoted to Sasuke-kun since I was about _six_. I am _not _letting him get away without exacting my revenge.

(Even if I still am in love with him. I'm trying to just, um, quit. Or, like, phase out my feelings and move on? Maybe I should join Scorned Women Anonymous?

On that note, how does one move on from somebody that they are completely in love with? Serious relationships or experiments with other guys?

Hmm.)

_Oh my gosh the guy next to me kind of smells and it's going to make me puke so––_

Any_way_.

I am trying very, very, _very _hard to be pleased by the outcome of this total rejection. I got a hot boyfriend that I can basically _use_––with his **permission**, too!––for my own personal gain. I'm in power. Sasuke-kun and Sai are just my pawns. And Ino is, of course, my sidekick (more like my awesomely devoted friend who is stepping back and letting me take centre stage for once!). And Naruto is just, um, _Naruto_.

(Seriously.)

I could _not _be in a better position right now. Realistically speaking, things could've gone a lot worse. Sasuke-kun could've rejected me, and Sai could've rejected me, too, after I told him about Sasuke-kun. The fact that he _didn't _just goes to show how _lucky _I am. And, hey, pining after a stupid, moronic, chauvinistic, thick-headed, retarded, _arrogant_––

Somehow I think I still have anger issues with the whole thing.

Le sigh.

_What do I have to do to be __**strong about it **__here?_

Um. Ungrateful much?

(No wonder Sasuke-kun would never get jealous of a guy I date, and would never date me, either. I'm _ungrateful! _Ugh! And I just made myself seem worse than Sasuke-kun!

**DIEE!**)

Oooh, school.

I get to see my 'boy-toy', as Ino has affectionately dubbed him.

Love from your bitchily typical teenage master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

**DAY ONE:**

"You _kissed _him, didn't you?" Ino greets me with this as I get to her locker.

"Who?"

"_Sai!_"

"Um, _duh_," I shake my head. "I _told _you, remember?"

"But you _really _kissed him! As in, you guys are an item now? You didn't tell me about _that _part!"

(Oh. Right. A fact: Yamanaka Ino knows everything about anything in this school. She always knows who's dating who, and who likes who, and who _should _be together with whom. The fact I _didn't _tell her about Sai and I is, like, a major insult to her gossiping skills. But come on! I don't want _everyone _in the whole universe knowing about it right now, do I?

Hmm. Actually…)

"Oh, yeah," I shrug and flash her my prize-winning smile. "Well, I was upset when I emailed you, pig! I was concentrating on Sasuke-kun. But yeah, we're an item."

Ino squeals and hugs me, grinning. "Okay! Well, then, we have to celebrate! Movie night, yeah?"

"Ooh," I bite my lip. "With cookies and cream ice-cream?"

"Duh, forehead-girl! It's tradition."

"Okay," I nod. "Movie night it is."

(Who needs boys when you have friends like Ino-pig? _Life and its conundrums_.)

"And Sakura! We have to make it official. Like, _now_."

(Oh, right. That's why.)

I shake my head vehemently. "_No_, pig! I don't want everyone in the whole _school _knowing about it just yet. I mean, it's not as if it's really––"

"Sakura, it's big news. You're a dating virgin. Sai counts as your first boyfriend. People will be interested! They _like _you! They'll support you!"

"But I _don't_––"

I pause. And blink. Rapidly.

(Consider a hypothetical situation. Miss X and Mister Y become a well-known couple throughout the school. Miss X's enemy, Mister Z, is also informed of the official nature of Miss X and Mister Y's relationship, thus being subjected to many _inappropriate _rumours about the duo. Mister Z will not be able to distinguish truth from rumour; therefore this will infuriate him as he firmly objects to Miss X and Mister Y's relationship. Mister Z will be the loser in the equation.

See? It's _perfect_.)

"Actually," my lips curve into a smirk. "_Actually_, Ino-pig, go right ahead."

Ino raises an eyebrow. "You have an evil look."

"Do I?" I ask airily.

"Yes, you do. That means you're up to something, darling. Pray tell?"

I shrug, continuing my awesome evil smirk. "Battle tactics," I reply.

I may not be a soldier, but I sure as hell got soul.

* * *

_Sakura, do you have the answer to question four?–S.U._

Sorry, no.–Sakura

_Why not?–S.U._

Firstly, I would not tell it to you even if I had it. Secondly, I _hate _Economics with a fiery passion rivalling that of my complete and utter hatred for um, well, _you_. And thirdly, I've been texting Sai, so I haven't been paying attention.–Sakura

_I'm sorry that I upset you. –S.U_

Well, you really _don't _have any right to tell me what to do.–Sakura

…_I still don't think you should be dating Sai. Why are you texting him?–S.U. _

We're just talking. You know, it's generally what people in relationships _do_. And, oh, look at the text he just sent me? Isn't that sweet?–Sakura

* * *

"Um, Sasuke-kun, are you _okay? _You're not answering––_Sasuke-kun?_" 

* * *

To: artclassfreak01  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Oh, I'm _just that good_

Sakura equals _ten points ahead! _Sasuke-kun had an anger fit in Economics courtesy of _me_. I sent a text to myself, pretending it was from you, and almost made him spasm.

HAHAHA!

…AHAHAHA!

I'm okay.

Really.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––the text said; 'hey there beautiful how bout we hook up after class'?

_**WIN! **_

**_aaa_**

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak01  
Subject: Oh, are you, Ugly?

Damn. I need to catch up.

Ready for something reckless?

_Sai._

P.S––it should've been 'ugly', not 'beautiful'. But I suppose that wouldn't have had the same effect?

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Nyah-huh

Sakura has _got it goin' on!_

…but somehow I don't seem as satisfied by this as I should. Sasuke-kun is only getting annoyed because he doesn't want me to date Sai, and wants me to concentrate on my studies, possibly because of some misguided brotherly affection he has for me.

**AND YOU KNOW WHY THAT SUCKS?**

**DO YOU?**

Because now I feel very incestuous and insecure! I mean, that's…_rejection of the worst kind!_

And revenge just keeps reminding me of _why _it's revenge to do this stuff to him.

Ino-pig, it kind of _hurts_.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––on the side of non-angst, do you have any annoying-Sasuke-kun ideas that could put me ahead? Just that I kind of don't have much money right now, and if Sai wins, I have to treat him to lunch on Saturday.

_UM. SAKURA-CHAN DOES NOT WANT TO DO THIS._

(Sakura-chan _likes _chivalry.)

* * *

To: pretty-princess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Wow…ness

**BABY SAKURA IS GROWING UP!**

Welcome to womanhood, honey. It is very fun to be a woman. Oh yes.

(Minus the whole baby-making thing. Eck.)

UM. _HOLD THE PHONE._

Sasuke? Brotherly? You?

…you made me go to a _very _bad image-land, I'll have you know! It is terrifying to even debate the possibilities of that. Believe me, Sakura, Sasuke has _no _platonic feelings for you in any way whatsoever. At _least_––and when I say least, I mean the _very _bare minimum––he just regards you as a normal friend.

Okay?

_Okay_.

(NO MORE BAD IMAGES!)

I know it hurts. You think Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom would cheer you up? (I'll bring Pirates of the Caribbean over! See you in an hour, yeah?)

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––make out with Sai heavily against Sasuke's locker. IT IS A MUST.

I **COMMAND **YOU DO IT. _Nooow_. (Or, well, when you're at school.)

* * *

"Orlando is so _hot!_"

"I know! Hotter than Sasuke-kun, even!"

"Definitely … mhm, sexy man candy… hotter than Sai?"

"Oh! _Yesss!_"

"I thought so. I _knew _it. Doesn't this make you feel better?"

"Um, no. Now I kind of hate Kiera Knightley… making out with **two **freakishly hot guys!"

"Soon that will be you, Sakura m'dear."

"_Haha! _Very **funny!**"

"Who said I was _joking?_"

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: **UGH, YOU ARE DUMBB**

Have you apologised to Sakura-chan yet? _YOU BETTER HAVE OR I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY UCHIHA ASS, PRETTY BOY!  
_

She's acting very weird lately. Today at school she gave me a huge smile and said "_Hi, Naruto-kun!_" and hugged me, completely ignoring you. Usually it's the other way around. Um, _hell_, it couldn't have been _that _bad, could it?

I mean, she's practically _obsessed _with you! Practically in lo––

Well, you know. She _likes _you.

Yeah.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: _I _am dumb? Look in the mirror

I did apologise, dobe.

And she's ignoring me because she's pissed.

And what do you mean _obsessed? _Sakura's the only girl in the grade who _isn't _obsessed and totally in love with me, or are you so stupid you forgot that, too?

She _used _to like me. As a friend.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: _You _look in the mirror and see your hypocrisy!

UGH. I FEEL SO **SORRY **FOR YOU.

It must suck to have your head stuck up your ass.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

**DAY TWO: **

"Hey, Ugly," Sai smirks at me and uses his classic _**smouldering look! **_(EEE!) as he greets me the next morning. And ugh. I'm so _tired_. Remind me to never stay up till two in the morning with Ino-pig again.

"Hey!" I grin, noticing Sasuke-kun glaring daggers into the back of Sai's head. Sai is currently blocking the way to his locker, and this reminds me of Ino's suggestion.

"It's so _good _to see you," I drawl, pulling on the front of his t-shirt. He falls forward, but before he like breaks my nose, I start kissing him.

And, before I know it, I'm pushed up against Sasuke-kun's locker.

(JUSTICE! And, hey, it feels kinda nice…)

Sasuke-kun narrows his eyes, before stalking off.

I break away from Sai, and wink. "Twenty points!" I whisper.

"Don't worry," he shrugs. "I'll catch up."

* * *

**13/7: at ze place of my dwelling**

It's currently six am. And damn, I can't _sleep _anymore. I'm just kind of anticipating school at the moment. Today will be the _third _day of Operation: Revenge on Sasuke-kun!

(You know, even when I'm trying to hate him, he's still basically the only thing on my mind…

But _no_. I am _not obsessive_.)

It's actually very fun to be in a relationship with Sai. He's not like the first boyfriend I envisioned I would have. The boyfriend _I _saw myself being with (who had Sasuke-kun's face) was sweet and caring and would compliment me and carry my books and take me out to exotic places and, I dunno, be _sensitive_. But alas. That's basically impossible and Sai is a _very _good substitute.

Even if I don't like him. Even if I'm still pining hopelessly after Sasuke-kun, who is the world's biggest jerk and should go conveniently _fall off a freakin' cliff_. I don't exactly know what I hope to achieve in the _long run_. I mean, you can only piss someone off so far before _they _start hating _you_.

(Do I really want Sasuke-kun to hate me? I don't think it would make much difference, personally. He acts the same either way. _Sigh_. Fantasies do _not _happen in reality!)

In the long run, I think I want to make Sasuke-kun _pay_. I mean, I've been in love with him since I was a kid and it's always been one-sided. He's never been really _nice_. I've always helped him through stuff and done him favours _and _been by his side (when he didn't scare the hell out of me). And he repays it by being a jerkface with jerkfaceish ways!

UGH. I PROMISED TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT. UGH. I DID I DID I DID.

On the _other _hand, SHAMELESS MAKING OUT IS _FUN!_

_**LUST SHOULD NOT BE A SIN!**_

I feel very bad right now.

But I don't really care.

_Le squeal! Sakura-chan has a __**boyfriend!**_

Love from your most probably bi-polar master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

**UchihaS: **I'm going to _kill _that Sai guy.

**Foxydemon: **(And he _says _he's not jealous!) Okay, whatever. Did you know now you've told me it'll be first degree murder and that's like a life sentence?

**UchihaS: **(Would you stop with the jealousy thing?) Dobe.

**Foxydemon: **You're very _articulate _today, y'know. Y'know what I think your problem is?

**UchihaS: **You?

**Foxydemon: **Ha_ha_. Funny. Nooo! I think your problem is that you don't like _sharing _things with people, and you were just always kind of used to Sakura always paying attention to you, and now she's _not_––plus, SHE'S DATING THE CREEPY ART GUY. (Hey, well, _I'm _not pleased about that, either.)

**UchihaS: **You make me sound like a five-year-old.

**Foxydemon: **Because you are oh-so-mature all of the time.

**UchihaS: **Your assumption is wrong. I just don't think Sakura should be hanging around with a guy like… _him_.

**Foxydemon: **Becauuuse…?

**UchihaS: **Because he's not good for her. Dobe.

**Foxydemon: **You are _really _asocial. Has anybody ever told you that?

**UchihaS: **...Hn. I'm speaking to you now, aren't I?

**Foxydemon: **Yah-huh, but _asocial _is when you socialise _outside _of the conventions … or, in your case, you just suck ass at it.

**UchihaS: **…

**Foxydemon: **See? You even add dots _for effect! _That is just the beginning of your creepiness!

**UchihaS: **I'm leaving. You never have any useful advice.

_UchihaS has signed off._

**Foxydemon: **You just never _listen _to me! Ugh!

_Message could not be received as recipient is offline. _

_aaa_

**DAY THREE:**

Mornings are always the worst times of the day, I think.

The teachers are all sado-masochists for making us come so early. Seriously.

"Oi! Forehead girl!" Ino appears at my side, grinning from ear-to-ear.

(Ino grinning in general is an unnatural occurrence. She prefers smiling prettily. But Ino grinning really _widely _is plain scary. And it is a sure-fire way of guaranteeing something extremely out of the ordinary has happened.)

"Hmm?" I respond faintly.

"You _have _to see this!" she tugs on my arm, practically dragging me outside. There's a _huge _crowd gathered outside, all laughing and pointing and basically making fools of themselves. I blink. Ino shoves me forward. "Look _up_, Sakura! It's… _wow_!"

I look up slowly (kind of wondering at everyone's misplaced sanity, but whatever).

And then I blink again. Several times over. So much in fact that I'll probably have no eyelashes left by the time I'm thirty.

In the sky is an aeroplane, tracing the words 'Love you Sakura' in the air from the jet stream. Ino is laughing hysterically, and I am at a complete and _utter _loss for all words right now.

UM.

OKAY.

Sai is at my side now, and he smirks.

"That _has _to at least get me fifty points, doesn't it?" he asks.

OH.

MY.

**GOD.**

"That's _cheating!_" I declare with a whine. "You can't use an _aeroplane! _That's … that's … _unfair!_"

"Hey, there were no rules to this game! You need thirty points if you wanna match me, Ugly."

"_Ugh!_" I look at the sky again, smiling slightly.

(You know, it's too bad this is all fake and that Sai doesn't really mean it. It's too bad that it's all a game. I wonder…

Do you think _love _in _general _is just a game now?

Would anyone ever actually do this?

Le sigh. Depressing.)

I notice a shadow looming over me.

"Sasuke-kun?" I ask as I look up, seeing his figure blocking out the sunlight and the aeroplane's jet stream. But he's not looking at me. He's _glaring_––the Patented Uchiha Glare of Supreme Death Mark Three, to be exact––right at Sai, and his eye is twitching.

"Something wrong?" Sai asks, amused.

Sasuke-kun doesn't respond, merely continues glaring daggers.

(His eye is still twitching. Um.)

"I know I'm hot, but no need to _stare_, Uchiha," Sai casually slings an arm over my shoulder, arching an eyebrow at him.

(Oh, _crap! _That probably gets Sai another ten points…)

_SLAM._

_Holy. Crap._

**SASUKE-KUN JUST PUNCHED SAI.**

**IN THE FACE.**

**WITH HIS **_**FIST!**_

(…which is generally what you use. Off topic.)

Sai staggers backwards, a big purplish bruise blossoming on his (_TOO PRETTY!_) features. I whirl around, glaring at Sasuke-kun.

"What'd you do _**that **_for?" I snarl.

"Hn," is his ever-so-tactful response.

"Ugh! Just go _away_!" I scream at him, before turning to Sai.

(Physical violence is _inexcusable_.)

Sasuke-kun frowns at me, before storming off, Naruto at his heel.

("Don't worry, Sakura-chan! I'll put him in his place for you!")

"Are you okay?" I ask Sai, biting my lip. It's _so _my fault.

Sai winces. "What, Ugly? Gonna kiss my battle wounds better?"

I raise an eyebrow. "No," I admit. "But that _definitely _earned you fifty points."

He smirks. "Oh, are we enjoying my game now?"

(A hard question.)

I glance over my shoulder at Sasuke-kun's retreating figure. Then I glance back at Sai. It seems almost like––

Like I––

I dunno.

"Yes," I tell him, determined.

(I'll make myself be happy with this somehow.) 

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: The Sasuke conundrum

Considering you have been traumatising the incredibly lame Uchiha for three consecutive days now, have you been brought to an epiphany? Has _he _been brought to an epiphany? Because, honey, I don't think all this drama is healthy for you. You hardly even ate your lunch.

What's the plan?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––order, I dunno, _roses or something_. And give them to Sai. Or do something equally clichéd. To get more points, darling! You _need _those points to get out of paying for a meal.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: _It's not a conundrum!_

I have _no idea _what I'm doing, Ino-pig. Seriously.

Seriously.

(UGH. SAI IS HOT. WHY CAN'T I JUST LOVE **HIM?**

We would have _good _children.)

SASUKE-KUN IS **STUUPID**. MEN ARE STUPID. LIFE IS STUPID.

AND NARUTO IS STUPID JUST BECAUSE.

Can we go join a convent or something, pig?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––ew. No. Not roses. But maybe something sexy?

(_WHY AM I STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS?_) 

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Sakura

I don't get it.

What the _hell _does she see in him?

(And why is she so _angry _at me?)

...don't answer that.

* * *

A/N: I updated so _fast_! Yay me! Don't I deserve reviews for that? (Even if it's just, like, one word. I don't care.) And yes, the action is continuing. This chapter depresses me a little. But, I assure you, there will be actual SasuSaku action sometime. Seriously.

EDIT: Thanks to Caramel Crazy for pointing out the error! It is now fixed. XD


	5. drink it up, baby down, and move around

**Foxydemon: **Hey! Sakura-chan!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **_Finally _you're seeing the error of your decimation-of-the-English-language ways?

**Foxydemon: **Yeah, well … I got bored with it.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Okay. That's good. You're advancing to our level of intelligence! What's up, anyway?

**Foxydemon: **I'm organising a party Friday night! Everyone's gonna be there. You wanna come, Sakura-chan? It's gonna be held at Sasuke's mansion, 'cause his parents are away till Sunday night.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **That sounds like fun. But, um, Naruto … you _do _realise that Sasuke-kun hates parties, don't you? Has he agreed to this?

**Foxydemon: **Sure, sure!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **(Somehow I don't believe you. I _really _wonder why.) I'll be sure to check it out! Can I bring someone?

**Foxydemon: **Eh, sorry, Sakura-chan. Sasuke said that only people who get invited can come, and they can't tell people about it, to avoid gate-crashing and all that, y'know?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh. Right. Of course Sasuke-kun would say _that_. So I suppose that means that Sai is definitely not invited, then?

**Foxydemon: **I wouldn't say _that_, Sakura-chan.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Well, _I _would. But tell him it's okay, and that I'll just come with Ino-pig. Tell him that he's an asshole, too, if you want. But whatever. I would _like _to spend my night partying with Ino.

**Foxydemon: **So … I'll see you there?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **You'll see me there.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: PAH-TAY

There's a party Friday night, girl! And we are most definitely going to be present. Ugh. I would just like to wash the stress of the week _away_ right now.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––preach abstinence or go all-out?

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Eek?

PARTY. OH. I LOVE YOU, FOREHEAD GIRL.

We _have _to pick out our outfits after school today! And you naughty girl, abusing your computer privileges _yet again. _At least _I _am currently in study period.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––MHM. ALCOHOL. YESSS.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: teh ubr awesum ish MEH

Haha, you _patronising _git. I _so _know how to construct proper sentences in English.

OH. AND BY THE BLOODY WAY.

I just did you a _big _favour and invited Sakura-chan and Ino to our party Friday night. Hear that?

Sakura-chan _without Sai_. You can, I dunno, _apologise _or be _smart _or something!

Don't you love me for it?

BUY ME RAMEN AS PAYMENT. I DEMAND IT.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

**14/7: at the epicentre of all global warming**

_SERIOUSLY._

_IT'S A GAZILLION DEGREES IN HERE._

(Am going to roast slowly and painfullyand be eaten by cannibalistic cult members who invade GKA after _everybody bloody dies_.)

UGH.

You know, I've also made another important discovery: I have absolutely _no _study periods. I'm not kidding. That in itself gives me a _very _good reason to slack off in class sometimes. While the rest of the student population slack off during study periods, I have to allocate my slacking-off-time to _actual _class.

(Sorry, Kurenai-sensei! Art and I are non-mixing things. Despite what Sai says.)

**ON THE SUBJECT OF SAI.**

Ugh. Sasuke-kun. UGH.

(I wonder how many times I write out the word 'ugh'. Which isn't actually even a word. It's onomatopoeia. Which therefore makes it rather odd to continuously write it out when its purpose is to be, um, _verbal_. BUT WHATEVER. DIARIES ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH THINGS LIKE THIS, AND I DON'T CARE.)

But _how _could he plan a party and, in good conscience––good conscience for _Sasuke-kun_, really, which equals serial-killer-conscience for the rest of the world––invite me and deliberately _not _invite Sai? Why didn't he just _not _invite the both of us? But then again, Naruto is a moron, and probably invited me just because.

STILL. ANGRY HERE.

Over the past week, things have been _super _hectic…

I've gone from: being _totally _in love with Sasuke-kun,

-to still being _totally _in love with Sasuke-kun but wanting to have some fun with Sai, he who I am totally in lust with, in the meantime  
-to seeking to make Sasuke-kun as jealous as possible in the hopes that he will confess his undying love  
-to being almightily depressed because Sasuke-kun basically admitted he _so _would not ever get jealous like that  
-to exacting revenge on Sasuke-kun for being an asshole and pissing him off because of how he hates me dating Sai  
-to GOING TO HIS BLOODY PARTY ON FRIDAY WITHOUT SAI (well, I _will _be) and being _really _beyond angry at him and _**STILL **_totally in love with him

(So much, in fact, that I think I diverted my attention to Sai because _it hurts so much_. Unreciprocated feelings ARE SUCKY.)

I'm _so _bi-polar it's not funny.

Seriously. _Seriously_.

But _still_. Ugh. I'm angry at him right now. Like whoa.

(How _DARE _he punch Sai?)

I will go to his party and I will _snub _him. (I hope.)

Ahaha. Sakura-chan **WEARS THE PANTS**.

Love from your pant-wearing master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

Lunchtime. I have _officially _ditched Ino to hang out with Sai, 'cause we're comparing points.

"I've got sixty," Sai smirks at me.

"_Fifty!_" I respond in annoyance.

"No, sixty. Remember I kissed you after school and Uchiha almost ran into a pole on account of him watching like a hawk?"

I frown petulantly. "…fine."

"And how many points have _you _got, Ugly?"

I shift, pouting. "Forty! I got twenty points for the roses this morning."

"Right, right," Sai waves the matter off as if it's unimportant. Which it kind of _is_, in retrospect, 'cause there's _no way _I'm gonna beat him. If I get close, he'll pull another stunt like the aeroplane thing. I just know it. Sai has got the art of clichéd romantic gestures _down pat_. (I suppose it's how he picks up girls.) "You know, I haven't met many girls who would give a _guy _roses."

(SHUT UP, SAI. IT WAS **INO'S **IDEA. I HAD NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE THAN TO LISTEN TO MY HEREBY DUBBED "CRAZY PSYCHOTIC FRIEND".)

"I just wanted to get more points," I huff, blowing my impossibly pink (_I would call it the colour of, well, __**sakura **__trees! Haha!) _hair out of my face.

"Of course. But you sound disappointed. Admitting defeat already?"

"No _way_, José!" I sniff. He snorts. "What?"

"No offence, but I haven't heard anyone use that saying in about, I dunno, a hundred years," he offers, continuing to smirk infuriatingly at me––although the **smouldering look **totally compensates.

I lie back down on the grass. "You're full of it. Besides, if you've been alive for a hundred years, you're looking _very _good for your age," he seems pleased by this mock-compliment, so I absolutely _delight _in bursting his merry little bubble. "_And _you'd be a major paedophile."

"Har de har. Very witty, Ugly."

I don't respond, mainly because I'm thinking about the party. Not that I think it'll hurt Sai's (of _still _no last name––_seriously_, have yet to find out!) feelings or anything. In fact, the _last _thing it'll do is hurt Sai's feelings. But I feel weird going somewhere where Sasuke-kun will be, _without _Sai there. Over the past couple of days, we've been bringing him down _together_.

And, um, if he's not there… I just feel kind of majorly guilty about the whole thing.

(ALTHOUGH IF SASUKE-KUN _WAS _NICER AND _WASN'T _ASOCIAL AND STUFF, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED. Reject me _kindly _next time, please. And no control freak sentiments. Yes. Right. Got that, Sasuke-kun?)

And I feel powerless. Not that I _need _Sai there. But how the hell do you act around someone you're pissing off (making jealous, Sai adamantly calls it) when the person you're pissing them off with is not there to back you up? You can't be _polite _and _nice _and pretend like _nothing's happened_. That would just be weird.

(SO WHAT _CAN _YOU DO?)

"Ugly? Hey, Ugly!" Sai pokes me. "You zoned out."

I blink. "Oh? Oh! Sorry!"

"What got you so side-tracked, may I ask?"

"Mhm," I give him a wonderful non-committal grunt-ish noise. There's some onomatopoeia right there. "Just this party thing Sasuke-kun invited me to on Friday. But he hasn't invited you. Surprise, surprise."

Sai raises an eyebrow. "Oh, boy, it breaks my heart _so much_."

"I knew it would. But––um, I dunno––what do I _say _to him and stuff? It's probably a girly topic, though. If it offends your masculinity to debate the thought, then it's okay!"

Sai laughs a _little_ at this. First time, actually.

(And it might just be the most beautiful thing I've _ever _heard.

It's how I imagine Sasuke-kun would laugh…

**IF SASUKE-KUN EVER TOOK THE POLE THAT IS UP HIS ASS **_**OUT **_**FOR A MINUTE OR TWO.**

Why can't Sai be Sasuke-kun? Why is Sai so much better, yet I still imagine Sasuke-kun sitting here next to me instead?)

"It doesn't offend me," he finally says. "Just don't be too open with him. Let him do the talking."

I give him a _Look_. "Let _him _do the talking? You _realise _who we're talking about, don't you? Sasuke-of-no-words, Uchiha-the-king-of-ellipses?"

"Trust me, Ugly," Sai returns my Look. "Just trust me."

I exhale noisily. "I _do _trust you."

(Sometimes I just don't trust myself.)

The bell rings, shattering the nonchalance.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: You claim _I'm _in denial

You invited _Sakura?_

(And she said yes?)

Ugh.

* * *

**INO AND SAKURA'S TO-DO LIST:**

Sakura here! **And Ino **_**here!**_

a) PICK OUT AWESOMELY SMEXY OUTFITS TONIGHT THAT WILL SHOW WE ARE JUST **SO **IN THE MOOD FOR THIS. (**Yes, Sakura, because you are totally **_**not **_**trying to seduce "Sasuke-kun".) **AND DON'T LISTEN TO INO-PIG, SHE'S DELUSIONAL. (**While you may not think you'll make him jealous, you just wanna get **_**dirty**_**. Sluuut!)** YES, _REALLY DELUSIONAL!_

b) **Whore-ish make-up! Because forehead-girl wants to seduce he-of-denseness, Sir Sasuke, and **_**SHE SHALL! **_**Besides, Sai practically told her to. **(HE DID _NOT! _He just said not to be open with him!) **And that, uhh, **_**means**_

c) HALLO, we shall be bringing alcohol because, um, DUH! (**If your father knew how corrupted his little girl was…) **I'd be in military school, yeah. WHAT.

d) **BRING OUR OWN MIX CD. MUST. MUST. **_**MUUUST**_**. -IS NOT DANCING TO THE CRAP THAT BOYS CALL **_**MUSIC! **_(TOTALLY! Hey, you think they'll be trying to do that whole hip-hop thing again…? Remember how Kiba broke his collarbone?) **HAHA. Men are idiots.**

e) HAVE FUN! (**YEAH!**) Also, Sakura MUST BEAT SAI BEFORE SATURDAY. YESSS. That means Sakura has one and a half more days to do so. (**Save it all for the **_**party**_**, girl! Sai doesn't have to be **_**with **_**you for you to trump his record!)**

**We got it all, you think? **Oh yeah. Totally.

* * *

**15/7: on the precipice of partying**

WHAT. THREE MORE HOURS OF SCHOOL.

(You know, strangely, I'm _excited_. I blame Ino-pig. She puts ideas into my head. Like, with the whole seducing Sasuke-kun thing. Like it'll ever happen _ever_. Sai says to not be open with him. Sai says that he _is _jealous. Ino-pig says it, too. UGH. THEY SUCK. THEY MAKE ME BELIEVE THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE.)

_Anyway_, I've organised my outfit, and it's total win.

It's a red dress which reaches to a few inches above the knee, which has cross-over straps and a pink ribbon around the waist, tying up into a bow at the back. **OMFG. I LOVES IT. YES. **And red and pink ballerina shoes which have pretty ribbons to tie up with.

Ino-pig's doing my hair and make-up after school today. I'M PSYCHED.

(I think it's mostly because I have been dying under the pressure of schoolwork, and I have also been busy with Sai the past week or so. This'll be the _first _time I've spoken to Sasuke-kun alone, without Sai there, and without the intention of totally obliterating him.

Which I wonder why I'm _not _trying to exact revenge tonight.

UGH. STILL BLAMING SAI AND INO-PIG.)

Oh, _oh! _But I _did _just go up ten points. Nyuk. Will fill you in later, Asuma-sensei's beginning to get suspicious again.

Love from your master, the woman in the red dress,  
Haruno Sakura (I _love _the Matrix)

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Wiiild

Oh, _hell_, last night was fun. Yes?

SO WE HAVE OUR OUTFITS! (You know, I think we really _should _do the karaoke thing. HAHA, Sasuke will love it!) And what is this I hear about Sakura-chan being on fifty points now? Hmm?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: **UHM, YES**

LAST NIGHT _WAS _FUN.

And about the fifty points thing? I was telling Sai about my outfit before class, and Sasuke-kun happened to be hanging around, too. _So then _Sai said "I bet you'll look sexy" because _he _wanted more points (**GREED!**) but then I shrugged, and said "Only for you, darling. Maybe I'll come see you after" and Sasuke-kun went _completely red._

_AHAHAHAHA! _(Personally, I think that deserves _so much more _than ten points.

Despite the fact I felt as embarrassed saying it as Sasuke-kun did hearing it.)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Sakura

Sai's definitely not going to be at the party tonight, is he?

…I'm going to talk to Sakura. Properly, this time.

* * *

**15/7: vroom, vroom**

…which is the noise a car makes, in case you were wondering.

TEN MORE MINUTES (ESTIMATED) UNTIL PARTY. EEE.

Ino-pig is singing along to Kelly Clarkson. Eck. (Kind of glad party is in ten minutes.)

CAR MAKES ME FEEL SICK.

Love from your dying-from-anticipation master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

The party is absolutely _outrageous _when we get there. Well, I guess as far as parties go, it's not the worst it could be––but still. It's been ages since I last went to a party like this. The music is full blast, and there is a _hell _of a lot of alcohol hanging around. Considering the Uchiha family have their own estate on the rich side of town, and all the houses are soundproofed anyway, it's the _perfect _location for this kind of party.

(Plus, Sasuke-kun can just get their cleaners to clear up the mess tomorrow. I mean, he has enough money to practically do _anything_. BESIDES BE NICE, I GUESS.)

"Ooh, come _on_, forehead girl!" Ino drags me into the main area of the party, where all the people from my grade are. This party isn't like one where a gazillion people turn up, so I guess Sasuke-kun has redeeming qualities for that.

But ugh, being back here reminds me of Saturday all over again. I press a hand to my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut. Ino glances at me. "Something up?"

"No," I reply steadily. "I'm fine!"

Ino doesn't seem to believe me. But then again, _I _probably wouldn't believe me. "Here," she shoves a vodka cruiser under my nose. "Have this, girl. It'll make you feel better."

(Not going to point out that the _last _thing it's going to do is make me feel better, because––

ALCOHOL!)

I practically snatch the opened drink out of her hands and take a huge gulp of it. Then I start to feel dizzy and kind of regret it. "Ugh…"

"You're not supposed to drink it that _fast_, billboard brow," Ino shakes her head. "Gosh,_ newbie _much?"

I glare at her (very prettily, might I add) and grip the drink tighter, taking another gulp. I'm gonna need a _lot _of these, I'm thinking. So I promised that I wouldn't get drunk before I turned eighteen, because it's wrong and all that jazz, but _seriously! _It is very, very tempting right now. Henceforth I will not be blamed for anymore of my actions.

(Heeheehee, _henceforth_.)

"Pig," I grit out, blinking a few too many times for it to be considered normal. "Get me another one. Like, **now**."

Ino-pig knows what I mean. Oh yes, she does.

* * *

**STUPID THINGS I HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE**

**(as written in my awesome diary)**

1. Fall in love with Sasuke-kun  
2. Decide to go to GKA for high school  
3. Pick IT as a subject  
4. Share my lunch with Sasuke-kun when we were kids  
5. SAI (not that I have _done _him, just … yeah)  
6. Fall in love with Sasuke-kun  
7. BEEER! CRUIIISER!  
8. Lock myself in a bathroom and kind of forget how to unlock it  
9. Have stupid genes that allow me to be _coherent when drunk! MWEE!  
_10. Fall in love with Sasuke-kun  
11. Start this whole jealousy thing, get rejected, and start this whole revenge thing  
12. COME TO THIS PAH-TAY  
13. Let Ino-pig and Sai convince me that Sasuke-kun maybemightcouldbepossibly jealous still  
14. Avoid Sasuke-kun all night so I am unable to _prove _this  
15. Fall in love with Sasuke-kun

YEAHH. TOTALLY.

* * *

"How do you unlock the _door?_" I scream for the millionth time. But the music is just way too loud and nobody is hearing me. I've been stuck in here for about two hours now, and it's almost one thirty.

(I SWEAR, IF INO-PIG HAS ABANDONED ME, I WILL _KILL _HER.

Uhm. I'll be stuck in the house with Sasuke-kun.

_ALONE._

Without even his _parents _being here! Eek!)

"HEELP! DOOR … EVIL!" I really can't be bothered with coherency right now. The vodka makes the lights all pretty.

"…Sakura?" I hear a click and the door swings open. _He's _(read: **UCHIHA) **on the other side, holding a key and looking … um, _unimpressed_.

(CRAP. I FORGOT HE LIVED HERE AND HAD KEYS AND STUFF.)

"Oh, er, hi," I grin at him, swaying a little. "I … got stuck in the bathroom, cause––I forgot. Yeah."

"You're drunk," he responds dryly.

"I am _not! _I just had a vodka cruiser…" I blink. "Or maybe two…or three…"

He sighs, and attempts to grab my hand. "Come on. Ino's gone home already. She thought that you'd left."

"Whaaat?" I shake my head. "No! She can't go home! She's…my…_ride!_"

He shrugs. "I'll take you home."

"_No!_" I cross my arms over my chest defiantly, pouting. "You're _mean! _I don't want to go home with you! And, and I don't want to go home right now, either! You can't _make _me, you… person!"

(I'M KILLING INO-PIG. EEE.)

"Sakura," he sounds impatient. "I don't have time for this."

"You punched Sai _in the face!_" I continue to protest. "You know, I don't even know why I _wanted _to come to this stupid party to see you, 'cause you suck and stuff. You get annoyed at Sai and, um, _me_ and _then _you punch him and then you invite me to a party which you _don't _invite Sai to––you're just really, really weird and I––ack!"

He cuts off my rant very rudely by picking me up and swinging me over his shoulder.

"Put me down, you jerk! I'm being _manhandled! MANHANDLED!_"

"Would you just shut up already?" he growls. "You're annoying."

"I'M annoying?"

He just makes a very impolite grunting noise and continues to carry me through the house. (And everyone is STARING.) Eventually we make it out to his car, and he puts me gently (**HA!**) into the passenger seat, before walking 'round to the other side.

"You're leaving your own party," I sniff. "Your house is gonna get _tra-ashed_."

He snorts. "If it does, then I'll murder them all."

I lean back in the seat, feeling my head spin a little bit. "And you didn't even answer my question, you know."

So I didn't ask one properly. Whatever.

"_Why _did you invite me here and not Sai? You are such a retard! In fact, _why _did you invite me over to your house to tell me I shouldn't be dating in the _first _place? It's very rude and weird, you know."

He seems like he wants to say something important, but then shakes his head. "…I'm sorry."

"You're not. You just don't want me to whine like a bitch the whole way home."

"No…" he shrugs again. "I _am _sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Uh-huh, and pigs will freakin' **rule the universe!** Uchiha Sasuke, you are _deeense_."

His fists clench the steering wheel a little harder. "What I _don't _understand," he begins, slightly cold. "Is why you got so angry at me. I understand you getting annoyed about my dislike of Sai, but––"

"Nu-uh!" (DANGEROUS TERRITORY. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD.) "You are _so _not blaming this on me, buster!"

(If Sasuke-kun _finds out _that I am kind of doing all this to get revenge/make him jealous––sort of––or even _finds out _that I am madly in love with him––**which if Naruto tells him he will die painfully**––then my world explodes. In pretty colours and all.)

Sasuke-kun falls silent.

Then: "…I'm sorry for punching Sai."

OH MY GOSH! MALE PRIDE! **SASUKE-KUN SAID SORRY FOR DISPLAYING HIS MACHISMO?**

Wow.

"I must be _reeeally _drunk right now," I giggle.

He glances at me. "Hn?"

"Either I'm imagining this whole conversation or you're only saying sorry 'cause you know I won't remember it in the morning! _Haha!_"

Sasuke-kun doesn't respond.

"Anyway, I don't see how it really matters 'cause I'm going out with Sai, but only _because_––" I break off. Oops, he's not supposed to know that.

"Because what?" he's curious.

"Nothing!" I start giggling again. "Oh, here's my street, Sasuke-kun."

He turns into the street and soon the car comes to a stop. He looks over at me, and I stare determinedly ahead. I _so _do not wanna be here right now, but I keep getting sidetracked…

"So?" he raises an eyebrow.

"So what?"

"Why are you so angry at me?"

"I'm _not!_" which is kind of a lie, but if he knew the _real _reason (**HEARTBREAK) **then he would understand. Maybe. "And _fiiine_, I forgive you 'cause you said sorry, but that does _not _mean I think you're a good person and it also doesn't mean I won't date Sai!"

(I _would _be waiting for you, Sasuke-kun, but you said you wouldn't be jealous. The words came from your lips. I don't think I should wait anymore.)

I open the car door and practically tumble out, glancing back. He has an unreadable expression on his face, and he's staring straight ahead.

"Goodnight," I tell him. "I'll see you at school."

He nods at me a little. He can see it, too.

(A truce?

After I finish my game, maybe.)

UGHHH. **MEN.**

**MAKE.**

**ME.**

**CONFUUUSED. **

**aaa**

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: **YOU HAVE EXPLAINING TO DO**

YOU LEFT _WITHOUT _ME.

YOU **BETRAYED ME**.

I WAS LOCKED IN A BATHROOM AND SASUKE-KUN SAVED ME AND **TOOK ME HOME AND APOLOGISED AND STUFF**.

AND I _ACCEPTED IT _BECAUSE I'M DRUNK AND WHEEHEE!

…ugh. Confused.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––and my HEAD HURTS.

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Twenty, even, black, **PASS**

I SO DESERVE POINTS FOR OWNING SASUKE-KUN AT THE PARTY.

(Uhm. _Yesss_. I so did. I did. I did.)

Do I win? _Do I? _Pleeease?

(Well, even if I lose, NEXT WEEK IS ANOTHER WEEK.)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I'm gonna have a killer hangover tomorrow. Be sympathetic?

* * *

**15 (technically 16)/7: ROOM**

It's really early! Don't want to sleep! Don't want to wake up with hangover! EEE!

I wonder if I _do _have any money…

Am confused about Sasuke-kun. Have I forgiven him? Not for breaking my heart, but for punching Sai, I guess. Will I stop the revenge game? Maybe just one more week and then I'll be happy! Let's see what happens!

(When he stops disapproving of Sai, maybe _then _I'll stop.

And, secretly, I'm hoping to make him jealous…

I DO NOT ACCEPT HEARTBREAK, OKAY?)

Maybe I should go the sleep and stop thinking things like this.

Love from your master, **SHE WHO RULES**,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Uhm

Dobe! How'd things go with Sakura-chan? You said sorry? What'd she say? Did you sort things out?

(AND HA, I SAW YOU BEING JEALOUS YESTERDAY MORNING AT SCHOOL.)

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Uhm yourself

I don't know how things went with Sakura. I apologised, but––

I don't know. I shouldn't bother. She's happy with Sai.

Why am I bothering? Because _you _keep telling me to. And because he's wrong for her.

(How many times do I have to tell you that I'm _not jealous?_)

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Ugh

JUST BE NICE TO HER ON MONDAY, YEAH?

(And stop 'disliking' Sai, as you call it.)

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––I wouldn't be so sure about the her-being-happy-with-Sai thing! You never know, teme. Maybe you should just try being nice. And I tell you to keep trying because … well, it's a secret! 

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Hey

I know you threatened me with castration if I spammed you and stuff, but I swear this has a point! Yes, it does. You can thank me for this later.

So are you actually in love with the teme or not?

Because this whole Sai thing is getting way out of hand.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

A/N: HAY. I UPDATED FAST AGAIN. And because of this, I decide that I should now point out a few things about this story:  
**a) I don't own any of the Naruto characters  
b) Yes, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, Ino and Sai are the main characters and any other characters appearing will only make cameos (unless I change my mind)  
c) Yes, Sakura contradicts herself a lot--but that's what teenage girls do  
d) Yes, Sakura's thought processes might be confusing--but I write her emotions out as I feel emotions, and how I understand them, and how I think she would feel--of course she's going to be conflicted about Sai and Sasuke, because she's dating Sai to get revenge on Sasuke, but she loves him (and she secretly _wants _him to be jealous, and part of her doesn't accept what he said)  
e) Yes, Sasuke's in major denial and has no real reason for being so overprotective of Sakura--HE'S NOT ADMITTING IT TO _HIMSELF  
_f) Yes, Sakura's decisions sometimes don't make sense  
g) Yes, my chapters seem to get longer by, like, a page every single time  
h) AND YES, I LOVE ALL OF YOU REVIEWERS! PLEASE REVIEW! I'LL GIVE YOU COOKIES!**

Uhm. I think that's it. Anything I forget, I'll add into next chapter's A/N. I AM SO PSYCHED ABOUT UPDATING SO FAST RIGHT NOW. MWEE!


	6. we want what we want: it's natural, baby

To: foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: _WHAAT?_

UZUMAKI NARUTO, I CAN'T _BELIEVE _YOU SOMETIMES!

(And I swear, if you give Sasuke-kun _any _hint at all––**AND I MEAN **_**ANY**_––then you will find yourself dying very painfully and horribly, with no one around to hear you scream. _GOT THAT?_)

As for your question… yes. Yes, I am. I know men aren't as good on the follow-through as women, but _seriously_. Why _else _do you think I would admit to being in love with Sasuke-kun and then pounce on another guy?

…don't answer that.

The Sai thing's getting out of hand. A little. But––

Why am I babbling to _you_, anyway? Ugh. Whatever.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––**BREATHE A WORD OF THIS AND YOU DIE**. 

* * *

**16/7: teh doom**

UGH. **HEADACHE**.

So I woke up this morning with a headache that _felt _like I'd been banged over the head with Thor's Hammer, and when I asked for aspirin, of _course _my mum asked _why_. So I said I hit my head last night, and she has _confined me to my bed!_ I'll be able to sneak out later when she goes out, but STILL.

I'm on sixty points (if Sai lets me be. I kind of cheated) and so is he, unless he has done something without me knowing––so then, _what? _We'll probably end up paying for ourselves at this rate. **SO UNFAIR**. I know that I have the _power _to beat him; I'm just running out of ideas!

Plus, parts of the conversation I had with Sasuke-kun last night are beginning to come back to me … this is _**not **_a good thing. Ugh. Sometimes, Sakura, I wonder how you have managed to succeed through life so far.

WHAT.

Ino-pig is apologising profusely and saying she's an idiot and stuff.

(I kind of have to agree.)

The whole confrontation _could _have been avoided if she had checked whether or not I was actually in the house before flipping out and trying to find me at my _own _house.

UGH.

(Sasuke-kun is _annoying!_

I just can't NOT forgive him, but––

You know what? Never mind.)

Love from the girl who is pretty in pink,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Last night

So, I heard that you took _Sakura_ home last night, right?

I hope you didn't try anything on _my girlfriend_.

Especially considering you always seem to get so––hmm, what's the word?

Oh yeah, _jealous_.

_Sai._

_aaa_

To: artclassfreak  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

Fuck off and die.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Lunch

Let's do lunch, Ugly.

You're paying. I win.

Just ask the Uchiha.

_Sai._

* * *

So I'm currently recounting last night's events to Sai-of-_still_-no-last-name.

(I DON'T _GET IT_. How can I do all that and _not _win? Sai is just too smooth.)

"Basically, you're saying you forgave him?" he asks, slightly surprised.

"In a **sense **of the word," I reply, stabbing my lunch viciously. I still maintain that it is completely and utterly not my fault that things ended the way they did. I was _drunk_––therefore not to be blamed for my actions––_and _I am in love with Sasuke-kun. I mean, what do you expect? I can't hold grudges against the guy I'm in love with.

(Even if he's not _actually_ getting jealous and he's just being a protective ass. WHATEVER. The only _really _bad thing he did was punch Sai, and hello, I can see _why _now––ugh, how did he **beat **me?)

"Well," Sai places his knife and fork on the table, crossing his arms over his chest. "That could work to your advantage, couldn't it, Ugly?"

"Oh, sure," I snap sarcastically. "Because now he thinks I'm not mad at him and he will continue to lecture me on how much I _shouldn't _be dating you and I will _keep _being about to tell him that I'm in love with him––and it will just end badly."

"Not really," Sai disagrees.

"Okay, can you just explain yourself instead of going all cryptic?"

"Well," Sai leans forward. "Now that he knows you're _not _mad at him, he'll most probably try to approach you instead of continuing this war thing you've got going on. And then you can make him feel _guilty _about the whole thing, without telling him about your feelings."

I raise an eyebrow. I'm trying to see where he's going with this, but I kind of don't. "Um. Okay. And that will achieve _what_…?"

"You'll be able to find out if he really _does _care about you."

Oh, not _this _again. "Sai, Sasuke-kun does _not _care about me romantically––I don't care what you and Ino-pig say. I _almost _believed you guys, but now I'm convinced that it is _seriously _just platonic."

"Believe what you want, Ugly," Sai shrugs noncommittally. "But it's not true."

Ugh! Men are so infuriating.

"Fine. Let's consider a hypothetical situation. Sasuke-kun _might _be jealous of you––" I begin, watching Sai look surprised. "––but, if anything, it's because he's jealous of _me _dating _you_. You know, it's actually never been proven that he's straight."

(It kind of hurts to say this, but I have the feeling I'll burst into tears if I don't make a joke out of it.)

"You think Sasuke's––?" he sees the look on my face, and snorts, shaking his head.

My lips twitch a little. Ugh. The past few days have been _horrible _on my psyche. You know, juggling two boys at once isn't the nicest thing to do. But my situation's different. Sasuke-kun doesn't like me, and Sai agreed to it, so basically I'm just using one to get over the other? Well, I _wish _I could say I was doing that.

(The human side of me is saying that I'm doing this to get a reaction out of Sasuke-kun.

To hurt him.)

Things are _so _screwed up.

"Shouldn't you be paying?" Sai smirks at me.

"You know, if you weren't so … so … so _charismatic_, then I wouldn't have lost!" I growl at him.

"Charismatic? That's a new one."

"You've never been called charismatic before? Oh, _maybe _it's because you're arrogant and annoying, so girls just kind of glaze over the _good _parts."

"What? I bet a guy's never called you 'pinkie' before," Sai continues to smirk. And it's _very, very sexily yummy_. "It's just that obvious."

"Ohhh, _smooth_," I roll my eyes. "No, really."

"I knew you thought so."

The waiter brings the bill, and I stare at it morosely. Considering I don't have a job and my parents are against a regular flow of pocket money, even when I do shitloads of chores, I am basically scrapping together all my wages.

(I HOPE SAI KNOWS THIS AND FEELS GUILTY.)

Sai notices my look, and stops me when I go to get out my wallet. "Hey, Ugly, you look like you're about to saw off a limb," he sighs. "Here. I'll get it."

I blink. Then shake my head furiously. "No! You won fair and square."

I'm moral at all the wrong times, aren't I?

"Relax. I have enough to pay for it," he gives me a dazzling smile. The thing about Sasuke-kun and Sai is that they don't _smile_, they _smirk_. And I've never seen Sasuke-kun actually smile before, but I know when Sai does, it feels like I've been given my own little chunk of heaven to keep in my pocket.

(Save it for a rainy day? Oh, wait, that's falling stars. **STILL.**)

And he proceeds to give the money to the waiter before I can even reprimand him for his uncalled-for chivalry.

"I just hope you know I _so _would not have done that for you," I sniff, secretly grateful.

"I made up the game. Only fair that _I _get to change the rules," he replies good-naturedly. I think.

"Oh, haha, _hilarious_," I frown. "Well, we should probably be getting back."

Sai nods, and as we stand, presses a chaste kiss to my cheek.

"It's nice working with you," he says, slightly mocking.

"You too," I reply, pushing him lightly.

* * *

(I KIND OF THINK I'M GETTING MORE CONFUSED BY ALLOWING THIS TO CONTINUE. **UGH.**) 

* * *

**17/7: SAKURA'S LOVE TEST **_(QUESTIONS BY INO)_

_1. If your man was going to take you somewhere on Valentine's Day, where would it be?_

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

HORSEBACK-RIDING.

(_Sakura, you have been watching_ _**way **__too many Jane Austen movies._)

WHATEVER, PIG.

_2. Your birthday is coming up. What present would you like your man to get you?_

Hmm. That's a toughie.

Ooh, I know. Sexy lingerie from Agent Provocateur.

(_Hey, whoa. Did you just, like, channel my spirit or something?_)

I think seven years of friendship has done things to my brain.

_3. What qualities would you like your man to possess?_

Hmm. **OKAY. **Well, I don't think humour is all that important, because I find a lot of things amusing––**LIKE PONIES**. Ahem. I think he has to genuinely care about me, and if something happens to me, will take care of me and support me. He also has to respect me, and not be afraid to brag about me to his friends.

Any bad habits, I'll try and beat out of him. **Teehee.**

(_Oh-kaay … __**say hello to your Inner Dominatrix**_. _Seriously, forehead-girl_.)

Keep calling me that and I'll show you my Inner Homicidal Maniac.

_4. If your man had to have at least __**one **__bad quality, what would you prefer?_

Arrogance. I don't mind continuously bitching at him about arrogance. (It seems like I do that a lot with my friends, anyhow.)

(_HEY, I AM __**SO **__NOT ARROGANT._)

Don't worry, _I _still love you.

(_Biiitch_.)

_5. If you had a romantic picnic, what would you like your man to pack?_

UM. CHAMPAGNE. AND DIPS. AND CAVIAR.

(_Eww.)_

I dunno, it _sounded _classy. OH, OH. Strawberries dipped in chocolate.

_(YOU'RE REDEEMED! Very sexy. Times a thousand!_)

_6. If your man had to make a love confession, what would you like it to contain?_

A quote from classic literature that is very romantic and cheesy. LIKE SHAKESPEARE. _Seriously_.

(_Um, since when did guys pay attention to Shakespeare enough to quote him?_)

I dunno. That's _their _problem.

_7. And lastly, what would you want to find sexiest about your man?_

**HIS HAIR AND HIS **_**EYES!**_

(_Sakura, this is sounding __**strangely **__like your dream-version of "Sasuke-kun"…_)

What, you're criticising my _dreams _now?

(_Seriously._)

NOT EVEN.

(Love from your beatific master,  
Haruno Sakura)

P.S––_YEAH RIGHT, FOREHEAD-GIRL. YOU HAVE BEEN __**TAINTED. **_

**_aaa_**

**18/7: in the classroom with **_**the ticking clock ... **_**again**

**IT'S MONDAY. DOOOM.**

So first period is Economics, which bores me to death and then some. Plus, we're getting our average grades today, which sucks worse.

Sasuke-kun keeps glancing over at me, like he wants to ask me something. Which is really kind of annoying, because _I _would really like to talk to _him_, especially after Sai's suggestion at lunch on Saturday. Except I'm not going to. Because if I _do _take Sai's suggestion into account, then I'm going to have to try and make him feel guilty.

(Why am I doing this? Oh, yeah. BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM AND THEREFORE IT IS **IMPOSSIBLE **TO LEAVE HIM ALONE.

Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to be male.

I could be all, "Sai. Man. Sex" and that would be that.)

Plus, Naruto keeps shooting me "I know what you know I know but Sasuke doesn't know I know" looks. This is only possible because it's _Naruto_, and he uses way too many words to get one simple concept across. Sasuke-kun seems to be ignoring him.

Kakashi-sensei is only up to Shino right now, so I have some time before my future in the realm of Economics is spelled out for me. Of course, I don't think I _failed_. I have _never _failed anything academic, and I know I'm smart enough to at _least _manage a fifty-percent mark.

But whatever.

SASUKE-KUN STOP STAAARING. **PLEASE. **I'LL BUY YOU A COOKIE.

It's really very infuriating. Especially 'cause my heart keeps skipping a beat whenever I catch him giving me one of his infamous Looks.

(The look he keeps giving me translates roughly to: "Sakura, you are annoying. You have forgiven me yet you refuse to talk to me, and this annoys me, because I am Uchiha Sasuke and people do not do this to Uchiha Sasuke."

Which is about right.)

Love from your aggravated, annoyed and awesome master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

_How do you think you'll go?–S.U_

(OHMYGOSH. **SMALL TALK?**)

I don't know. You?–Sakura-chan.

…_I don't know. About a B.–S.U._

(Oh, so not. You always ask me the answer to everything.)

Same here. So … um, did your house get fully trashed?–Sakura-chan

_No. It was fine. Naruto cleaned it up.–S.U._

**NARUTO **did? Wow.–Sakura-chan

Hey, Sakura-chan, I'm right here! I can see what you're writing!

Oh, _so _sorry.–Sakura-chan

Look, Kakashi-sensei just got up to you. What does it say?

* * *

"Sakura-chan?" 

* * *

(It is my personal belief that Economics inspires synaptic breakdowns.) 

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Fuck the _what?_

Hey, Sakura.

I heard that you had a nervous breakdown in Economics, darling. (Was Kakashi-sensei trying to look down your shirt again?)

You okay? Y/N?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––OH YEAH. I forgot. You haven't told me how things went with Sai, either! You would not say a _thing _on Sunday. What's the stitch?

(Oh, I love Kim Possible.)

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Your mum

Am currently using nurse's computer while she's at a staff meeting.

UM. OKAY. **GUESS FUCKING **_**WHAT?**_

**I GOT A C IN ECONOMICS. A **_**C!**_

How does that even _happen? _Sasuke-kun got a _B _and he's been asking me for answers all term! Sexism appears to be alive and well in Kakashi-sensei's class.

**I MEAN, A **_**C?**_

**What. The. Hell.**

Sakura is not pleased.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––Have decided to be nice to Sasuke-kun, at least until I get bored, but will continue on with Sai, as it is very nice and Sasuke-kun will never like me like that.

UM. ALSO. STILL _KIND OF MAD_. WAS _DRUNK!_

(OHMYGOSH, I MISSED IT THIS MORNING.)

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Wtfery times **TEN**

YOU GOT A _C?_

HARUNO SAKURA DOES NOT GET C'S. Yamanaka Ino gets C's, but that's beside the point. I got a B- in Economics! You should protest. Like, I dunno, get on top of the lunch table and threaten to perform a strip-tease if they don't heighten your grades.

(Although Kakashi-sensei _would _like that. And so would Sasuke. Heh.)

But the school board might not.

DO IT, I SAY. GO AND BE EMPOWERED.

But seriously, forehead-girl. You didn't have to go and have a nervous breakdown on poor Sasuke.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––I have said it before: **THE GLORIOUS WORD IS DENIAL. **Try using it in a sentence sometime. Then maybe you'll believe it exists.

(Hahaha! Ron and Kim _got together!_)

* * *

Okay, so I got let out of the nurse's office at lunch. Four whole periods lying down on a bed and debating how much my life _sucks_. I know. It sounds very fulfilling.

Anyway, when I got into the cafeteria, everyone stared.

At me.

_WHILE I WAS ALONE AND DEFENCELESS._

(I hate my life.)

I kind of sidled into the cafeteria line and got myself some food, before bee-lining towards Ino and Sai, who were on the other side of the room. It was ten seconds that felt like it should've been about ten _hours_. I could see Sasuke-kun from the corner of my eye, but––**UGH, EMBARRASSING. **

(I kind of fell into his lap when I fainted.

I know, I know. _Bad._

**AND NO, IT WAS **_**NOT **_**ON PURPOSE**.)

"Classic!" Ino gives me a hug when I reach her, and Sai smirks.

"_Don't _tell me that it was _you _who told everyone," I groan, slamming my tray down on the table.

"I did not _tell _everyone," Ino shrugs. "I was just talking to Sasuke, he who happened to catch the falling angel. And you _know _what his fangirls are like."

I shiver.

(_OH MY GOSH I'M GONNA GET AXE-MURDERED._

But then again, considering I've been dreaming of being married to Sasuke-kun since I was six, I think I've done enough damage.)

"Don't worry, Ugly," Sai pats me on the back comfortingly. "I'm sure that he was just very worried for your safety. Heh."

"Shaddup!" I tell the both of them. "You guys are _mean_."

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Economics

Sakura, are you okay now?

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Blunt of the blunt

Yah, I'm fine. You're sitting across from me, Sasuke-kun, though. What's with the email?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Economics

Asuma will give us detention again. This way's safer.

What exactly happened?

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: **UGH. Don't even go there**

I GOT A _C _IN ECONOMICS.

IT'S TOO TERRIBLE TO CONTEMPLATE.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––How did _you _get a B?

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: No need to bold

A C? How did that happen?

…maybe you were spending too much time with Sai.

If you want, I can tutor you. I know the syllabus and the content for the next test. If you get at least seventy-five percent on it, it'll bring your average up.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: **I shall do as I like**

Um. Okay.

(Am choosing to ignore Sai comment for your own personal safety.)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––this is really very uncharacteristic of you.

* * *

OH.

MY.

GOSH.

SASUKE-KUN JUST OFFERED TO TUTOR ME.

ALONE.

_OF HIS OWN FREE WILL._

I THINK I DIED. HOPE. HOPE. HOOOPE.

(_TO HELL WITH BEING MAD AT HIM!)_

_I don't think I'm gonna calm down for awhile. _

_aaa_

**Ino-Babe: **So you're absolutely _positive _that he's gonna tutor you now?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Yup! After school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. _I WILL BE GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE_. (Not that I'm _excited _or anything.)

**Ino-Babe: **Has anyone ever told you that you are really very contradictory?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I am choosing to ignore your criticism. (_WHAT_.) Do you think Sai will mind?

**Ino-Babe: **Hun, I beg you look up the definition of 'friends-with-benefits'.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I _know _Sai doesn't actually like me and is probably doing this for free make-out sessions––for all I know he has a _girlfriend_ (actually, I hope not, 'cause then I'll feel like a slut)––_BUT WHATEVER. _I'm just saying, how can I be inconspicuous and not let _Sasuke-kun _think that Sai doesn't mind?

**Ino-Babe: **Sasuke will probably be happy you're not with Sai, anyway.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Um. Why?

**Ino-Babe: **_I AM SO NOT EXPLAINING MY THEORY __**AGAIN**__, FOREHEAD-GIRL. _

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Fine! Geez. And, oh yeah, what am I gonna do if Naruto lets slip to Sasuke-kun about the whole thing? He knows now.

**Ino-Babe: **Because you _told _him.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I WAS IN A BAD MOOD. DON'T JUDGE ME.

**Ino-Babe: **Just ignore Naruto. He's probably––I dunno, splashing around in a pool of ramen or something.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Ha. Probably.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Tutoring

So I'm now Sakura's Economics tutor. What exactly was the point of your plan?

(And _why _did I go along with it?

Because I am _not _jealous.)

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Sakura-chan

I'm just fulfilling my duty of keeping Sakura away from Sai, aren't I? _Like you asked, teme! _Or did you forget that? I can be a good friend when I want.

Now you get her to yourself two nights a week. _AND YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO HER_. You know, how you were an ass and everything.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––You _so _owe me like a gazillion bowls of ramen, teme. You don't even know _half _of what I'm doing for you!

* * *

**18/7: two minutes till the nineteenth**

So I'm trying to figure out outfits for tomorrow night. _I KNOW, I'M LAME AND CONTRADICTORY AND FANGIRLISH AND––_

Totally not obsessive. You see, if you were in _my _position, wouldn't you do exactly the same thing? Exactly. So therefore, we can't _all _be obsessive, and Ino-pig can't be right, which she rarely is. So you know.

See, Sasuke-kun has no idea about my feelings for him. He would laugh (well, smirk) and stomp all over them if he did, because he's an Uchiha. Sasuke-kun is probably gonna marry some debutante with a rich father, who is _stunningly _good-looking and intellectual and wears pretty dresses and goes to rich people's social functions with him. You know what I mean?

I just don't fit into a picture like that.

But hell, I am not exactly giving up; because I don't think my heart will let me.

_(EIGHT OR NINE YEARS OF PINING. HELLO?_)

Hmm. Maybe I should ask for Sai's opinion. After all, he _is _a guy.

Love from your sexily well-endowed temptress master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––Ino-pig is the sexy one, not me. **UGHNESS**. Why did I have to be the _cute _one?

* * *

**UchihaS: **Sai.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Uchiha? What're you talking to _me _for? It's one in the morning.

**UchihaS: **I want to talk to you about Sakura.

**Art-Class-Freak: **I suppose you want me to stay away from her, huh?

**UchihaS: **That's a part of it. But… I also want to give you a warning.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Oh?

**UchihaS: **If you hurt her––in _any _way, shape or form––then I will hunt you down, and I will kill you. Understand?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Oh, I think you're the one hurting her more than me.

**UchihaS: **…what do you mean?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Hmm. You'll see. You're tutoring her, right?

**UchihaS: **…yes.

**Art-Class-Freak: **I would say something clichéd like '_you better not touch her'_––but you know, somehow I don't think that would be good for _Sakura_. Have fun.

_Art-Class-Freak has signed off._

**UchihaS: **What the fuck?

_The message could not be received as the recipient is offline. _

_aaa_

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Of winnings and losers

Are we starting our game again for this week, Ugly? Because I think a change of rules might be in order.

**THE LOVE GAME:  
**-it's an 'anything goes' philosophy––and some things can be kept secret  
-the object of the game is to get what _you_ want (read: Uchiha)  
-you can make the Uchiha jealous, but that's only part of the overall plan  
-do _anything_

What do you think? Jealousy is a little out-dated. Maybe trying new tactics will be funner for you. We will keep to the Saturday lunch/dinner thing. At the end of the week, we will provide a list of what we have done.

_Sai_.

P.S––I saw the photo you sent me half an hour ago. You are the ugliest (read: most stunningly beautifully sexy) individual I have ever seen. Have fun with Uchiha.

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: You are my _soul mate_

I'M IN.

(I was going to say _no_, you know, but the change of rules––

It makes me feel a lot less guilty, knowing I can try and get Sasuke-kun for myself without resorting to jealousy all the time. Even if it's, um, kinda futile to try and get Sasuke-kun to like me. You know what? I've decided I'm not gonna give up until I get over him. I won't let myself suffer till then. I'll have _fun_.

That was my _original _plan, wasn't it?

Besides, it can't make him dislike me any _more_.)

YOU RAWK.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––That is the most beautiful thing _anyone _has ever said to me. Well, except for Ino-pig. But it's different. _**GLOMPS YOU! **_

You know what?

High school might be the bitchiest thing in the universe.

But it can also be the place where you show your true colours, and it doesn't matter, because everyone else is doing _exactly the same thing_.

**I'M HARUNO SAKURA, AND I'M GONNA ROCK YOUR WORLD.**

(Even if it doesn't achieve anything in the long run.)

* * *

A/N: Yesh! Chapter six _done_. I feel proud of myself. So I'm starting to introduce semblance of an actual plot. YAY ME. Next chapter will probably be up sooner than this one was, because I was drowned in work last week. **_SERIOUSLY. _**UNCOOL. And this mirrors my own experience with getting a C- in Economics. (Sakura-chan's too smart to get the minus). I didn't fully faint and fall into the lap of my beloved, though, I must admit. _Although I **did **kind of sway a little and feel sick and attract many weird stares. _I'm such a geek.

I should point out that I don't own Naruto, but you guys know that already, right? Thankyou to all reviewers! I love you all! (I shower you in mountainloads of cookies. YOU DESERVE THEM.)

I should also point out that if anything doesn't make sense, just tell me, and I will try to rectify it, or give you an explanation.

(Can anyone guess what song the title of the chapter is from? **IT'S ONE OF MY FAVOURITES**.)


	7. pretendings of a fairytale princess girl

**19/7: meg cabot is a god…dess**

You know, something occurs to me now.

I would really love to be in Mia's shoes in _the Princess Diaries. _You know why? Because while she has a pretty shitty life dealing with being a princess and juggling multiple lives, she has a steady boyfriend who is madly in love with her.

THAT.

IS.

_NOT FAIR._

Not that I'd prefer Michael over Sasuke-kun. But you know what I mean. I would really _enjoy _it if I was to get some love from him. Anyway, I guess I'm pensive because I'm going over to his house in an hour for tutoring. AND I'M UNNECESSARILY EXCITED.

Um, _ugh_?

Although I'm kinda psyched.

I have been _way _too passive about the whole thing. Now it's time for me to lay down some moves and charm his little Uchiha fan off. Like I said, it probably won't achieve anything, but HAY, getting some advice from _Ino-pig _now.

You know where this is going.

I'm gonna make my own _Princess Diaries_.

(Minus the whole princess thing, of course.)

Love from she who is empowered,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––after all, if nothing comes of this, at least I'll have been getting over Sasuke-kun _with style_.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: **LIFE IS BUT A DREAM**

UM. OKAY.

Ino-pig.

_Ino-pig._

You know I love you, right? With the fire of a thousand suns, etc.?

You're my _best friend _and all, right?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Row your boat?

What do you want, forehead-girl?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––you are _so _transparent.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Merrily, merrily, merrily

You said I had to give you back your black dress tonight, but I _really, really _want to wear it, so can I give it back to you tomorrow? And I need some advice.

Um, advice to be sexy, actually.

(I really hoped that I wouldn't write that out. BUT I DID. HA, NOW YOU CAN'T RUN.)

You need a challenge, Ino-pig. Your challenge is to make me feel sexy in forty-five minutes via email. I IMPOSE UPON YOU THE WEIGHT OF THIS CHALLENGE.

Do you accept?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I am still perfectly visible, hun.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Gently down the stream (of _WOMANHOOD!_)

DARLING, I'M HYPERVENTILATING.

Finally you admit my expertise on this subject?

Ahem. _Ahem. _(I am so glad I learned how to touch-type.)

**INO'S MAGNIFICENTLY BRILLIANT GUIDE TO SEDUCING MEN  
(even if they happen to be reticent assholes with seemingly no hormones)  
**

Before I begin, you've got to remember that Sasuke is a special case scenario, and not all of the techniques listed below will work on him. Try out each one accordingly until you find a match. That boy will fall to his knees by the time the night's over. And, hey, you might not actually learn much Economics––_wink, wink_––but happiness is way more important than stupid circular flow charts anyway.

1. **Batting of the eyelashes: **And Sakura, you _cannot _tell me you don't know what this is. Hell, even Snow White manages this, and she's a G-rated Disney character. Bat your eyelashes and try to look up at Sasuke from underneath your eyelids. This gives you the _come-hither _look (think Molly Ringwald. _Very _effective. She attracted nerds and jocks alike.)

2. **Showing off of the skin: **Position your legs strategically so that my beautifully awesome dress will ride up just a little, exposing your fantastic legs. And don't disagree with me, girl. Your legs totally own mine because you've got a few inches on me. Sasuke will not know what hit him.

3. **Showing off of the skin (cleavage): **Luckily, my dress mostly already does this for you. MY SUGGESTION (are you still listening?): wear a bulky jacket over the top of the dress until you sit down. Then shrug the jacket off, which will give Sasuke a nice little surprise when he sees the low-cut nature of my dress. Make sure when he is helping you work out problems that you take advantage of the art of Leaning Over and Standing Up Strategically While He Is Still Sitting.

4. **No changes at ALL personality-wise: **This is the most important step. No simpering allowed. This seduction must be purely physical, and your personality must remain intact––this provides the crucial difference between you and The Fangirls. But make sure you do not _stutter _or _blush_. This may be what you normally do, but you have to remain in power. If you don't, you'll look clumsy. THIS IS A BIG **DON'T**.

5. **Extra Notes: **Make sure you sway your hips while walking. Make sure you do not act dumb; get what he's trying to tutor you with and don't ask him to repeat himself. Maybe even act smarter than him (if you can risk it without him retracting tutoring offer). Make sure you brush his knees with your smexy legs. Make sure you give him your infamous dazzling smile. In fact, make sure you just dazzle him anyway. 'Cause I know you will, since you're beautiful and unique and _totally _the only thing in his universe right now. Or you will be.

Does this help? I'll think up more if need be. But I think these points will be the most effective for Sasuke, because he's just a little dense, and these are obvious techniques. If he doesn't get it, he'll like it anyway.

OH. OH. DON'T BE DISTRACTED BY _HIS _SEXINESS, OKAY? That is also a big don't. You are the only sexy thing in the room, got that? His sexiness is redundant.

And stay away from the carbonated drinks. You know what sugar does to you.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––au contraire, dear friend.

GO IN PEACE.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: FORGET NURSERY RHYMES

I think I kind of love you.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I don't know if this'll work, or even why Sasuke-kun's wasting his time tutoring me, but I'm gonna make the most of it. Sai's love game _totally _comes into play here.

AHEM. I LIVE IN THE REALM OF CONTRADICTORY-NESS.

Yay me?

* * *

**19/7: …not. cool. **

And you know what animal I think should die and rot in hell?

The butterfly. Seriously. Butterflies are not cool. Especially when they take up residence in my stomach, despite the biological impossibilities of it, and the fact it is just restless acidic juices. WHAT-EFFING-EVER.

So I'm actually about five minutes late right now, but I'm hiding in the bushes near his house and writing this so I'll calm down. I know. I'm such a freak.

It's not as if Sasuke-kun is an intimidating person…

OH SCREW THAT, GIRLS, WE _KNOW _HE IS.

Seriously. _Seriously._

But…huh…

I sort of hear a buzzing sound.

Hmm.

Love from your ready-to-be-sexy master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

…

"OH MY GOSH, _SPRINKLERS!_"

"AHHH! NICE DOG, _NICE DOG!_"

"…Sakura?"

* * *

So I'm kind of wet right now. This is the last time I let my shy tendencies delay me. Nothing good ever comes of it. And now Sasuke-kun is giving me a Look. ("Haruno Sakura, you are the most moronic person I have ever met. There is no hope left for you. You managed to get saturated by sprinklers that were on the other side of the gate.")

I agree with him. I fail at life.

(But you'll be pleased to know my plan is still in action. Mostly my jacket got really wet, and Ino-pig's dress is just a little damp. This makes it cling to my body more. SAKURA-CHAN IS STILL _IN _THE GAME.)

"Are you okay?" Sasuke-kun asks, slightly mocking.

"I am _fine_," I tell him with a sniff. "I didn't know you had a dog, by the way. I probably wouldn't have run into the sprinkler if I'd known."

"They're guard dogs," Sasuke-kun shrugs.

(Guard dogs, as in, the ones that tear you limb-from-limb? Okay. _Okay._)

"Um," I decide to change the subject. I don't particularly want to contemplate the thought of dying horribly via mauling by dogs. "Can we start with the Economics now?"

"Hn," he replies, opening his workbook.

**OKAY. PLAN TIME: ENABLED.**

"And ugh, my jacket is really heavy and wet and stuff," I complain, slowly shrugging out of it and hanging it over the back of the chair. "I blame your sprinklers."

Sasuke-kun is unfortunately poring over his textbook, so he's not paying attention. I know what Ino-pig means when she says _dense_. Ugh. Why does Sasuke-kun have to be incapable of human emotion? (Or, well, hormones. I suppose.)

"Hn," he says/grunts again. "Where do you want to start?"

I want to start by kissing you senseless and removing your innocence? Or just your shirt for starters? I somehow feel this thought won't be welcomed.

"Um," I gulp. "How about those circular income charts? Like, flow and stuff?"

I know I aced _this _part of the course, but I need to get my bearings. And then for mission seductress. Well, this dress is pretty clingy at the moment, so I want him to _look at me, damnit! _Look at my sexiness. I'm still not exactly sure why I'm doing this, but I think it's because I refuse to admit defeat. Or, well, _some _part of me does.

(What would I do if he _actually _reciprocates my feelings? I dunno. Die, probably.)

"Sasuke-kun, is my hair frizzy? 'Cause I won't have time to wash it tonight," I say. There. That gives him a perfectly acceptable reason to look up from his book.

And he does.

And he stares. For several moments. Before looking back down at the page.

"Hn."

(WHAT? _WHAT? _THAT'S IT?

I guess it _is _Sasuke-kun and I _should _expect mere grunting noises from him.)

"Do you understand how income gets circulated around to various people, and the effects of taxation?" Sasuke-kun grumbles, a little irritably.

"Um. Sure. Service tax and all that."

"Do you know how to draw up a chart?"

"…I think so. Can you give an example?"

I try the batting eyelashes thing here. Well, more the look. Hey, I have been watching Molly Ringwald since I was five. I can _master _that look. It's very sexy on her, even when she wears the most horrible dresses known to mankind.

Although I wouldn't wear a pink dress in the first place. It would look like I was drowning in candyfloss, what with my hair and all.

"…fine," Sasuke-kun's breath hitches, and he hurriedly looks down at the paper and begins scrawling on it. I feel slightly put-off by his dismissal of everything I'm doing. _No _reaction whatsoever! This sucks.

No, _more than that_. It is totally not what I'm wanting. If I wanted him to act like a brick then I would just try out the jealousy thing some more. But I'm _not_. I'm going all out to beat Sai, and to get Sasuke-kun to notice _me_. Not notice that I'm the only girl who has never obviously had a crush on him––I want him to notice _me_, as a person, and that I am _not _crushing, I am in _love_.

(And possibly that he's in love with me, too. Although that's just wishful thinking.)

As long as he notices me without me having to tell him, I'm fine. And hey, I'm having quite a bit of fun with this. **OR I WILL BE, IF HE STOPS BEING SO UNRECEPTIVE. **

"Sakura?"

"Huh?" I blink. "Oh, um, sorry! I was just thinking."

"Here," he shoves the chart at me. I look at it briefly. Actually, I think he mixed up one or two of the boxes, but whatever. I already know how to do these, so it's not that big a deal.

"Thanks!" I move closer, letting the black dress ride up a little. It's about mid-thigh right now. And I really have to slap myself so I don't pull it back down. Only problem is, Sasuke-kun doesn't have any reason to look down at my legs, so time for improvisation.

I drop my pencil. "Whoops!"

And Sasuke-kun, me counting on his chivalry here, bent down to pick it up. Not before glancing at the sudden shortness of my dress and then, looking unamused, dropping my pencil in front of me.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asks in a rough voice, abruptly standing.

"Um. A soda would be good," I smile, a little unnerved.

He exits the room, stalking off.

* * *

UGH. WHY IS NONE OF THIS **WORKING? **

**THE REASONS WHY SAKURA FAILS AT LIFE  
(as recorded in her uber-journal)**

Haruno Sakura will not get over a crush (read: **MAD UBER LOVE**) she has had since she was six years old. Haruno Sakura, despite insinuations from Uchiha Sasuke that he definitely would not _ever _like her, fruitlessly pursues the Uchiha in the hopes that something she will do will change his feelings. (Which it totally won't.)

Haruno Sakura has tried to make Uchiha Sasuke jealous, has been angry and standoffish towards him, and now throws caution to the winds to try and seduce him. None of these attempts have appeared to have any satisfying results, but Haruno Sakura still does not just _give up_, like any sane person in her position would do.

Haruno Sakura has also tried to regret her decisions, but finds she cannot, because all attempts she has made thus far have been to get Uchiha Sasuke to have feelings for her. Which she cannot regret, because she is hopelessly, _hopelessly _in love with him and unable to think clearly as a consequence.

Haruno Sakura has dragged many people into this loophole with her, such as Yamanaka Ino and Sai-of-no-last-name. Haruno Sakura uses them and their abilities to further her mission of Making Uchiha Sasuke Have Feelings, which seems to be failing miserably. Haruno Sakura is _using _people.

Haruno Sakura is talking in third person. **IN HER OWN DIARY.**

(Sasuke-kun has been a long time with that soda…)

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

**FUCK. **

**aaa**

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: _Huh?_

Dude, it's late.

And hey, are you using caplocks for the _first time in your life? _What happened? It's midnight.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

Sakura just left.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: _Okay…_

If you insist on sending me many short and pointless emails…

**WHAT GIVES?**

What happened already?

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––I'll come and decorate your whole house with instant ramen if you don't hurry up. And then it'll smell _really bad_. And then your dad'll kill me, but whatever.

* * *

**20/7: INO, OUT OF MY **_**WRITING SPACE!**_

**So what happened?**

Go away.

**You refuse to say a **_**word**_**. How am I supposed to be voyeuristic when you don't give me anything to voyeur **_**over?**_

It's nothing. Nothing happened. Last night was perfectly _normal_.

**UM. RIGHT. And I have known you **_**how **_**long…?**

SHADDUP. I'm just saying, it's nothing to _worry _about.

**Haruno Sakura, I speak as your conscience, since you seem to have missed out on the DEVELOPING ONE lesson. TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND. Give her gory details! What, did you murder him and dump the body in the river?**

NO!

**Well, then. Unless you want me to think you **_**did**_**, spill. He's not at school today.**

I _am _aware of that.

**Sai's asking, too. Sai **_**wants **_**to know. Are you gonna tell **_**Sai?**_

GO AWAY.

**Sakura, honey, **_**NO. **_**How can I put this kindly? Oh. Right. Tell me now or you will find yourself between a rock and a hard place.**

(That was lame.) Okay, _fine_…

**Hmm?**

He…

**Oh, come on! How can you make it suspenseful when we're writing on the same piece of paper?**

You could say the same for arguing on the same piece of paper. It's gonna look like I developed schizophrenia.

**HURRY UP. STOP STALLING, WOMAN.**

ALL RIGHT! HE _KISSED _ME!

…**what?**

Well, he _almost _did. Kiss me, I mean. Um. I was doing that whole seductress thing, and he randomly grabbed my face and _leaned in_. So I was, um, freaking out and then suddenly he pulled away and said I had to leave.

It was kind of strange, really.

**OH MY GOSH. **

It doesn't mean anything, Ino-pig!

**OH, YES IT DOES. As far as I know, Uchiha Sasuke has **_**never **_**kissed any individual before in his **_**life**_**. Except maybe his grandma.**

But he _didn't _kiss me.

**HE ALMOST DID. That counts. You are totally going to beat Sai now. Unless Sai wants to kiss him, which I doubt.**

I'm not even sure he was _going _to kiss me! He just gave me a semi-smouldering look (not quite like Sai does; more subtle and grumpier) and then grabbed my cheeks, and then pushed me away a few seconds later and practically threw me unto the street. It's probably just _hormones_.

**You are the only person I know who **_**wouldn't **_**squeal in delight over this. Shame on **_**you**_

I don't want to get my hopes up!

**HUN, YOU ALREADY **_**HAVE**_

I know. I mean, any more.

**Ugh. You're annoying. Denial, denial, DENIAL. **

**aaa**

To: artclassfreak  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: The Sasuke/Sakura conundrum

Apparently he almost kissed her. Sakura's trying to _deny _it, silly thing. Perhaps you could do something? I wonder what exactly Sasuke's making of this, 'cause he's not at school…

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––near-kissing is about a gazillion points in her favour, right?

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Uchiha

You got the Uchiha to almost kiss Sakura? Wow. That's a big development, Uzumaki. How'd you do it, exactly? I'm almost positive the tutoring thing was your idea, because Uchiha doesn't seem to have developed much of a frontal lobe.

I say we work together to get them together _finally_. I thought this project would just be a little fun, but it's turning out to be quite difficult. What say you?

_Sai. _

_aaa_

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: HUH!

Why does nobody ever tell _me _anything? THE TEME ALMOST KISSED SAKURA-CHAN? Are you sure? 'Cause I _swear _I didn't even meddle a little bit in that respect. Wow. Sasu-chan's growing up.

Your proposition sounds pretty fair to me. Sasuke's birthday is on Saturday, and I'm throwing a party. Prime opportunity, wouldn't you say? Convince Sakura-chan to get him a big birthday present, or something!

OH YEAH. **PROGRESSION, BABY.**

I have been waiting _so _long for him to even slightly begin to crumble the huge denial barrier he has around himself.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––so what exactly have you and Sakura-chan been planning so far?

* * *

**YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED TO SASUKE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY  
**held on the twenty-third of July, duh

Organised by Uzumaki Naruto and held at the Uchiha compound! Starts at seven sharp and goes till whenever people want to leave. BYO alcohol and presents, peeps, and try not to ask Sasuke what he wants for his birthday. He never tells. Buy him socks for all he cares.

* * *

**Ino-Babe: **So, Sakura, are you going?

**Pretty-Princess: **I don't have a choice, do I? I mean, I want to talk to him and everything… OH MY GOSH I HAVE TUTORING TOMORROW NIGHT?

**Ino-Babe: **Just act cool. Maybe don't do the seduction thing again. It seemed to work _too _well.

**Pretty-Princess: **I'm gonna die. Seriously. I'm gonna _die_.

**Ino-Babe: **Calm down! You are _not _going to die, darling. Sasuke appears to not be able to keep his hormones in check, sure. Just talk to him about it.

**Pretty-Princess: **Remember what happened last time I tried to do that?

**Ino-Babe: **He _denied _being jealous of you, yeah. READ BETWEEN THE LINES. You _know _Sasuke isn't the type to openly admit things.

**Pretty-Princess: **He is pretty _convincing_, damnit!

**Ino-Babe: **You said he didn't appear to be seduced. He _was_. You know why he didn't kiss you?

**Pretty-Princess: **…why…?

**Ino-Babe: **Because of _Sai_.

**Pretty-Princess: **Yeah, right. (He wasn't even gonna kiss me.)

**Ino-Babe: **_No_. Be a hundred percent sure of his feelings and then break up with Sai and _then _he'll kiss you senseless. That's how it goes. (Yes, he was. You just don't want to get hopeful again.)

**Pretty-Princess: **Right … I'm officially phoning the asylum on _you_.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Dobe

It meant nothing.

Stop sending me emails about it.

I do _not _like her, dobe. I wasn't going to kiss her. Who the hell told you anyway?

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: HA!

Riight.

And what would you say if I said _Sakura-chan _told me? What if _she _believes you were trying to kiss her?

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: She…

She wouldn't.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: HA!

I wouldn't be so _sure_.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

**20/7: kill me **_**now**_

Why am I (and I shudder to use the word) _obsessing over this?_

_**I DON'T OBSESS! Ever. **_

So why can't I get it through my head that Sasuke-kun _wasn't _trying to kiss me?

Because he wasn't.

Was he?

UGH. I'M SO CONFUSED.

Absolute hate from your master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

**WAYS TO TELL IF A GUY LIKES YOU**  
**as written by Ino  
**(and commented by Sakura)

**-He will avert your eyes in public**

(I object! Sasuke-kun does this to everybody. He can't like _everybody_.)

(**Shut the hell up, biotch.)**

**-He will deny things such as jealousy and/or worry**

(Sasuke-kun wasn't denying. You're delusional.)

(**I am so not delusional. If I'm delusional, you're…**_**SUPER DELUSIONAL!**_)

(We are not in third grade anymore, Ino-pig.)

**-He will be nice to you occasionally and show a different side to you and only you**

(**HA! See. You can't deny **_**this **_**one.)**

(I was just thinking about how stupid this is.)

-**He will offer you **_**tutoring**_**––using his own time for schoolwork!**

(…har de har.)

(**Forehead girl, stop being so vehement about this. IT'S TRUE. I know all, I see all.)**

(Sasuke-kun is hard to read. You can't possibly know.)

(**What-ever.)**

**-He will drive you home in the dead of night and save you from locks of doom**

(Ino-pig, stop specifying! AND HAY, THAT WAS 'CAUSE YOU WEREN'T _THERE_.)

**(Details, details!)**

(What was he gonna do? Leave me unconscious outside on a bench somewhere?)

**(You never know. The fact he **_**didn't **_**shows he cares.)**

-**He will try to kiss you and then pretend he didn't**

(Oh, this is ridiculous.)

**(Your face is ridiculous.) **

**aaa**

To: artclassfreak  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: HALP!

I'm not making progress. I fear for Sakura.

(She is in a mind-loop thing where she is convinced if she believes Sasuke was gonna kiss her, she'll be hopeful and get knocked down again.)

You got it covered? Y/N?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Milady, do not fear

I've got it covered. Don't worry about it.

They won't know what hit them.

Uzumaki and I are teaming up.

_Sai. _

_aaa_

To: UchihaS  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: I would just like to…

Point out that I'm unsure whether or not you want me to come over for tutoring tomorrow night? Um, I'm sorry about whatever happened last night.

Let's just…not talk about it right now, okay?

Out,  
Sakura-chan! 

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Sakura

But what if I _want _to talk to her about it?

(Which I don't. But theoretically…)

Hn. I understand what Shikamaru means by troublesome.

* * *

**21/7: domain of hellish beings**

What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

_WHAT AM I GONNA DO?_

Sai says I should get Sasuke-kun a really nice birthday gift and ask him outright. He says that things'll work out. Well, _excuse me_, since when did this "near-kiss" make things _simpler? _

If anything, it shakes my belief in Sasuke-kun's sanity.

It was simpler when I was positive it was one-sided and the seduction was just for fun.

OH MY GOSH.

HOW THE HELL DID THIS COMPLICATE THINGS _MORE?_

Not bothered with endings right now,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––Princess Diaries sounds good right about now.

* * *

A/N: So we have yet _another _plot twist! Seriously. This whole story is just a series of plot twists. And Sai and Naruto are teaming up. I wonder what they're gonna have in store for dear Sakura and Sasu-chan, hmm? It's probably a good thing these two have such good friends who dedicate so much time to their plight; otherwise they would just keep denying themselves into the ground. What silly little children. Sorry about the slight delay in this chapter. Was sick with glandular fever, which I can tell you now is the absolute worst thing in the world. Don't get it. Just don't. UGH.

(By the way, the song from the previous chapter title was _Birds and Bees _by Ben Lee, which features Mandy Moore.)


	8. of deja vu, tomatoes, and emo poetry

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: EEK

OMFG IT'S ONLY ONE HOUR TILL I HAVE TUTORING.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Eek?

You have got it _so _bad for him, girl. And the feeling's mutual.

UGH. I HATE STUPID PEOPLE.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: EEK

I AM NOT STUPID. I AM JUST DEPRESSEDISH, OKAY?

**CAPLOCKS WAR!**

(Sasuke-kun is _stupid_.)

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

Sai was absolutely _no help at all _on the subject.

"I might be coming into a lot of points soon," he told me sagely. "And 'cause the party's Saturday, we'll compare points Sunday instead."

I just felt grumpy, 'cause Sai's most probably going to beat me again. The "near-kiss" qualified for thirty points, but Sai "has a plan", apparently. 

(I hate men).

"Yay," I mutter dryly. 

"You're turning into quite the cynic, aren't you?" Sai arches a perfect (sexy) eyebrow. How eyebrows can be sexy is beyond me, but they can, because Sasuke-kun and Sai manage it. _Seriously_.

"I hate life," I agreed. "It sucks. And it's complicated. And it also doesn't help that I don't even know how I'm s'posed to talk to Sasuke-kun anymore, 'cause I dunno if I _want _him to like me, if I think he ever would, if I _don't_––"

"You're overcomplicating things for yourself," my sort-of-boyfriend noted.

"You _think_? Give Captain Obvious a _prize_."

"Now, now."

"…sorry. I'm all bad moody."

He stopped outside of the Uchiha estate, and then gives me a Look. ("Come on, Ugly, you _know _you're scared shitless and you're really confused. But I don't care, because I'm an asshole, who's also extremely smart.")

YES. THIS DESCRIBES HIM **PERFECTLY.**

"Well, I hope you have fun," he tells me dryly.

"No sarcasm for _you!_" I grouch. "Seriously. It's not funny!"

He just laughs at me. Ugh.

"I hate **men!**" I tell him, and stomp off.

I think that just kind of sums up this whole experience. Men suck.

* * *

**22/7: on the merry-go-round of **_**CONFUSED ANNOYANCE**_

…so that was almost a complete and utter waste of time. 

I mean, the actual tutoring session was okay. I actually figured out how to do some parts of Economics properly. (Sasuke-kun _is _actually pretty good at it. It makes me wonder _why _he always passes notes in class). But hello, I think the both of us knew that the tutoring part was _not _the part we _wanted _to go okay. 

It was pretty awkward. Well, okay, Sasuke-kun isn't exactly Mr Sociable and I've never really _minded_––but it was different. So imagine talking to a wall. You'd get the same reaction from a wall as you would from Sasuke-kun. So then imagine talking to a steel wall that was about ten metres thick. And _then _you would get the same reaction that I got from Sasuke-kun last night.

_SERIOUSLY. __**BOYS**_

So I wanted to break the awkward silence because I like words. Words amuse me. 

Me: "So, Sasuke-kun, what do you want for your birthday?"

(A NOTE ON UCHIHA SASUKE: Do **not **ask him what he wants for his birthday. He **never**, and I mean never, gives you a proper answer. And it pisses him off. I don't even know why, but apparently it's taboo. I knew this, but had a momentary synaptic breakdown. Or a lapse in sanity.)

Sasuke-kun: "…hn."

Me: "Wow, I didn't know they sold something called 'hn'. I'll have to check it out."

Sasuke-kun: (glares) "…you know I don't care, Sakura."

Me: "_Fiiine!_"

HE HAS TO GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH. Sai's only advice was to go with something romantic-ish, but that'd seem really weird coming from a girl with a boyfriend. 

And what the hell. Sasuke-kun plus romance equals the apocalypse.

_I HATE LIFE._

So attempt due (my Italian skills of epic fail. Uno, due, tre…):

Me: "Ummm… Sasuke-kun, do you _need _anything? Like, so I can give it to you as a birthday present?" 

Sasuke-kun: (shrugs noncommittally): "…no."

(Of course I forget that he's filthy rich and probably doesn't need the aid of a middle-class citizen such as myself.)

Me: "Well, okay."

Sasuke-kun: (sighs) "Are we going to continue with the Economics or not?"

…and then that was basically it. 

UGH. Okay, I'll tell you: Sasuke-kun is _hot_. And smart. And chiselled. And athletic. And dedicated. And kindofsortofoccassionallynotanasshole. But, um, _WHY. WHY DO I LIKE HIM SO MUCH?_

Maybe I'm a horrible superficial person.

Or maybe I just think his hotness equals an A plus, plus, _plus_ as a _bonus_. 

UGH.

Love from someone unloved,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––You know what; I should just give him a _tomato _or something. What the hell.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (no subject)

She's annoying. 

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: _You're _annoying

Who? Sakura-chan? 

Teme, she's not annoying. The fact that you're in major denial must annoy you heaps though. HAHA, SUCKS TO BE YOU. HAHA, SASUKE SUCKS.

HAHAHA.

Shut up. I'm immature.

Least I'm _honest _about it.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (no subject)

…why am I friends with you again?

(But no. She's not speaking to me––

I don't understand why.)

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: _You're _annoying; mark II

Well, see, YOU ALMOST KISSED HER. 

_AND THEN YOU DIDN'T EVER SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT._

_WHO THE HELL DOES THAT._

_**I **__WOULD BE PISSED._

If I was a girl, of course. Which I'm not. 

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––and don't say you didn't almost kiss her. You grabbed her face and looked at her alluringly and everything. What the hell were you doing if you _weren't _debating kissing her? Looking for inspiration for some emo poetry or something?

_She is beautiful like a cherry blossom in wintertime,  
__A dying beauty that I will never call my own,  
Because I am––_

_AN IDIOTIC ASSHOLE. _Believe it!

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (no subject)

I am never speaking to you again.

* * *

**INO AND SAKURA'S SHOPPING LIST FOR SASUKE'S PARTY  
**_Items for Ino  
_And items for Sakura

-_some new eyeliner and blue eye shadow. _(You already look like a whore, Ino-pig. You don't wanna accentuate your whorishness, do ya?) _Boo, Sakura, BITCH._

-a new shirt. (_I KNOW, I KNOW! You want one that says "Take me now" or "Have my cherry" on it. Right?) _Oh gosh, that was _such _a lame retaliation. (_You know you want to really.) _Maybe if it was Orlando Bloom's party. (_No, 'cause then you'd have to wait your turn. ORLANDO'S MINE.)_

-_some smexy high heels. _(Ino, you broke your ankle last time you wore heels.) _Technicalities!_

-a handbag. (_But what about that sexy black one?) _The clasp broke. (_OH MY GOSH! Why do you ruin everything good in your life for yourself? Sasuke, kissing, handbags…) _I cannot believe you just compared my breaking a handbag to Sasuke-kun.

-_some __**good **__pick-up lines. _(Oh, sure, because there's a store at the mall called "Pick Up Lines For Newbies"). _THERE SHOULD BE! __**I **__could be the store manager. _

-SASUKE-KUN'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT. UGHH. IDEAS?

_(For someone who is completely not obsessive, you're sure fooling __**me.)**_

Shuuut up. 

(_See, you're not even denying it now. Anyway, I think you should get him tomatoes.)_

That's what _I _thought.

(_Hello? It's the only thing he likes. Besides you. And I mean he's already mostly got one of those.)_

HAHA VERY FUNNY. **NO BITCH.**

(_Maybe you should get him a brain. Or, well, just a libido is fine.)_

…again, there's really a store at the mall which has libidos on sale, preferably for under fifty bucks.

* * *

**22/7: school. Somewhere. Doing something.**

I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to be learning in class today.

And I actually don't care for once.

SAKURA-CHAN IS **LIBERATED. ISH.**

**Well, in this case, it's more 'cause I'm being lazy and I'm really uninterested in all things school-related. **But whatever. To me, it's a source of liberation, because I am like the world's biggest nerd. Lacking glasses and thousands of blemishes, thankfully enough.

WHATEVER. I'M GETTING OFF TOPIC.

See, I think all that chocolate at lunch was probably a bad idea…

BECAUSE I'VE HAD A GRAND IDEA FOR SASUKE-KUN'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT. I could get, like, a crate of tomatoes delivered to his house anonymously, with a love confession engraved unto the box, and _then_––

No?

Okay, well, _fine_.

Love from your hyperactive master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––BLAME INO-PIG. SHE GAVE ME MONEY FOR THE VENDING MACHINE.

…Starburst is awesome like whoa. And so is Hershey's. 

* * *

Hey, Sakura-chan! So you're definitely coming to the party, right?

Naruto, I've already told you yes LIKE A GAZILLION TIMES.

I'm just making sure. Geez. And how come you don't add 'Sakura-chan' at the end when _I _talk to you? I guess it's reserved for the teme.

I have _no _idea what you're talking about, Uzumaki. 

Ha! I'm sure. _Anyway_, I just wanted to tell you that the creepy art guy's pretty cool.

Creepy art guy? You mean _Sai_?

Yeah. Him. I mean, I _know _you said I wasn't allowed to talk about him, but I figured if it was something good, you wouldn't mind.

…um, okay. Well, thanks. At least you're not like _some _people, who blame everything I do wrong on him. On that note, what should I get Sasuke-kun for his birthday? I'm _way _out of ideas!

…I dunno. Tomatoes?

Seriously. Is this like all anyone can come up with? We've known him since we were six. 

…I still think tomatoes are good. He might bite you if you don't get him tomatoes.

I think Sasuke-kun has matured a little since he was a kid, Naruto.

Well, not _that _much. He has yet to develop normal social functions.

Ha. I guess you're right.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: The Plan

So, is everything set for tomorrow night? 

_Sai._

_aaa_

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: RAMEN

Yeah. Everything's set up and good to go.

THIS WINS.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––do I get ramen for helping?

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: I know what Ugly means now

…what's so fascinating about noodles in soup?

_Sai._

P.S––this is done out of the goodness of your own heart, right? 

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: RAMEN!

WHAT. BLASPHEMY.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––_**AS IF. **_

**_aaa_**

**Art-Class-Freak: **So, Sakura, you ready for Sasuke's party?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Yeah. You going?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Hmm. I'll drop by later on to see how you're doing, but I'm not gonna be hanging around you or anything, Ugly. Otherwise Sasuke might not be open for talking.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **You think? Well, thanks.

**Art-Class-Freak: **I wasn't aware there was anyone thank-worthy about that, but you're welcome.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Lol. No … I mean thankyou for everything you've done so far. Even if most of it hasn't _worked_ properly, it still means a lot to me. 

**Art-Class-Freak: **Of course it's worked. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. You got a present for Sasuke yet?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Actually, about that, I just got him the _perfect _present today!

**Art-Class-Freak: **Hmm? And that is?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Well, you'll have to wait and see. But he'll hate it. Seriously. 

**Art-Class-Freak: **Okay, so … that's good?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I'm holding out to see the look on his face.

* * *

**23/7: in the room of yamanaka ino **

GETTING MY HAIR DONE.

I always feel so pretty when I go to Ino's house, because she's like a beautician almost. And she makes my hair not stand out so much, so I don't look like I just landed from Mars and am an extra terrestrial. 

I'm kind of nervous about tonight … but only because it involves confronting Sasuke-kun about the kiss-ish-thing (well, _I don't think it was_, but no one believes me). I mean, wouldn't _you _be nervous?

Yes. Yes, you would. (HUMOUR ME.)

I MEAN, THERE'S THE SMALL POSSIBILITY THAT HE ALMOST KISSED ME. Is that slightly scary? Of course I think maybe he was just, I dunno, _angry _possibly? As in, he was going all back-the-hell-off-ish? 

_(HARUNO SAKURA, STOP BEING SUCH AN IDIOT AND STOP FIDGETING WHILE I DO YOUR HAIR. IT'S ANNOYING.)_

…ignore Ino-pig. Ignore ignore _ignore_.

(_I shun you!)_

…she's such a weirdo.

Love from your confusedly contemplative captor,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––what awesomely awe-inspiring alliteration. HAHA.

(_…Sakura, I am prohibiting you from eating Starburst and drinking Dr. Pepper at the same time. Ever. Again.) _

_aaa_

"Sakura, stop fidgeting."

"I'm _nervous_."

"I don't _care!_"

"Screw you!"

"Your hair's getting all messy!"

"SHUT UP, I'M NERVOUS!"

"Seriously, billboard brow!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

* * *

_Yeah. Whatever. _

The party is in full-swing when Ino and I get there. Actually, it's more like a hugely massive dose of déjà vu, what with all the music and the people and the total trashing of the Uchiha estate going on. I kind of wonder where Sasuke-kun's parents are right now. 

Then again, they're important rich people. They probably have thousands of places to be.

Anyway, Ino-pig doesn't listen to my suggestion we go get a drink and sit down somewhere. Instead she starts looking for Sasuke-kun right away, telling me that I have to "speak now or forever hold my peace".

(I really wish she would stop with the marital references.)

"Come on, Sakura," she is sagely detailing a story of a woebegone me in a rocking chair if I don't go to Sasuke-kun now. "You _have _to––"

"I'm going, I'm going!" I grumble. "It's _his _party anyway, so he's bound to be around here somewhere. Seriously. You make me sound like someone who's gonna run away as soon as he appears––oh _gosh _there he _is_, Ino, **hide me!**"

I attempt to get behind Ino, only to find that she's a few inches shorter than me. Sasuke-kun spots me immediately, to my misfortune, and comes over to me. 

(_WHY? HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ANTI-SOCIAL AND STUFF.)_

"Hi!" I chirp brightly, not really feeling it. "Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn," he nods slightly, and then glances at Ino, and back at me. "Thanks."

"Well, I'm gonna go get a drink!" Ino announces. "Happy birthday, Sasuke, by the way. See you."

She races off, leaving me behind in her dust. I glare as meanly as I can, but Sasuke-kun is kind of staring, so my attention span doesn't last long. I glance over at him. He's staring at the parcel in my hand, as though it's about to catch fire and burn the building down.

"Oh, right! Your birthday present," I indicate to it. "Can we go somewhere quieter, maybe? And then I'll give it to you."

Sasuke-kun assents, turning on his heel and disappearing into the crowd. You know, sometimes I wonder how Naruto ever got to befriend him. Seriously. He hardly ever talks. He'd be a boring conversationalist. But I guess Naruto never notices––

Oh, right, sorry. I _am _following him. Totally.

He goes out into the pool area, which is completely deserted. Most probably because the fence is alarmed and you need to input a code to get in. Wow. I guess Fugaku took burglary seriously. Because, you know, people steal pools a lot.

_(On account of the fact they're IN THE GROUND._

…_shut up. I have my priorities right.)_

"…why'd you get me a present?" he asks in annoyance as he stops walking, after the gate closes behind me. "I said you didn't need to."

"Nu-uh," I retaliate. "You said you didn't _care_. There's a difference. I don't care about your not caring. So here."

He takes it grudgingly; still looking at it like it might eat him. He carefully unwraps the paper and takes out its contents. 

He stares at me.

I stare back, carefully blank.

More time passes.

"…what…_is _this?"

"A birthday present," I reply calmly. "It seemed fitting."

"…it's a shirt," he says uncomprehendingly. 

"With 'Cheer up, emo kid' on it," I add.

"Because, you know, that basically sums up how I feel about you," I continue conversationally. 

(If you must know, I stole a vodka cruiser from Ino's fridge to calm my nerves. SHUT UP.)

"And also, you said you didn't care, so I figured you wouldn't be too upset if I didn't get you a _real _present," I feel incredibly brave now. But not really. Because I'm being cryptic. But whatever. 

"…and I said we shouldn't talk about what happened on Thursday night, but that was only because of the tutoring thing. And, um, so I wanted to ask now… what exactly _did _happen. Just so I can be sure."

Sasuke-kun looks up, surprised. "I wasn't going to kiss you," he said, very quickly.

(In fact, he said it so fast some of the words blurred together.)

"…I never said that," I said, because I didn't.

He looked the same as always, but something shifted in his eyes. "Naruto said that's what you thought," he grumbles. 

_Did he now? _That guy's effort at sparking something that is sparkless is truly admirable.

…NOT.

"Well, Naruto is an _idiot! _And he's stupid, too," I shrug. "But…um, how come that'd be a problem? Y'know, if I _did _think that?"

Sasuke-kun stops looking so irritable, and stares at me like I'm crazy. "…you're dating Sai," he points out, as if it's the most obvious thing in the universe. "You shouldn't get the wrong idea."

_OH, WELL SHIT SAKURA, __**THAT **__WAS STUPID_.

Of course if you _actually _had a boyfriend that you _actually _liked romantically and you _actually _thought someone you supposedly didn't like had tried to kiss you, you would _actually _be freaked and maybe slightly put-off––

BUT WHAT THE HELL SASUKE-KUN, **why did YOU have to think that!?**

"Oh," I gulp slightly. "Of course."

Sasuke-kun raises an eyebrow. "…hn?"

"Um, no. I was just … I wasn't thinking about it like that … I mean… heh…"

GOD, SAKURA, YOU'RE A FOOL. 

He seemed slightly suspicious now. Which he has every right to be, I suppose, because I'm acting kinda weirdly about the Sai thing right now. Because it's kind of laughable that I would be put off by Sasuke-kun being about to kiss me…

"…Sakura, are you––"

He's cut off when something crashes loudly inside, and he winces involuntarily. 

"…dobe," he mutters, brusquely stalking past me and back into the house.

I shiver, sinking.

* * *

**23/7: SAKURA'S DEBATE OF LIFE**

…okay, so:

-I think life is stupid

-I think life is unfair

-I think life requires mass amounts of wit

-I think life has too many crash zones

-I think life cheats teenagers

-I think life has lots of consequences

-I think life is sucky because it involves hormones

-I think life is sucky because it involves emotions

-I think life is stupid

-I think life is easier to live emo

-I think life is crappy

-I think life IS MEAN TO SAKURA

-I think life is stupid

THERE WE GO.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU ARGUE WITH ME _NOW_.

…god, I'm so weird.

Love from the psychopath,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––WHERE'S INO? I NEED TO BE COMFORTED.

_Waaah._

I sort of screwed up big time. Ish.

I feel poetic.

_I'm a moron,  
But I will soar on,  
And do the best I can,  
To get my own man––_

OKAY. THAT'S JUST _PAINFUL. _

_aaa_

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: WTF

Uchiha just stormed into the house for no reason, and now Ugly looks kind of upset. 

Pray tell? 

(You _better _have your Blackberry turned on, moron.)

_Sai. _

_aaa_

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Whoops

I was just preparing the last parts of the plan and I accidentally crashed into someone and broke a vase?

SHUT UP. IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

_I _haven't had _any _alcohol yet.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––Sasuke's pissed. Maybe we should delay the plan?

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: …

No, don't delay it. Technically, the plan should cheer him up.

Hypothetically speaking. 

_Sai._

_aaa_

**23/7: the pool area**

I'm deciding not to go back into the party. It's _nice _out here, being alone and debating life _AND HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I AM._

If Sasuke-kun gets suspicious about the whole me-dating-Sai thing, then I'm screwed. Because if he figures out _why _I've done this whole thing, he'll either get a) mad or b) freaked out, therefore never speaking to me again. 

(Not that it would make much of a difference.)

BUT HELLO. 

EITHER WAY EQUALS **BAD. BAD. BADDD.**

Speaking of Sasuke-kun, he's coming back now…

Oops.

Okay, Sakura-chan, _think smart!_

Love from your stressed out, incompetent, stupid, moronic, _love struck, _ditzy––

Yeah, me, Haruno Sakura

P.S––OHMYGOSH SASUKE-KUN LOOKS PISSED.

HALP?

* * *

"Sakura––" he reaches me, about to speak. Most probably to spell out my death with his too-pretty voice and all. (Plus, he looks really sexily annoyed. UGH.) 

"Did anyone break anything expensive?" I divert his attention momentarily.

"No," he says in annoyance. "But Sakura––"

And then all the lights go out, all at once.

* * *

A/N: YAY CHAPTER EIGHT IS UP IN TIME FOR EASTER. YAY I'M AWESOME. Ish. But whatever. Yes, I am _so _sorry about the poetry in this chapter--yes, I understand how lame it was. Yes, I'm going to go hide now. I COULDN'T RESIST. EMO POETRY IS ALLURING. Naruto making up emo poetry for Sasuke makes me smile. SHADDUP. And yes, it's a cliffhanger. I know I'm evil.

And I went over and fixed up previous chapters because the formatting went all weird all of a sudden, and some of the line breaks just went poof. AND NOW THEY'RE GONE. I dunno. Does anyone know why this happened?


	9. bugs and buffy and feeling blue, oh my!

**STUPID THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE**

-Uchiha Sasuke, first and foremost

-Falling up the stairs and getting a bruise on the famous forehead

-Spilling chocolate cake all over my white skirt––_NOT A GOOD SITUATION_

-Sitting on tomato sauce while in a white skirt––_DITTO_

-Listening to Ino-pig and Sai and my inner Iago––WHATEVER GUYS, I'VE BEEN STUDYING OTHELLO AND _SHUT UP I QUOTED SHAKESPEARE_

-Trying to sex up the situation with Sasuke-kun. _Hahaha, I'm so __**smooth. **_NOT.

-Um, the time that I told everyone in third grade I was vegetarian, so they bought me vegetables for my birthday. _Third graders are not smart. Keep this in mind._

-Uchiha Sasuke _existing _and having an important place in my life/mind

BUT MOST OF ALL––

-Letting myself be _afraid of the dark. _

* * *

I'm relatively sure that this fear stemmed from early psychological trauma.

Well, no.

Actually it was just my own personal conspiracy theory that yes, there _were _monsters under the bed and yes they _would _eat me if I didn't have a night-light and yes, darkness _was _bad.

So there you go.

But ever since, darkness and I have been at loggerheads. As in, I filed for emancipation and it said no, so we're currently in a legal debate. So you can understand that when all the lights went _kabam _out of action, I was more than a little freaked. Especially because I was near a pool and could fall and hit my head and drown and _die_.

So I screamed. Loudly. For awhile––

Until someone inconsiderately clamped a hand over my mouth, at least.

"Be quiet," Sasuke-kun growls harshly, sounding _way _more pissed off than usual. I guess considering his house just kind of had a power-cut while hundreds of guests are inside, it _is_ a cause for concern. _I _would be pissed.

"Mppph," I reply eloquently.

"Come on," Sasuke-kun begins dragging me back to the house, hand locked around my wrist. Although he's kind of forgetting that I'm––

"AGH! STOP IT, JERK! I DON'T WANT TO MOVE!"

––_not cool with this_.

He turns around to stare at me. Or at least I _think _he does. I can't really see.

"What's _wrong _with you?" he grumbles.

_I am shit scared by the dark and have been since early childhood. _Somehow I don't think this'll impress him. Hell, _Ino-pig _laughed for about five hours straight when I told _her_, and she's a pretty pitiful individual herself.

(Not to say that I don't love her, of course.)

"I…I…" I flounder, like a fish out of water. "I don't think it's safe! What if we fall into the pool?"

"…the pool's in the other direction."

"What if we trip over someone else and you twist your ankle?"

"…I'll take the chance."

"What if you twist _their _ankle?"

"Hn."

"But what if something _really _bad––"

Sasuke-kun sighs audibly, tightening his grip on my wrist. "I'm sure you'll be fine, Sakura."

"This is the perfect setting for a horror movie! I bet there's an axe-murderer just _waiting _for us outside the gate! I've seen The Grudge; I _know _that darkness equals **bad**––"

"Sakura." Yep, he sounds unimpressed.

(At least this means he's forgotten about how suspicious he is about the whole Sai and me thing––I don't think even _Sasuke-kun _would interrogate someone while they're freaking about how pitch black the place is.)

"…yes?" I attempt.

"…don't be scared," he says finally, tiredly. "It's stupid."

I pout. "It's not. It's perfectly reasonable."

"…I'm right here anyway. Nothing's going to happen," he turns away, and mutters something which sounds a lot like 'idiot', but hey, I wasn't really caring about that.

(He basically said he'd _protect _me!

…I'm such a loser.)

"I trust you," I told him, reluctantly letting him drag me out of the pool area and back towards the party.

"Hn," he responds, although I _swear _it wasn't as grumpily as usual.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: We're winners

So the lights are out. You got the next stage planned, Uzumaki?

(Where the hell did you disappear to, anyway?)

_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: No, _**I'M **_a winner

YES! NARUTO'S GOT IT GOIN' ON.

Who knew that childhood friendship with Sakura-chan would actually _help? _Because seriously, she's one psychotic teenager.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––I'm practicing my balance skills. There are people _everywhere_. They're scary. And it's squishy. How long do we have to stay upstairs?

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Sure you are

…just save your hyperactivity for someone else.

I think they're coming inside now.

_Sai._

P.S––Do I even want to know what you mean by 'balance skills'?

* * *

"Sasuke-kun?" I inquire for the millionth time, just to see if he's still listening to me.

"…hn?" he sounds annoyed, but stops and turns to me. (At least he _moved_. Unsure about _where _he's facing.)

"Where _is _everyone?" I ask, looking around.

Unless they all mysteriously vanished in the space of five minutes––and I find this doubtful because I heard them all clamouring around and shouting and drinking alcohol regardless of lighting before––then they just kind of _left_.

Sasuke-kun stops. "Hn…"

"Um, you think they all went home?"

"No."

"Right. I thought that sounded stupid, too."

Sasuke-kun calls out for Naruto a few times, but nobody answers. See, the Uchiha mansion is massive, and is about four storeys, so they could have just all migrated upstairs where there's better light. But why would no one be answering, then?

_This is really creepy, like a nightmare or a scene from a horror movie––_

I knock an empty beer can accidentally, and stiffen. Sasuke-kun snorts derisively, before letting go of my wrist and moving away from me.

(NO! My shield's deserting me!)

"I'll check upstairs," he sighs. "It's probably some stupid joke of the dobe's––" I swear if Naruto had _anything _to do with this then I'll… "Wait here."

"But––"

Sasuke-kun leaves before I get to put forth my excellent idea of finding maybe the power box instead of rushing all gallant-like upstairs to uncover the mystery of the power shortage. Sakura-chan _likes _light, and would like the light to be back on, please.

HAY, SASUKE-KUN'S _GONE_.

So I'll just resolve to remain in the same spot as he slowly makes his way up the stairs, cursing when he stubs his toe. This resolve, however, is mostly shattered when I feel something _slimy _touching my leg. See, I went for open-toe shoes, so I instantly felt––

Felt something _crawling_––

**BUGS!**

"AAAH SASUKE-KUN HELP HELP BUGS THERE'S BUGS HEEELP!!"

It takes about five full seconds for Sasuke-kun to get to the bottom of the stairs again, and he doesn't even comment on how I cling to him and keep screaming about the bugs. Instead he just swats them away and I'm _sure _he rolls his eyes.

"I _said _you were fine, Sakura, didn't I?" he asks, displeased.

"B-bugs…" I shiver, sinking, mindful of all the creepy-crawlies.

"You're scared of bugs too?"

"Shut _up! _You––" I suddenly had a brilliant revelation. "You're scared of _teddy bears_," I hiss.

He freezes. "…no, I'm not."

I smirk. "Yes, you _are! _I remember when you were a little kid and your mum took you to––"

"Sakura."

"––that store and asked you which of the teddy bears you wanted––"

"_Sakura_."

"––and you screamed and said they were scary and started to _cry_––"

(I think I'm delighting in this too much.)

"Why are you dating Sai?" Sasuke-kun blurts suddenly.

(Okay, not so much.)

I blink.

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Success?

So did that part of the plan work? I can't hear anything! There's too many people in here! (And they're getting annoyed.) I'm kind of glad the teme has a completely soundproofed house.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Definitively so

Remind me to thank Shino for the bugs. He might not be getting some of them back, however. But yes, it's working.

_Sai._

P.S––and be patient, moron.

* * *

I shift uncomfortably.

"…Sakura?" Sasuke-kun questions after a long and painful pause.

"You just don't like the teddy bear story!" I grumble.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I _know _that," I sigh. (Haha. Ironic. **NOT.**) "It's a long story, okay?"

"…we have time."

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I shoot back.

He snarls. We're both stuck with answering questions we really don't want to answer now, I think. Well, that's fine! If he doesn't want to answer, then it's okay as long as I don't have to, either.

"Tell me," he demands.

"_You _tell _me!_"

"I asked first."

"God, mature much?"

"Sakura, don't be annoying."

"**I'M **not the annoying one in the equation! You're the … the … manipulative _stupid _one who's trying to get me to answer stuff I don't want to!"

"It's a simple question."

"No, it's really _not!_"

"…do you not like him or something?" Sasuke-kun perks up, narrowing his eyes. I know because I can see the slightest tinge of red glinting in the dark. "Has he _hurt _you?"

I shake my head vehemently. "Nothing like that, Sasuke-kun."

"…then what?" he's getting impatient.

"I––"

I'm screwed. If I tell him that it's because I _want _to be dating him and that I _like _Sai (which is kind of what I've been trying to get him to believe so far) then I could possibly lose Sasuke-kun. After what Ino-pig said especially. But––ugh, Sasuke-kun doesn't even like me _anyway_, so why's it a problem?

(Because I love _him_. MORON.)

"I can't tell you, okay?" I sniff, crossing my arms over my chest and looking away.

"Why not?" he growls in frustration. "You're being stupid."

"I'm not! Again, why are you so adamant on knowing?" I shake my head, pink hair flying everywhere. "It's not as if you're _jealous!_"

He's silent.

I'm silent.

We stare at each other. (I think.)

Then I get an idea. A crazy, stupid, _bad_ idea that is born from being in the dark and just being assaulted by bugs. But it's still an idea nonetheless. And it's better than waiting around dumbly for the power to come back on, and not saying anything––

"You really want to know?" I ask quietly.

(**I'M CRAZY. IT'S OFFICIAL.**)

"…obviously," he sounds disgruntled.

(Don't blame him, really.)

"I could show you," I enunciate slowly, like the words are killing me. Which they pretty much _are_, because this is the single most _painful_ and _stupid _thing I think I have ever been about to do in my _life_––

"What do you mean?"

"Um, well…" I trail off, and move slightly closer to him. I don't know if he notices, because it's dark and all.

Then I lean in, grabbing hold of the front of his shirt. He stiffens, and then––

And then the lights come back on.

(Needless to say, I _ran _as fast as I could as _soon _as that happened.

Reality hit me in the face.)

* * *

To: artclassfreak; foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: **FREAKIN' MORONS**

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SAKURA, YOU FREAKIN' SOCIOPATHS?

I understand that you think this is all for the best…

BUT YOU ARE MEN. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?

She's confined herself to her room for a couple of hours now!

FEEL BAD.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: _Huh?_

You said it went okay, Uzumaki. You said that Sakura looked _happy_. You assured me it would be fine and I could leave and turn the power back on.

WHAT.

THE.

**HELL?**

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: And I'm really sorry…

I don't think I'll be able to make it for lunch today. I'll make it up to you, though.

Sorry.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––and don't listen to Ino-pig. She's just going into psychotic best friend mode. I'm fine, just incredibly stupid.

* * *

"You are _so _not fine, Sakura––"

"Go away, Ino-pig!"

"Your mum let me in!"

"Well, screw her! Go away!"

"I know you're upset, but––"

"I'm not upset, okay? I'm perfectly all right. Just feeling like the biggest idiot in the universe!"

"I'm coming in."

"Don't!"

"I am!"

"Agh!"

"I AM HERE TO CHEER YOU UP WITH A _LIST!"_

"Ino, we're not _twelve _anymore!"

"What-_ever_."

* * *

**SOME MOVIES GUARANTEED TO MAKE SAKURA FEEL GOOD  
**as written by Ino  
_and grudgingly (YES INO-PIG) commented by Sakura_

1) _The Grudge_

Um, Sakura, how does _the Grudge _fit the criteria of feel-good movies?

_I can imagine myself __**being **__the Grudge. It would be fun._

Oh-kaay…

2) Failure to Launch

_Eww. Matthew __McConaughey._

SHUT UP SARAH JESSICA PARKER IS AWESOME. On that note, _Sex and the City _probably suffices anyway.

_Totally._

3) _Nightmare on Elm Street_

_Don't knock this. I could be Freddy Kruger. _

Is someone getting a little too emo here, or is it just me? You sound like Sasuke.

_YOU WROTE HIS __**NAME**_

Sakura. Seriously.

4) She's All That

_Dude. HE USED HER AND THEN FELL IN LOVE WITH HER. LIKE, THAT NEVER HAPPENS. _

OH SHUT UP AND ENJOY THIS, BITCH.

5) _Homeroom_

What's that about?

_A high school shooting._

…Sakura, please don't tell me you're serious.

_I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THIS STUPID GAME._

Well, tough!

6) Elizabethtown

ADMIT IT. YOU LOVE THIS ONE.

_Orlando Bloom … okay, fine, I succumb. _

OH YEAH, I'M GOOD.

_Tch. He's too __**hot **__to ignore._

7) _Legally Blonde_

_Her outfits were awesome. Shut up._

Finally you stopped being so morbid.

* * *

**24/7: blah**

I want to be Buffy.

If I was Buffy, I wouldn't be feeling so downhearted 'cause all her problems work out in the end. Plus, she's super-hot, and not even _vampires _can resist her sexiness. At a last count, just about _every male on the planet _resisted mine.

THAT'S SO UNFAIR.

Maybe I should dye my hair blonde.

Then I'd look like Ino…

Okay. Never mind. That would be _too _scary.

Love from your DEPRESSIVE master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––I AM SO CRAVING BEN AND JERRY'S. LIKE **WHOA. **Fatness will depress me more, though, I think.

* * *

**25/7: really, really freakishly early**

I want to be Buffy because Buffy has Angel.

And Riley.

And Spike.

WHAT THE HELL. SHARE THEM AROUND, WOULD YOU, WOMAN?

Love from your in-the-mood-for-a-marathon master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––I have got to stop using alliteration. It helps no one. I should also stop watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer _considering it's two in the morning.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

…something happened at my party the other night.

When the lights were out––Sakura tried to––

…I'm not sure.

(And you are going down. Do you know how many dead bugs are in my house, dobe?)

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: MOFO

I HATE KNOWING PEOPLE WHO MANAGE TO BE CRYPTIC IN EMAILS. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, TEME?

DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––I swear, I had no _idea _Shino let his bugs loose, by the way!

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: …mofo?

…I think she almost kissed me.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT

You people are crazy. What's with all the "almost kisses", huh? Hurry up already!

You need counselling. Pronto.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––well, is it a good thing or a bad thing, teme?

* * *

School the next day was probably the worst experience of my life. Or one of them. _Everyone _who had been at the party last night was staring, on account of the fact as soon as the lights turned back on, everyone had barged downstairs and seen me run away from Sasuke-kun.

(THIS.

CANNOT.

BE.

**HAPPENING.)**

Fortunately, I haven't seen Sasuke-kun as of yet and I'm kind of happy with it staying that way. I mean, if I never see him ever again. A convent sounds good. Nunnery doesn't seem _too _far-fetched, right? On a scale of one to ten, it'd be _good _for me.

I'd be the first pink-haired one, no doubt.

"Hey, Ugly," a voice greets me.

I whirl around. "Sai!"

I am _so glad _to see him right now. Out of Sasuke-kun himself, Naruto and Ino-pig, Sai-of-no-last-name is practically a **GOD.**

(Sakura ain't doing too well with her nunnery plan. Pssh.)

"You won by about a gazillion points, and you _still _didn't show to gloat," he draws me into a hug––this one is a friendly one, though, an _I'll be here for you _type hug. It makes my heart fuzzy. "Very unlike you."

"I know. I didn't feel so great," I admit. "You don't know the story, but––"

"Ino told me," Sai interrupts, smirking.

"Oh." I SWEAR I'LL KILL THAT GIRL ONE DAY.

"It would've been a good plan if you'd actually _done _it."

"No, it was a stupid plan to begin with," I shiver.

Sai looks like he's about to disagree.

It's right now that Sasuke-kun turns the corner, and I know that he notices me right away.

(Last night was a huge mistake––**WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, HARUNO SAKURA!? **Seriously. Sasuke-kun _doesn't like you, _in fact, he probably thinks you're the hugest freak especially after being suspicious about Sai––)

I have one last method of self-defence.

"Kiss me," I order Sai, while Sasuke-kun's out of hearing range.

"Why?" Sai asks, confused.

"_Kiss me,_" I growl. Sai looks up, notices Sasuke-kun, and then looks back down at me. His expression is sort of … I dunno, sympathetic? Disappointed?

"If you want," he shrugs, and kisses me.

I feel the tears in my own eyes even as I see Sasuke-kun storm off.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

Forget what I said.

She's happy with him.

I'll stop trying to interfere. It's stupid.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Bad news

…I think Sakura's almost completely given up on him now.

We have to do something, and fast. Something that _works_.

…I didn't want to resort to plan B, but it looks like it's required.

_Sai._

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: You okay?

Naruto, are you feeling all right? You're kind of twitching while you're reading your emails. Hope you don't have a seizure. Some bad news?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Haha

You have _no _idea.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

_Naruto, ask Sakura the answer to question five._

What? No!

Naruto-kun, could you _please _tell Sasuke-kun that he can stop glaring at me like that?

Err…sure thing, Sakura-chan.

_Dobe, did you get the answer?_

No, I didn't.

Naruto, he hasn't stopped glaring.

Sorry, Sakura-chan.

_I need the answer. Get it now._

Whatever!

What a freaking asshole. MAKE HIM STOP.

* * *

"I QUIT! YOU TWO ARE LOSERS! STOP MAKING ME INTO THE MESSENGER! I HATE LIFE!"

* * *

**25/7: my friends are odd**

Naruto had a nervous breakdown in IT. I have no idea why, really. He just randomly stood up and started shouting at us. But the idiot got all three of us detention, which is just peachy. I have never gotten detention before in my _life_, and now this is gonna be twice in one month. All because of Sasuke-kun.

I hope he knows how much I sacrifice for him.

…ugh. This makes me think about the other night.

**UGH.**

**UGH.**

**UGH.**

Okay, you want to know what I was thinking? Yes, you do, because _I'm _wondering that, too.

I was thinking _hey, here's a chance to end all this and __**finally **__admit to Sasuke-kun what I've been too afraid to admit. If I do this now, I don't have to worry about using Sai anymore, and I also don't have to worry about seducing Sasuke-kun/making him jealous/exacting revenge/loving him so much it hurts. _

But _then _I chickened out.

And realised that I kind of don't really want to see his reaction, because I know it's gonna be a negative one. He's gonna be all glare-y, and maybe use Look Twenty-Five. ("How could you ever think that's even _remotely _the case? You're an idiot. Out of my breathing space. Now. I never want to see you again.")

I think I might just possibly _die _if that happened.

SO I'LL SETTLE FOR BEING DEPRESSED, YEAH?

IT'S BETTER THAN BEING _MORBIDLY _DEPRESSED.

That's right.

Love from your master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––besides, I pissed Sasuke-kun off to the max by kissing Sai. I think it's safe to assume he won't want to even come near me for awhile. SO THERE YOU GO.

I'm cool with that.

Ish.

(AGH, I HATE LIFE, TOO. NARUTO HAS A _POINT_.)

* * *

**STUPID THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE (REVISED):**

-Uchiha Sasuke

-Uchiha Sasuke

-Uchiha Sasuke

-Uchiha Sasuke

-Uchiha Sasuke

THERE. THAT JUST ABOUT SUMS IT UP.

* * *

A/N: So this chapter was a bit more depressing than the last one. Don't worry, eventually this story _will _actually have SasuSaku and not all this "almost" stuff. 'CAUSE I HAVE AN ACTUAL PLOT, YES I DO, SO FEEL PROUD OF ME. But whatever. I wonder what Sai and Naruto's plan B could be, hmm? AND GUYS, PARTICIPATE IN MY POLL IN MY PROFILE, 'CAUSE IT'S FUN. YEAHH.


	10. most blah in the whole history of blah

**Foxydemon: **So? Plan B?

**Art-Class-Freak: **It's prepared.

**Foxydemon: **AWESOME. You know, I'll go kill them both with ramen if _this _doesn't work.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Ramen? (Not the noodles in the soup _again_.)

**Foxydemon: **YOU KNOW NOT THE POWERS OF RAMEN, BLASPHEMER.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Sometimes I wonder why the Uchiha can stand _you_, out of everyone on the planet. Don't you wonder that, too?

**Foxydemon: **ISH BECAUSE I HAS AWESOMENESS.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Yeah. And Uchiha Sasuke _really _appreciates personality. It makes me wonder what kind of crazy shit made him so psychotic.

**Foxydemon: **Well, his brother's psychotic. And so's his dad. And his mum. And hay, basically the Uchiha clan is psychotic. BUT THEY ARE RIDICULOUSLY RICH. So nobody ever points it out to them.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Also, the fangirls would kill you for suggesting their 'precious Sasuke-kun' was anything but.

**Foxydemon: **Right. They're _scary_.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Yeah…anyway, off-topic. Uzumaki, are you absolutely sure this is going to work?

**Foxydemon: **Uhh, duh! Why _wouldn't _it? You know what the teme's like.

**Art-Class-Freak: **I guess so.

**Foxydemon: **Ohhh, _I _see. You were asking that question for _yourself_, right? Yeah, well, it might screw _you _over for a little while. But whatever!

**Art-Class-Freak: **It's nice to see how much you care.

* * *

**26/7: blah-blah-**_**blah**_

Well, detention last night was _fun_. NOT.

Okay, so imagine being in the last place you could ever possibly want to be. Imagine being stuck in said place with somebody who _absolutely _seemed to despise you, and put in a clown for good measure. What do you get?

THE CREATION OF BADNESS.

Well, Haruno Sakura was subjected to this badness last night. It was not fun. Haruno Sakura is debating jumping off a building to end her miserable, pathetic life.

…although that would mean a distinct lack of comfort food. What with being dead and all.

So never mind.

But there _is _a bright side to all this melancholic-ness.

I JUST FAKED SICK. AHAHAHA. KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? No school for Sakura! Which, I can tell you, is a _huge _relief. Right now I get to relax in my oh-so-soft-and-comfy bed, and watch TV, and ponder over how much everyone else must be suffering right now.

FOR ONCE _I'M _NOT THE ONE SUFFERING.

THAT IS SO COOL.

So yeah.

(AND SASUKE-KUN WILL FEEL _BAD_.

…hopefully.)

Love from your devious-but-not-so-much master,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Sakura

Where's Sakura? She wasn't sick yesterday.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Our cherry blossom

She's not sick?

SHE'S NOT SICK?

Shows what _you _know, Uchiha. Because Sakura is very, _very _sick. Of everything.

SO GO FALL DOWN A HOLE SOMEWHERE, ASSHOLE.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: My retarded friend

Please excuse anything Sasuke does or says. He's a very disturbed child.

(PLUS, HE'S AN IDIOT. BUT WE'RE WORKING ON IT.

And _hey_, our plan _would've _worked if Sasuke wasn't such a reticent weirdo.)

SO––SO _THERE_.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Blind leading the blind

Why did you even start hanging out with Naruto and Sasuke?

_SERIOUSLY._

(And you better have a good reason for being off sick. They've both been spamming me and it's scary. _SCARY, I TELL YOU_!)

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––you want me to skip out on lunch and come over to see you, hun?

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Have no fear, Naruto's here!

Sakura-chan, you okay? Did you contract a disease from Sasuke in detention yesterday? That has to be the only _plausible _explanation. Because you're skipping on IT and _I need you! _So does Sasuke. In fact, he looks kind of pissed.

…Sasuke says hi. (Or, well, he said 'hn' when I told him I was emailing you.)

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

**26/7: friends like these**

I swear, THESE PEOPLE NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE.

I bet they'd continue to bitch at me even if I was on MY DEATH BED!

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!?

Blah,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––so I don't want to think about Sasuke-kun at the moment. I'm rather happy staying the hell away from him for awhile. SO HOW COME THEY INSIST ON REMINDING ME EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY OF WHAT I _CAN'T _HAVE!?

(With friends like these, who needs enemies?

…I think that's what my _grandma _used to say about her bingo friends.)

* * *

**THE CHEERING UP SAKURA MECHANISM  
designed by yamanaka ino**  
and ino's bubble is burst by the lovely sakura

**STEP ONE: think about your dream guy**.

This doesn't help. Step one is stupid.

**STEP TWO: imagine your dream guy is taking you on your dream date.**

Sasuke-kun taking me _horseback riding? _Like what the hell, Ino-pig? Do you realise that pigs would fly and shoot people down with machine guns and try for world domination before Sasuke-kun did this?

**STEP THREE: haruno sakura must stop being a female dog. **

WHATEVER, INO-PIG.

**STEP FOUR: imagine that your dream guy turns to you and says––**

The fact that my dream guy would even speak in the _first _place is enough of a surprise. Why am I doing this again?

**STEP FIVE: he **_**says **_**"I love you, Sakura."**

…yeah, but he's not gonna ever _do _that.

**STEP SIX: haruno sakura must believe her friends when they say "yes, he will".**

DO NOT WANT.

DO NOT WANT.

_DO NOT WANT._

**STEP SEVEN: haruno sakura must also stop channelling other people's spirits**

I have happiness. Just not in the form of Uchiha Sasuke. BUT IT'S OKAY. I have Sai. Sai's good enough.

See, see? Sakura's happy! HAPPY!

**STEP EIGHT: **_**de-ni-al.**_

That's a step? Huh?

**I GIVE UP. YOU'RE SO EMO. **

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Hey there, Ugly

I need to talk to you. Can I come round after school today?

_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Hey!

Sure. I don't have a contagious sickness or anything, so it's fine! Ha. I'll be really glad to see you because––well, basically yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, and you always cheer me up like whoa.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––is Sasuke-kun worried about me? At all? (And no, I'm _not _obsessive.)

* * *

**Art-Class-Freak: **I still think this is a _bad _idea, Uzumaki.

**Foxydemon: **Well, _I _wasn't the one who thought of it.

**Art-Class-Freak: **I know. But I thought our first plan would be successful.

**Foxydemon: **Tell me, if it gets Sakura with Sasuke, why's it a _bad _thing?

**Art-Class-Freak: **…it's not. Never mind.

* * *

So I'm anticipating Sai's arrival. So it's now pouring down with rain for no apparent reason, and I've been cooped up inside all day, with all my friends sending me long and abusive emails.

(IT'S BEEN A _LONG _DAY.)

"Ugly," says a voice from somewhere to my left.

I look over sharply, and see Sai standing at the door to my room, raising an eyebrow at me.

"How do you just randomly _appear _everywhere? Sasuke-kun does it, too," I grumble, standing up from my desk.

"Your mother let me in," he offers.

"My mother would let a murderous rapist in," I snort, before clasping my hands together and turning away. I mean, I've never _had _a boy in my _room _before. And, well, it's _Sai_. That kind of makes it less on the weird front.

STILL.

"Oh," I stop. "Did you want to go first?"

Sai suddenly looks kind of regretful, like something has clouded his mind. He then shakes his head. "Yeah," he says slowly. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Hmm. Then shoot," I smile encouragingly.

I sit down on the bed, but he remains standing, stiffening. He looks away, his posture all cramped and Sasuke-ish. I frown.

"Are you okay, Sai? 'Cause you kinda seem––"

"This isn't going to work out," he interrupts; face still turned away from me.

Colour me confused at this point. "Huh, what?"

"This game we have," he continues grudgingly. "It's not going to work."

"Well, you're the one who came up with it," I respond, slightly hurt. "I mean, if you didn't want to play it anymore, then you could've just _told _me––"

"You're being stupid," he informs me.

My frown deepens. This is very _sudden_, and not exactly welcome, either. I try to read his face, but it's still half turned away from me, and pained.

"I'm––huh?"

"This whole thing," he grimaces. "With Uchiha. _Obsessing _over him––" I flinch. "––and still chasing after him even when nothing comes of it. I felt _sorry _for you, so I decided I'd help you out for awhile, and see if you might get over him when nothing worked. But you _didn't_."

He pauses. "You're pathetic, Haruno."

I blink back the tears that threaten to spill from my eyes. His words stab into me like a rusty knife (just to wax poetic) and it _hurts_. I gulp, biting down on my lip hard and clenching my fists.

"I-I don't understand––" I say, my voice quiet. "Why are you saying all this?"

"Because you need to hear it," he tells me coldly. "Uchiha thinks it, I think it, hell, probably even your _friends _think it. You need to get over this stupid schoolgirl crush you have."

_Stupid schoolgirl crush. _That's what everyone in my life has been telling me it is. Even Ino-pig's said that a couple of times––and now just when I thought I'd finally found someone who I could _convince _that I was in love with Sasuke-kun––

It all comes tumbling down.

I stifle a sob.

"Why did you even _bother _then?" I mutter. "Why didn't you just leave me alone, if I disgusted you so much?"

"Because I felt sorry for you," he inclines his head towards me now, and his eyes are darker than normal. "I told you. It pains me to see such a sad, pathetic individual."

I cough, and a few tears slide down my cheeks. My fists unclench, and I bring them up to my face to quickly wipe away the moisture before he sees.

"I-I'm _sorry _then," I feel everything falling like a house of cards. "For c-compelling you to me––and for e-everything. I just thought you were…you were trying to…to _help_ me…"

The only one who ever bothered? That's what I regarded him as. Because when _Sai _started bothering, other people did aswell––

And now…

"Why would I try to _help _you?" he sneers. "Out of the goodness of my heart? Please. Everyone at school can see how weak you are."

I sniffle, burying my head in my hands. "Stop it. Stop saying that."

"Why should I, Ugly? Did you think the nickname was just for jokes––?"

"Get out," I whisper, staring down at the floorboards through the gaps in my hands.

"Sorry?"

I look up, and fix him with a glare. "_Get out,_" I enunciate clearly.

_I don't need to hear this. I don't __**want **__to hear this. _It's starting to hurt again, the words scorching me like fire.

He raises an eyebrow.

"GET OUT!" I scream, grabbing the nearest object to me (a textbook) and throwing it at him. He dodges, but to my satisfaction whirls around and leaves the room without another word.

Then I start to cry.

(Because, really, I deserve it.)

* * *

**26/7: I **_**KNEW **_**IT**

I knew the whole thing with Sasuke-kun was a bad idea. I _knew _it. I mean, I was just too blinded by the fact I had a hot guy wrapped around my finger and it seemed to be actually getting through Sasuke-kun's thick head for awhile and Sai was being really nice and everyone was treating Sasuke-kun and I like we _would _get together––

And it was nice. It was _really _nice. Up until Sasuke-kun's birthday party. And things went downhill from there, and––

Who does Sai _think he is? _Saying those things to me? Hurting me deliberately? He could've made up just about any other excuse and I would've been _fine! _But brutal honesty?

Who deserves that? Who deserves to be hurt so badly?

…do _I_? Am I really that pathetic for pining hopelessly after Sasuke-kun––?

And, oh gods, how could I be so _stupid? _Haruno Sakura, you should _know _that when things actually start going good in your life, you should question it. Nothing like that's ever real. Even if I didn't have Sasuke-kun, that was _always _a reality––Sasuke-kun and I don't have any realism as a couple, I _know _that…

Gods, I think I'm gonna go cry some more.

(WHO SAYS THIS IS _NOT _HOW YOU REACT WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN? I'LL _KILL THEM_.)

I hate my life.

I hate school.

I hate Sasuke-kun. (Not really.)

I hate _Sai_. (Yes really.)

I hate THIS DIARY.

BECAUSE IT CAUSES ME TO SPILL OUT MY SOUL.

You don't deserve love,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Plan B

Mission complete.

_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Huh?

What? What? How'd it go?? HEY, TELL ME!

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––are you getting Email Etiquette classes off the teme or something?

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Plan B

I really don't want to talk about it, Uzumaki.

But, for the sake of the Sasuke and Sakura, it went rather well.

_Too _well.

_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Eh…

UM, SCOREAGE!

SCOREAGE?

…Eheh, okay, no.

But as long as Sakura-chan's happy… well, if you explain it to her after––?

Yeah, sorry, man.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

I don't know exactly what I'm doing. All I know is that I barged out of the house awhile after Sai left, and now I'm standing at the gates to the Uchiha mansion, rain pouring down and pretty much soaking me to the bone.

Now, can I say it; _is it some kind of rule that it always has to be raining when someone's __**depressed? **_Is it, like, pathetic fallacy or something? Is some otherworldly poet laughing at me?

WELL, SCREW _YOU_.

I press the buzzer.

"_Who is it?" _comes the cool voice of Uchiha Fugaku.

(I kind of wonder, considering he has a butler and everything, why he bothers to answer this thing himself. It defeats the purpose of paid labour, doesn't it?)

"It's, um, me. Haruno Sakura. Sasuke-kun's––um, Sasuke's friend," I answer sheepishly, trying to make my voice sound steady. Well, I have kind of been crying for half an hour, and everything I say is breathless.

"_Sasuke said there was no visitors tonight," _Fugaku tells me in a voice very reminiscent of his son's. Cold and calculating. _"And he is busy with schoolwork."_

"Please," I plead, feeling my heart settle somewhere in the pit of my stomach. "Please, I really have to––to talk to him. It's important. I-it won't take long."

Fugaku pauses, apparently pleased with my answer, and then admits me. I stumble up the steps again, feeling more downhearted by the minute. _Why _am I here again? Oh yeah, because I'm masochistic. Because I apparently want my heart stomped on some more. Which is all Sasuke-kun's gonna do.

The door is still closed when I get to it, which is odd.

I knock dejectedly.

_C'mon, c'mon…_

Instead of a butler opening it, it's Sasuke-kun. When he sees it's me, he stares at me for awhile; looking unimpressed, but then raising an eyebrow despite himself.

"…you're here for tutoring?" he asks in slight disbelief.

One look at his (too pretty) face cracks up all the slightly healed wounds again. Does Sasuke-kun really think I'm pathetic and annoying, like Sai does? Can he really _not _stand me? I mean, he––

I burst into tears.

Sasuke-kun doesn't seem to know what to do at that, but I suppose it _is _pretty worrying for a girl soaked to the skin to suddenly appear on your doorstep and have a nervous breakdown. _I _would be scared.

Instead of telling me to get lost like I thought he might, Sasuke-kun pulled me roughly inside and shut the door.

"Sakura, what––"

I just leant forward and started sobbing into his chest, because it smelled all nice and foresty and comforting. I like how Sasuke-kun smells. It's so … pine fresh.

And while I was debating the possibilities of being able to die from a broken heart, Sasuke-kun put his arms around me.

The first time he's ever actually comforted me, I realise belatedly.

That makes me sob harder.

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Sakura-chan

Um, Ino, err… you might wanna go and check up on Sakura again.

Just that she might be kind of upset.

Because her and Sai kind of broke up. Or, well, ended their "negotiation". It's all part of the plan, I swear!

…but _Sakura _doesn't know that. Eheh.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: You're got to be effing _kidding _me

Naruto…

_Naruto._

Do you have a valid passport?

'Cause I suggest you get one. So you can get the hell out of the country before Sakura and I come for your blood.

SERIOUSLY.

* * *

"What happened?" Sasuke-kun asks eventually. He brought me up to his room––before you get _any _ideas, _I _was relegated to the sofa (yes, he has a _sofa _in his _room_!)––and he currently is standing a few metres away.

"S-Sai," I hiccupped.

Sasuke-kun frowns at me.

"He _broke _up with me!" I tell him indignantly. "He _broke up with me _and we weren't even really _dating!_" I stop immediately, and then cover up the last sentence with a sniffle-fit.

Sasuke-kun, fortunately, seems to be too fixated on the first point to notice my slip-up. "He broke up with you?" he deadpans.

I half-expect him to say 'I told you so'.

He just goes with: "Why?"

"B-because…" I try and fish for some sympathy votes here. "He said I was pathetic and annoying and––and––" tears bubble up again as I think about _why _he said those things.

"What?" Sasuke-kun's voice has gone dangerously cold.

"He said I was… he said that he just felt sorry for me, and that everyone thought I was pathetic––all my friends, and y-you, too…"

(No, I am _so _not doing this to get comfort from Sasuke-kun. Why would you think that?

Well, I have a right to _flaunt _my upset-ness, hello?)

I look up, and see Sasuke-kun's fists shaking dangerously. Oh-kay, this isn't a good sign.

"He _said _that?" Sasuke-kun spits.

"He did," I respond meekly.

"Then he's an idiot," he responds angrily. "I don't think that. Neither do Naruto or Ino. And he's a fucking asshole for hurting you like that."

My heart lifts a little at this; Sasuke-kun, for once in his life, sounds fiercely overprotective and kind of like how I always imagined a knight in shining armour would sound…

Still. Sai's comments hurt.

Fresh tears spill out over my cheeks as I relive the conversation over again.

Sasuke-kun notices.

"Don't even bother thinking about him," he growls.

"I-I wasn't," I sniff. "N-not quite."

(More so thinking about how everything he said made a kind of horrible _sense_.)

Sasuke-kun frowns, and then comes to sit down next to me on the couch. Of course, there's like a two metre gap between us, and he's looking away, but it's a _start_.

"Why'd you come to _me?_" he asks eventually. I guess he has a point. He doesn't win the Coolest Comforter award. (No, that goes to my bed linen.

Haha. I just made a pun. Do I have bad timing or what?)

"I was, um, in the neighbourhood," I attempt.

He gives me a look. ("Haruno Sakura, you live in an entirely different _suburb_. And you need to catch two buses to get here. Do you really think that I believe you?")

No. No, I don't.

"Uhm," I shrug. "You're just––you're important to me. As a person. And I saw Ino-pig before and no way would I go to _Naruto _for advice and you––I mean, you're not exactly the _nicest _person ever, but you––you––still mean a lot."

I breathed out. Geez, _that _was harder to say than I thought it would be.

Sasuke-kun doesn't turn to look at me. Instead he says lowly: "…but we're not friends."

I blink at him. "We're not?"

He turns to look at me now, and he looks the same as ever. Damn. "I thought you wouldn't want to be."

"Of course I do!" I say a little too quickly. "I mean, I've known you since we were six years old, right? That makes it––that makes it impossible to _not _be friends! And I know I've been acting a little weird lately… and I also know that randomly showing up at your house and crying all over you is _extremely _weird… but I do. Think of you as a friend, I mean. You're important."

And if _Naruto _can regard you as a friend after how you treat him, I can too.

"And," I add for good measure. "Things that have happened in the past few weeks with Sai? You shouldn't worry about _that_. It's––it's consequential. And stuff."

(Maybe I'll just go and bury my love in the backyard somewhere, and then cry the rest of it out. I've become very adept at crying.)

Sasuke-kun merely looks at me questioningly, as if trying to figure out exactly what's on my mind.

Oh, if _only _you knew.

If only.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: Sakura

Sai is going to _die_.

I'm going to _kill _that fucking bastard.

Do you _know _what he did to Sakura? The bastard.

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Sakura-chan

It's working!

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

**27/7: double blah**

You know what?

Life is _odd_.

It's also incredibly stupid, but at the moment, just odd.

I mean, out of all the reactions I imagined from Sasuke-kun, him _comforting _me and admitting that he didn't think I regarded him as a friend is the absolute _last _scenario I imagined. Well, he could've admitted his undying love for me and there could've been some totally sappy moment and we could've ridden off into the sunset to make pink-haired Uchiha babies.

But that's kinda stupid.

(Maybe Sai's right. Maybe I _am _obsessive…)

Ugh. I don't want to think about SAI. I want to think about SASUKE-KUN.

Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun, _Sasuke-kun_.

You know, he's actually not that bad once you chip away at the stupid iceblock that surrounds him. Personality-wise, I mean. He makes my head all fuzzy anyway, but I never really _noticed _how he wasn't really _that _much of an asshole.

Well, he is. To Naruto. Beside the point. It's easy to be an asshole to Naruto.

Sai can't be right about Sasuke-kun thinking I'm pathetic…

If how angry he got is any indication.

So that's good, right?

I don't _need _Sai anymore. He's redundant.

(And yet, I still am way more hurt by it than I should be…

I should get 'REJECTED' stamped on my overly-large forehead.)

Love from your full of blah-ish blahhing _blah_ master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––it's probably because I shared all my thoughts about Sasuke-kun with him, and then he stomped all over my dreams and fantasies…

Yeah.

Wait a minute…

HAY.

WHAT A _BASTARD_.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: HAHAHA

You were _so _jealous of Sai, admit it! The whole time he was dating Sakura. (Yeah, I heard from Ino about their break-up.)

And now they broke up, you're _pissed _because you looove her.

You want to maaarry her.

Protect her from the baaaad guys.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

I find it very disturbing you just quoted Miss Congeniality II.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: PHOOEY ON _YOU_, SHIZNAT

I find it equally disturbing you _knew _I quoted from Miss Congeniality II.

AND HA, YOU DIDN'T _DENY _IT THIS TIME.

You're finally accepting it, teme?

* * *

A/N: YAY. CHAPTER TEN OFFICIALLY _UP_. And hey, I had to end it on humour, guys. Seriously. And if you haven't seen Miss Congeniality I and II, GO WATCH IT NOW. It's so effing funny. Especially the lines that Naruto quote from. (Originally "You're my new paaartner, you have to liiike me, protect me from the baaad guys"). AND HAY, I HAVE 99 REVIEWS. Whoever gives me the hundredth review gets a prize. No, seriously. I'm being totally serious. A PRIZE YOU SHALL HAVE. All of you who reviewed last chapter though get a shower of virtual cookies and jelly.


	11. i wish it was always like the movies

**UchihaS:** Sakura.

**UchihaS: **Sakura.

**UchihaS: **…stop ignoring me.

**UchihaS: **_Sakura!_

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh! Sasuke-kun! Sorry. I was… um, engaged in other… activities. Yeah.

**UchihaS: **…

**The-Pretty-Princess: **So! Look at us. Having a conversation. Like two people on each other's contact lists are so prone to do every now and then…

**UchihaS: **What's up with you?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Me? Nothing! Why would anything be wrong? Aside from the fact that I have recently experienced the worst kind of sort-of-almost-heartbreak-not-really.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Sometimes I just shouldn't use words. Or type them. Possibly it's healthier for you to just ignore me.

**UchihaS: **...whatever, Sakura. If you're that upset, why don't you hang out with Ino or something?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **What a great suggestion. Maybe. After she stops being so psychotic about… uhh, everything. She seems to believe my innocence has been stolen.

**UchihaS: **Your…what?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I'm not entirely sure. I think maybe she's been possessed by Ghandi or something. Either way.

**UchihaS: **...it's probably because Sai hasn't been at school the past few days.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Really? I hadn't noticed.

**UchihaS: **When he does decide to come back…

**The-Pretty-Princess: **D'you think maybe whatever you're planning to do to him could include public humiliation and/or slander? That might just about cover it.

**UchihaS: **Sakura, I told you not to worry about him.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I'm not! This is me not worrying. I'm completely worry-free. Just… upset.

**UchihaS: **Don't be. He's worthless.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **You've mentioned that. Several times.

**UchihaS: **…maybe you should believe me, then.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I might… eventually. When sense stops evading me.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Anyway, I have to go, Sasuke-kun! Homework to do, you know. Even if it's Saturday. Not as if I have anything _else_ to do anymore… um, bye!

_The-Pretty-Princess has signed off._

**UchihaS: **Hmph. Annoying.

_The message could not be received as recipient is offline._

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: DIE

_UZUMAKI._

_ARE YOU DELIBERATELY IGNORING ME!?_

I swear, if you make me come over there––!

SPILL. WHERE'S SAI.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Ah!

Sakura-chan, help!

Your crazy friend is threatening me! I did nothing! I'm _innocent!_

It's not like I'm harbouring a _criminal_, or anything.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Ah?

What _are _you talking about? Naruto, you're not even _involved _in this!

…I think?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: …

EXACTLY. GET YOUR FRIEND OFF ME. (Proverbially, of course).

And, uh, yeah, forget about that second part.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Uzumaki Naruto

Ino-pig, what have I told you about neglecting your medicine?

Why are you pissed at _Naruto? _For once, Naruto is seemingly innocent.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Ha!

Oh, dear little Sakura, you are _so _blinded and naïve.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––HAY, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE EMAILED ME IN _DAYS_, FOREHEAD-GIRL. YOU **SUCK.**

* * *

**30/7: delighting in ignoring all other life forms**

SO.

Tactfully ignoring Sai (which hasn't been hard, considering he went randomly AWOL after _**THE INCIDENT**_) and also Sasuke-kun (due to embarrassment issues) _and _Ino-pig (because she's been annoyingly… _annoying_).

And possibly also Naruto. But I think that's just because he hangs out with Sasuke-kun and is therefore Off Limits. Maybe if I kinda try and pretend like Sasuke-kun doesn't exist, at least not to me, then he'll _forget _about my Momentary Lapse of Sanity.

Hello? _Embarrassing ahoy!_

So, update:

-over the past few days, have developed a cold due to getting soaked

-attended school Wednesday, but had to stay home Thursday and Friday

-avoided Sasuke-kun like the plague since that fateful Tuesday evening

-avoided Ino-pig like the plague since Wednesday afternoon

-remained un-contact-able by any other human being on the planet; excluding my mother (who hardly counts)

-until now, that is, due to Sasuke-kun's repetitive IMs

-_AND HAY, I CANNOT JUST IGNORE THE BOY I LOVE_

-no matter how embarrassed I am when I think about how he must view me now

-I think I am abusing the use of point form

SO THERE WE GO.

I would just like to point out that while Sai might be the One True Asshole and I _might _be debating murder strategies––how long would someone spend in jail for second degree murder (without) any incriminating evidence against them?––I really had no right to go and cry on Sasuke-kun's shoulder and _expect _to maintain my dignity while doing so.

Seriously. _Seriously. _I just abandoned all self-respect. And now Sasuke-kun must think I'm the most _idiotic _person on the planet––

(I hope not, I really hope not)

––and must just be _really _hoping that I'll go away and unclog his head-space, so he _won't _be bothered by my trivial problems anymore.

It kinda confuses me that he's bothered in the first place, and that he's been incessantly trying to contact me since then, too. It's probably out of a sense of duty, and also probably a huge blaring _**I TOLD YOU SO **_that I'm missing. 'Cause really, I can just _tell _he wants to say it.

He does. He so does.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. 'CAUSE I'M MAKING A _POINT _TO AVOID HIM. AND STUFF.

(Aside from the fact I just totally acted like a retard when he IMed me. Insignificant _details_, I say. Pfft.)

Ino-pig is banging on the door again. I should probably go and attempt to defuse the situation, or something heroic like that.

Love from your perpetually unstable master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO BEING A TEACHER'S PET AND A WALLFLOWER AND ALL THAT OTHER GENERIC NERDISH LABELLING.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder about Ino-pig's sanity.

(She suggests _ice-cream _as the Ultimate Healing Power. When I have a _cold _and am wearing a really thick hoodie and sniffling and have Kleenex permanently stuffed up my nose.)

"Remind me again why I ever listen to you," I grump as I am dragged along the esplanade by my _ever-so-caring _best friend.

"C'mon! As of yet, I know no one who has _not _experienced the magical healing properties of ice-cream," she replies steadily, keeping the grip on my arm firm.

"That's a double negative," I point out absently, tugging my hoodie to shield me better. Haruno Sakura is currently _not _a sight for humans to behold. She might possibly scar them for the rest of their lives.

(Something along the lines of: "Mummy! Mummy! Look! A pink-haired _monster!_")

"Sakura, could you please for one moment _try _to resemble a functional human being?" Ino groans, continuing to drag me towards our destined location.

"I _am _functional. I am so beyond functional it's not even funny," I grumble. "I'm a straight-A student who just so happens to be an epic failure at social skills and life in general. That does _not _mean I'm incompetent as a human being. In fact, if anything, it just proves how right I am for the––"

"Your mouth is open and words are coming out. This is never a good thing," Ino-pig interrupts, giving me a Look. ("If you managed to _not _be a failure at life for one second, then Sasuke and yourself _might _have gotten together an _age _ago.")

There is something to be said about ESP amongst friends.

We reach the ice-cream store, and Ino pushes me inside lightly. The interior's mildly lit, shadows criss-crossing over the pinkish-themed walls. Which clash _horribly _with my hair, all candy-coated and _gross_, who _was_ their interior designer? I pull my hoodie up over my hair, and glare at Ino-pig spitefully. _She _is responsible for my sudden bad moodiness, because she dragged me from my lair, and is now enforcing stupid alien logic on me.

(**INO-PIG'S ALIEN LOGIC: **_ice-cream makes all pain and hurt go away because it is pure awesomeness and should be treated like a Holy Relic._

_LIIIIES._

If it was that easy, I would just live in a freezer. With a constant source of ice-cream. And I'd be morbidly obese. And frozen. BUT WHAT DO YOU KNOW, I'M _NOT_.

SO THERE, EARTHLINGS.)

"What flavour do you want, Sakura?" Ino snaps me out of my reverie (more like psychotic ponderings) and stares at me pointedly.

"How about one scoop of _I really don't care _and another scoop of _you __**suck **_to top it off?" I inquire sweetly.

"This is for _your own good_. To get your mind off bad things, darling. And you need to _cooperate_. The weekend is not a place of Sasuke-thinking-time, and Sai is just to be completely forgotten. So **work with me here,**" she says in a dangerous voice. "Or else I might just accidentally-on-purpose step on your lovely sneakers with my oh-so-fabulous heels."

I freeze. "You _wouldn't._"

"Oh, forehead-girl, don't humour me. You know I would."

Aside from the fact my sneakers _**ARE THE MOST AWESOME UBER-ULTRA-SUPER-COMFY INVENTION EVAH, **_Ino-pig's heels are also practically illegal and would probably go all the way through my foot.

Um, yeah, _ouch_.

"Fine. I'll cooperate, but that means _next to nothing_. I refuse to conform. I _refuse_," I flail, backing away from her. "In the meantime, I'll have cookies and cream."

Ino loses all menace once I comply with her request, and steers me to a seat, before going and ordering, flirting shamelessly with the boy serving behind the counter. I sit at the pastel-coloured booth, staring down at my bitten fingernails and pen-marked hands. (When I run out of paper, I write notes unto my hand, okay? **No judging me shut up.**)

The marble countertop reflects my too-pale face and the slight strands of cherry-pink that escape from the hoodie's confines, and also my too-bright eyes, all yuck and green and _eccentric_. It's no wonder that every male in the freakin' universe can resist my 'wily charms'. I'm practically _hideous_. Maybe that monster theory wasn't so far off the mark.

UGH. SELF-DEGRADING, SELF-DEGRADING, _SELF-DEGRADING_.

But still. I make a valid point. I'm not exactly the world's prettiest girl; I'm not "cute" or "sexy" or "attractive" or "beautiful". Just "different". Before this whole Sai thing, I've _never _had a guy think I was pretty, or ask me out, or even look at me twice––unless it was to ask me the answer to something. Not even Sasuke-kun viewed me as something worth paying attention to before Sai came along.

(Plus, THE FOREHEAD, as Ino oh-so-kindly points out at every given opportunity.)

And _now_––Sai is _repulsed _by me, so what do I have left, really? A bestie who coerces me into eating ice-cream with her? _Naruto? _

My life is suck-worthy. Worthy of the Suckfest Award 2008.

Maybe I can go die and live in heaven and cackle at all those mere mortals who still feel pain and suffering and––

Or maybe not. Maybe I could evaluate my sanity and decide to come back into the realms of normalcy.

A cup of cookies and cream ice-cream is placed in front of me, accompanied by a neon-pink spoon. I glare at it hatefully. Ice-cream is the source of my distress at the moment; if I wasn't in such a squalid place, I doubt this much negativity would be festering in my mind.

To this I say: _**BLAH.**_

Ino frowns at my dull expression. "Seriously, Sakura, what's up with you?"

"Life," I reply dubiously. "Life. Living. _Men_."

"Oh," she says, sagely. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, yeah? So seriously! Stop moping and _do something_. Get revenge. Something. Just live it like a woman and continue wearing the pants! So what if Sai turned out to be an asshole––" something flickered in her eyes; something I didn't understand. "––there are _other fish in the sea. _Most prominently featured in your mind: sir Sasuke. Don't let him go till you're a hundred percent certain he's uninterested, girl!"

I stare at her, bewildered. Ino-pig is hardly ever _actually _passionate about things. It must be something in the ice-cream.

"Life is about happiness. Specifically, your own personal happiness. If you don't have it, you gotta work for it yourself," she nods wisely. "You can't just sit around and depress yourself and hope that someone'll make it better for you. 'Cause no offence, but you've been doing that a lot lately. This time, it's _your _turn."

I continue to stare.

"What's more––" Ino continues on her rant. "Life is about taking risks in order to get stronger, to change, and to _mature_. If you just laze around and be negative then nothing'll ever happen and don't panic but Sai just walked in."

I had kind of mostly tuned out by this point (Ino-pig has enough passion and enthusiasm about life to pass as a motivational speaker––it really doesn't seem like it's in her nature, does it?) but the magic word 'Sai' brought me back to reality with a painful crunch. Actually, that was just me clenching my fists and having my slight nails break against my palm.

"_What?" _I hiss. My back is facing the exit, and the hoodie's covering my hair, so hopefully––

Ino-pig seems to be on the same train of thought as I am.

"Billboard brow! Quick, look manly!" she commands.

"I––_**what?**_" I respond, giving her one of my own patented Looks. ("I think you have _finally_ gone insane, girlfriend. Seriously. I just _knew _it would happen eventually.")

"So it looks like I'm on a _date_, duh!" she shakes her head. "You _want _to talk to him right now?"

"Why would he want to talk to _me? _He broke up with me, remember?"

"JUST DO IT," she orders none-too-nicely.

I sat up straighter in a more 'manly' position, hiding my womanish hands underneath the table and moving my slightly-melting ice-cream away from me. Hunching my shoulders and trying to take up more space, I look down at the table, hoping that he won't recognise me.

OH THIS IS MORE THAN A _LITTLE _RIDICULOUS. This is the absolute _last _time I _ever _trust _anything _someone else says. Ever.

Never. Again.

"He's at the counter, ordering ice-cream," Ino-pig reports in a conspiratorial whisper. "He hasn't looked this way yet, but once he recognises me, he'll probably come over this way… so just get up and go over to the bathrooms, _now!_ If you walk past before he realises you've gotten up from _my _table, you should be fine."

…okay, maybe I should trust her plan just this once––but _then _I will enforce my no-trusting policy.

"Have I mentioned lately that I hate you passionately and with every fibre of my being?" I hiss at her, before complying with her request and getting up from the table. This is why I've been avoiding her. Something bad _always _happens, without fail, when I hang out with her.

Unfortunately, this seething hatred is at the forefront of my mind and I fail to notice the little kid balancing the ice-cream cone in front of me. When I finally look up and notice him, it's too late to avoid the Leaning Tower of Ice-cream and get out unscathed. I dart to the side and bump straight into Sai himself, which causes the hood to fall down.

(IT'S, LIKE, _MIME _OR SOMETHING. **NO ONE DESERVES MIME. OR SLAPSTICK COMEDY.**)

Sai blinks a couple of times before registering it's me. "_Sakura?_"

Words escape me. "Uhh…"

_Run, damnit, __**RUN.**_

"I … have to… go … somewhere that's away!" it takes me a grand total of two seconds to run out the door and start sprinting back towards my house, pink hair flying everywhere.

It takes me three seconds to realise that Sai's following me.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: A bad time of badness

YOU. GET YOUR ASS OVER TO SAKURA'S HOUSE. _NOW_.

I think she's about to be harassed by Sai. Enough said? Yeah. _Go! Kill!_

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Sakura

You better have those passports we talked about organised, Uzumaki.

LIKE REALLY. This was all _part of the plan, _I'm guessing? Sakura does not _need _to see Sai right about now! BAKA.

* * *

I realise too late that I don't actually have my keys on me.

(I AM JUST SUCH A FAILURE.)

Sai doesn't stop following as I reach my doorstep. I whirl around and glare at him as meanly as I can.

"You! _You!_" I point a finger at him accusingly. "Stop being such a freakin' _stalker! _I have no words to say that possibly convey my FURY, but I _swear_––"

"Sakura," Sai stops me with his perfect, flawless voice and his prettily sexy face. "I'm not really supposed to be doing this, but hear me out––"

"NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING _WHAT?_" I narrow my eyes. "FEELING GUILTY AFTER TOTALLY HUMILIATING ME? OH YEAH? WELL, GO **DIE!**"

I do _not _respond well to things I don't fully understand.

"Would you just listen to me?" he asks.

"NO!"

"Sakura, I––"

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. I PERSONALLY THINK YOU SHOULD GO FALL DOWN A CONVENIENTLY PLACED HOLE."

"Why do you think I'm trying to talk to you?" he inquires flatly. "It's because I have something important to tell you!"

I practically breathe fire. "What? The things you've said thus far weren't _important enough?_"

"If you'll let me actually _speak _then––"

"You have no right to speak! You have no right to exist!"

I turn away from him and cross my arms over my chest indignantly, trying to remember where I put the spare key. My mind has gone into a sorta haywire overdrive so my normal thought processes haven't caught up yet.

Instead of hearing Sai trying to convince me that he has something very important to say and it would greatly benefit me to hear it, I hear a slight yelp, a growl and then a large _crack_. I spin back around, only to see Sasuke-kun holding Sai in a headlock.

I stare. For awhile.

"Get the _hell _away from her!" Sasuke-kun snarls at Sai, dragging him as far away from me as possible.

"What the **fuck?**" Sai manages to break loose of his hold, and dodges the punches that Sasuke-kun aims his way. "Seriously, you're insane!"

This seems to anger Sasuke-kun even more. He punches Sai in the face again, pushing him backwards into the fence. "Just don't even _think _about going near her again!"

I watch, transfixed, at the fight that's going on before my eyes.

THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT _ME_. SERIOUSLY. THEY ARE TOTALLY DRAWING BLOOD BECAUSE OF _ME_.

(Am I enjoying this more than I should be?)

"You ever wonder––" Sai dodges another punch. "––why Sakura, who has never been openly interested in a guy before, randomly asked me out? Why she proceeded to––"

He's getting into _dangerous _territory here. I freeze. Sasuke-kun stops his onslaught and stares, narrowing his eyes. "What?"

I decide to intervene. "Sasuke-kun!"

This distracts him. He immediately looks over at me.

"Uhh…" I bite my lip. "Just––just lay off, okay? I mean, you've already bloodied him up pretty bad…"

It's true. Sai has a big bruise blossoming on his left eye, blood streaming steadily from his nose, and a small graze across his lip. Sasuke-kun, on the other hand, is mostly untouched but is breathing heavily and his knuckles are bleeding lightly.

Sasuke-kun's gaze is on me.

"Um…" I shift uncomfortably. "Just…please…don't hurt him anymore, okay? I-I…it's probably all my fault anyway, for being so stupid––" tears start welling up in my eyes without my permission. "I was stupid and––"

Sai has a strange expression, almost…regretful? "Sakura…"

"I… have to go," finally remembering the key is in the potted plant about half a metre away from my right hand, I grab in and get inside as quickly as possible.

As soon as I close the door behind myself, I find that my knees really can't support the rest of my body anymore.

* * *

**31/7: sort of kind of screwed**

OKAY. I HAVE ONE WORD FOR THE WORLD:

**CONVENTS.**

Don't you think a convent would solve _all _my problems?

Yeah. I sorta think it would.

HELLO. Sai breaks my heart, Sasuke-kun embarrasses me. I kinda wish neither of them would attempt to contact me ever again…

Becoming a nun would be a way of guaranteeing they'd leave me alone.

SEE? **PERFECT.**

Except for one small, tiny, _insignificant _detail…

I'm in love with Sasuke-kun.

BUT WHAT. REALLY. _TRIVIAL, RIGHT?_

…okay, yeah, shut up.

Completely and utterly a fool,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––d'you think nuns have to wear those robe-y thingies _all _the time?

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

Sakura, are you all right?

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: (none)

Sakura, I'm sorry about what happened. Just let me explain it to you.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

Sakura, stop ignoring me.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: (none)

Sakura, seriously! This isn't going to solve anything.

* * *

…it continued like this for quite awhile.

My life sucks.

* * *

**Ino-Babe: **Sakura! Sasuke has been emailing me _nonstop_. So has Sai. And Naruto is asking why Sasuke isn't replying to any of _his _emails. _What _is going on?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh, you know. Just an _average _day, really.

**Ino-Babe: **COME ON. SPILL.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **There was a _boy fight. _In front of my _house. _Because of _me._

**Ino-Babe: **Oooh, score! Who won?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I kind of had a nervous breakdown before either of them could win.

**Ino-Babe: **OHMYGOSH YOU DID _NOT _INTERRUPT THE HOT BOY FIGHT. I mean, how often do you get to see _Sasuke _and _Sai_––the two hottest guys _I _know––fighting over you? UM, NEVER. I SHUN YOU.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **They weren't fighting _over _me, they were just fighting _because _of me… and they've been sending me emails nonstop, too.

**Ino-Babe: **WELL THEN GO TALK TO ONE OF THEM.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I _am so not talking to Sai_, and you know this, and how am I supposed to talk to Sasuke-kun _now_? He probably thinks I'm a freak.

**Ino-Babe: **Believe me, he's not the only one.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **…shut up.

**Ino-Babe: **HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU THAT SASUKE IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!? Idiot child.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **You! Quiet. You're the one who wanted me to eat ice-cream while I'm suffering from a _cold_. I've probably got pneumonia and therefore cannot be blamed for any of my actions.

**Ino-Babe: **You didn't even eat the ice-cream. You wasted a whole three bucks.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **INSIGNIFICANT DETAILS.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I am _so _not in the mood to continue this conversation.

_The-Pretty-Princess has signed off._

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: I feel unloved…

I AM SO OUT OF THE LOOP HERE. What's going on, teme?

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––hey, is Sakura-chan, like, dead or something? She hasn't responded to any of my emails.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

She hasn't responded to any of mine, either.

Ugh. She's so _annoying_.

* * *

**31/7: hmm…**

You know, Sasuke-kun has already interrogated me about the whole why-am-I-dating-Sai thing… and I ran away, and I didn't confront him properly about it. AND NOW HIS CURIOUSITY HAS PROBABLY OPENED UP AGAIN. Sure, he comforted me… but the situation is _not _good.

AS SOON AS I AGREE TO TALK TO HIM, IT WILL BE THE INTERROGATION OF THE CENTURY.

This is not a good thing.

I'm practically doomed.

How very poetic.

Love from your doomed master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––PLUS, I'M BEING SPAMMED BY NARUTO, INO, SASUKE AND SAI CONSISTENTLY. When do these people give you a _break? _Geez! I have _thirty emails…_

And I have school tomorrow. I can't escape them there. Hooray.

* * *

**SAKURA'S AWESOME PLAN**

Haruno Sakura shall GAIN WOLRD DOMINATION AND SUPERPOWERS and then Haruno Sakura will be able to ensure people leave her alone.

(Somehow I don't think this is gonna be achievable by tomorrow…)

Alternately:

Haruno Sakura shall pretend that her cold is really a lot more severe than it actually is so she has an extra day to devote to planning.

Or:

Haruno Sakura will just _grin and bear it_.

(NONE OF THESE PLANS SOUND EVEN REMOTELY COOL.)

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Apologies

Sorry I haven't responded to your other emails. I've just… uhh, been busy, so I haven't had time.

I'll talk to you properly tomorrow at school, sometime.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

…I've just sealed my own fate.

**CHA.**

A/N: Yay! Chapter 11 up _finally. _This cuts off here because I decided to divide what happens next into two chapters, SO THERE YOU GO. Chapters 12 and 13 should be up soon, because I actually have some time on my hands for once and can therefore update more frequently. And stuff. SO BE SCARED, BE VERY SCARED. This chapter was also depressing... and the reason Sakura has so many mood swings is because she is an _emotional teenage girl. _OKAY? Yeah. That's _my _logic. Besides, she hasn't patched up things with Sasuke yet, so that's bound to make her a little edgy, 'specially with what's happening with Sai. OH YEAH, AND THE BOY FIGHT SCENE WAS INSPIRED BY _BRIDGET JONES' DIARY. _Of course, Sasuke and Sai are both way hotter than Hugh Grant and Colin Firth.

* * *


	12. to recieve an A in haruno sakura 101

"Do you see them yet?" I hiss in my blonde friend's ear.

She rolls her eyes. "_No, _Sakura. For the fiftieth time, Sasuke is _not _at his locker."

"There might be books that he needs! And yet, he still doesn't come."

"I thought you were avoiding him."

"I am!" I push the hair out of my eyes irritably. "But I have to know where he is first, so I can make sure that's where I'm not."

Ino puts her hands on her hips, obviously displeased. "Haruno Sakura, you are the most––"

"––pathetic individual you've ever met," I intone monotonously. "You said that already. Several times."

"You have just about every class with Sasuke. How are you gonna ignore him _there?_"

"I'm…I'm just ignoring him until further notice," I protest. "Or at least until I pluck up the courage to talk. 'Cause right now I _might _be able to make a few vowel sounds, and I might be able to stutter my way through a sentence or two, but I need to bend it into a workable shape, pig!"

Ino just gives me a look. ("Um, whatever. I am just convinced you're _beyond all forms of help I can give._")

"You don't have to be so _harsh,_" I glower.

She just glances around the corner again, and then raises an eyebrow. "There's your boy toy, at one o'clock."

I see a flash of ebony hair and Naruto hovering around near Sasuke's locker, and stifle a scream, pressing myself against the wall.

"What do I do? He's there! Look! He's _right over there and what happens if_––"

"For someone who doesn't believe he cares about you, you sure are doing a good job of being properly freaked," Ino notes.

I shoot her a glare. "Because he's _intimidating_, Ino-pig. And 'cause I showed up at his house and cried all over him, when we were not really on good terms, and then I couldn't even say a word to him when he came and stopped Sai from harassing me! I am the most horrible person to ever walk the planet."

Ino just lets out a noisy sigh. "Sakura––"

"No!" I hold up a hand to stop her. "I don't need to be comforted, or convinced of _anything. _'Cause I know the truth. And he––oh my gosh he's coming this way."

Courage positively escaped me, and I quickly ran for the girl's bathrooms.

* * *

**1/8: of may days and **_**wtf are teachers smoking**_

Seriously. I wonder if Kakashi-sensei or Asuma-sensei even notice my absentness during their classes. Because there is never any mention of _'where is Sakura' _or '_is she at school today' _or whatever. Just indifference and––

Okay, so I'm stalling. You know you love me for it. Even if you're inanimate and cannot emote.

Ugh.

Ugh.

_Ugh._

I am generally not a timid person. Okay, scratch that, I mostly have the _appearance _of somebody who is able to actually hold a civil conversation with those of the male persuasion, especially those of the male _hot _persuasion. I mean, look at Sai and I; _we _had many insightful conversations. (Before the bastard broke my heart and left nobody to pick up the pieces and I hope he is impaled by a _tine_––

I promised not to think about that anymore. Gah.)

I think I'll have to relocate after Economics, though. Hiding out in the bathroom all day kind of defeats the purpose of even _coming _to school, excluding the small fact that my mother would be very annoyed if I faked sick again.

But no. I'm not _scared. _I'm just… logical. Right.

Logically speaking, Sasuke-kun does not need to be approached. Ever. Because if nothing ever happens between him and I ever again, it won't ever get better or worse. And it's not as if anything _good _can happen, so really…

I think I just depressed myself.

Love from your _ohmygoshshe'ssoweird_ master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––I'm relatively sure that a tineis the pointy bit on a fork.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Sakura-chaaan

**HEY!**

You have some explaining to do, young lady. I saw you walking into school this morning with Ino, and then you miraculously disappeared in homeroom and Economics. And _now _you're still so elsewhere in IT. Sasuke is getting all twitchy and annoying. And he keeps snapping at me. And glancing at the door. And breaking the lead on his pencil because he's pressing down on it too hard.

I think you've finally broken the man, Sakura-chan.

(Hey, that rhymed!)

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Breathe a word of this to Sasuke-kun

**AND YOU DIE. **Clear?

I'm just deciding, for the benefit of my own health and sanity, to skip IT and possibly the rest of my classes. Well, I'm in the library right now, pretending I've got study period with Ino-pig, okay?

I just _don't want to talk to him right now, okay?_

Understandable, right?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I thought he hated me. No, wait, I _know _he hates me.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Bah

You are _waaay _in denial, Sakura-chan.

You know, if Sai and I hadn't planned that whole thing at Sasuke's birthday party, things would've been fine. But then it all backfired and Sai had to break up with you! See, so technically, it's no one's fault but Sasuke's and yours. So get together already!

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: (none)

…_**WHAT??**_

* * *

To: inobabexoxo; artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: (none)

**OHSHITI'MGONNADIEHELPME.**

**How can I screw things up in an EMAIL?**

**(Did you happen to get those passports prepared, Sai?)**

* * *

I swear time froze for a second. Or maybe two. Or possibly, like, half an hour.

I turn in my seat and see Ino staring with a perplexed expression at her computer screen, then look up and give me her customary friendly smile. I narrow my eyes.

"Sai breaking up with me was _planned?_" I hiss at her.

The smile is wiped clean off her face.

Ino's expression: **Naruto is such a stupid idiotic **_**loudmouth **_**of a person it's no wonder everybody thinks he's stupid oh no what am I going to say oh shit––**

"And you _knew?_" I continue, my voice barely audible on account of the fact I'm most probably going into shock.

"Sakura––" her voice is too guilty for it to be anything else other than that.

"OH MY GOSH," I screech, ignoring the hasty shushing and evil glares the librarians are sending my way. "I CANNOT **BELIEVE **YOU."

"Calm down––"

"CALM DOWN? _HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO? _I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE BEEN **BETRAYED**, BY MY BEST FRIEND AND _NARUTO, _OF ALL PEOPLE! NARUTO! WHO THE HELL GETS BETRAYED BY _NARUTO?_ I MEAN––"

It's at this point that Ino clamps her hand over my mouth, in an attempt to dissuade the librarians from assigning me with detention for a month.

"You have a severe problem with _listening, _know that?" she tells me tiredly, as I bite her hand in an attempt to get her off. She obliges, and then fixes me with a glare. "Haruno Sakura, you are _obsessive_."

We're back to this again? "I'm not the one who planned to break my best friend's heart by getting her pseudo-boyfriend to **break up with her **under some crazy misguided _psychotic _delusion of getting the King of Walls to confess his apparent undying love for me. Am I the only sane person left among us? It is so very obvious Sasuke-kun lacks hormones and feelings and even if he _did _have them, would never have them for _me_––I have _allowed _you people to convince me of delusional things for long enough, and I am firm in the decision that––"

"You're babbling," Ino points out.

"I AM DISTRESSED," I reply eloquently.

"I didn't know," Ino offers next.

That sends me backtracking for a second or two. "Huh?"

"I didn't know," she repeats. Ino-pig has this inherent quality of unerring honesty that permeates her being; she's the easiest person to read in the whole universe, and so you always know when she's lying. And she's not right now. "I didn't know till after it happened. And I got angry already, okay? Naruto may be a pathetic idiot who is deserving of your wrath, but he _did _make a good point in his plan, which is why I didn't tell you."

"Good point?" I was positively dumbfounded.

She glares again; or as she would call it '_stares prettily and intensely with underlying qualities of annoyance and/or meanness_'.

"What?" I ask defensively, folding my arms over my chest and frowning at a point just above her right shoulder.

"You're in love with Uchiha Sasuke," she tells me smartly. "You have been for years. You pretend that you think he hates you, that he can't stand you, and that nothing will ever happen between the two of you. And maybe you really truly thought it. On the outside you flail and obsess, like a _fangirl_––" I flinch and stare at the spot more determinedly.

Ino smiles slightly. "––and you dream up these fantasies that you think will never actually happen. And then you met Sai, and all the defences you built were redundant, 'cause it actually looked like Sasuke cared about you, too. And you, being Haruno Sakura and therefore prone to stupidity, had no idea what to do about it. Which set off chain events and hard times for both you and Sasuke, and then put the notion in Naruto's head that there needed to be some sort of divine intervention, and he needed to be the one to instigate it."

I refuse to meet her eyes.

"Which is why you can't really blame us for anything that happened," Ino shrugs. "You made your fair share of bad decisions, too, and you brought Sasuke along for the ride. And you were _terrified _to think that he maybe had feelings for you, considering you've convinced yourself he doesn't care for so long, so the thought of admitting you loved him never occurred to you. So you went out of your way to ensure that never happened."

My cheeks are starting to flush.

"What's more, you let yourself be controlled by your emotions the _entire time, _which is what also lead Naruto and Sai to be compelled to your cause," Ino's talking like some sort of missionary now. It's slightly scary. "So now you've burnt your bridges and antagonised Sasuke perhaps a little more than was ever necessary, you should just go and freakin' tell him already."

My face is now fully inflamed with the knowledge and weight of everything I've done. My shoulders slump and I bury my head in my hands.

"You're right," I mumble, slightly delirious. "You're right you're right _you're right. _I'm a horrible person, I'm a _bitch, _and I'm a life-ruiner, a _home-wrecker_––"

"Sakura," Ino warns.

"Sorry," I look up. "Since when did you get so good at psychoanalysis anyway?"

"I've only been taking Sakura 101 for, like, nine years," Ino shakes her head. "I know you'd do the same for me, forehead-girl. Except with probably a lot more rambling and a lot less sense."

"Shut up," I grouch. Then feel my heart start to sink and settle somewhere in the depths of my stomach. "Oh _gods, _Ino-pig, I can't just tell him _now! _Not after everything that's happened and all the things I've done…"

"You're no soldier, but you've got soul," my blonde friend soothes.

"I've made that reference before," I counter glumly. "And just _no_."

"Tell him. Tell him how you feel. And you'll feel a lot better. Believe me. Even in the unlikely event that you're rejected––" I stiffen slightly. "––everything will be out in the open and you won't have to continue this little charade thingy."

I dwell on the possibility for awhile, before nodding slowly. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Hey, no guesses allowed! You wear the pants, Sakura."

"Right," I agree reluctantly. "Pants. I'll need pants for when I move to Greenland and go to live with the Eskimos. Are there Eskimos in Greenland? I hope so."

Ino pouts. "I'm not letting you move to Greenland, forehead-girl."

"My contingency plan was England," I offer.

"No! You are going to tell Uchiha Sasuke of your feelings _right now_," Ino checks her watch. "Or, uh, maybe at lunch."

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: (none)

What happened? You didn't tell Ugly about our plan b, did you? Because if you did, I suggest _you _run far away. Because I was planning to do that before Uchiha decided I would look better with a hideous bruise on my face.

-_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: YOU

TRAITOR!

WHY MUST I STAND ALONE AGAINST THE WRATH OF SAKURA? I FEAR HER!

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Hmm

Yep, Sakura's geared up and ready to kill solely you, Naruto.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: AGH

WHY MEEE? All I ever did was help!

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

**1/8: no, i am **_**not **_**stalling**

I am _not _in the bathroom because the lunch bell is five minutes away, no. I happen to be in the bathroom completely voluntarily, and because I am reapplying my lip-gloss, which became sorely lacking after my semi-shouting match with Ino in the library.

And I was also planning my eventual confrontation with Sasuke-kun.

Which _will _happen.

Eventually.

And as not-dramatically as possible.

So I figure: if I just march up to him and, without preamble, _tell him_––while he is momentarily stunned (which he'd have to be, because hell, no one could escape hearing that news unscathed) I can run. Back to the safety of the bathroom. And then never talk to him ever again.

See? Perfect!

In the loosest sense of the word, anyway.

Although first things first, there is the slight matter of needing to attend to burnt bridges … starting with Sai. They say that to remove the venom from the snake bite, you need to suck it out. And while that sounds incredibly gross and I really hope I'm never stranded in the wilderness after having been bitten by a snake, I will _metaphorically _do so.

Everything has a ripple effect, right? This has affected Naruto, Ino, Sai _and _Sasuke-kun. Ino-pig is sorted, Naruto is going to be in severe pain when I get around to him, and my two favourite boys must now be dealt with.

Ahahahaha.

No, I am _not scared._

Of Sai, anyway.

Love from your **finally in power **master,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––_THE LUNCH BELL JUST RANG. HALP._

* * *

**SAKURA'S TO-DO LIST**

One: **grow a spine**

Two: grow mobile functions

Three: learn to communicate in coherent English

Four: leave the bathroom

Five: solve issues with Sai

Six: find Sasuke-kun

Seven: grow another spine

Eight: solve issues with Sasuke-kun (includes _maybe perhaps possibly _telling him about my whole jealousy plan with Sai––_MAYBE_)

Nine: think over the absurdity of this whole thing and laugh and feel better

Ten: uh, grow a spine?

OKAY, OKAY, I AM **GOING **ALREADY.

(Add to that list '_get yourself horrendously drunk_' as an optional number eleven. Seriously.)

* * *

Finding Sai wasn't difficult, but I knew it wouldn't be. He wanted to be found, because he wanted to talk to me––and I already know where Sai disappears to during lunchtime. The art room. The art room that nobody but him ever enters at lunchtime, which equals an _abandoned art room which is the opportune location for a heartfelt dramatic apologising scene._

I have the formula of soap operas down, don't I?

He looks up from behind one of the easels, and smiles slightly. I like Sai's smile; it's always reminded me of how I wished Sasuke-kun would smile, and I realise right now that Sai is everything I always wished Sasuke-kun would be. Down to the very last detail; the fairytale prince I had constructed in my mind had been _Sai._

And had I come to this conclusion a few weeks earlier, maybe I would have dismissed the whole Sasuke-kun interlude as a hopeless one-sided romantic crush, and pursued Sai instead. Maybe it could've been simple, and easy, and everything would've been fine and happy endings would've ensued. Maybe.

But no. I can't pretend that my feelings for Sasuke-kun were always based on fairytales and fantasies––I can't even figure out _why _I feel the way I do towards Sasuke-kun, because he was hardly ever nice to me. At least outwardly. But somehow I could always read him better than anyone else; somehow I could always see through that cold exterior to somebody who actually _did _care, with an alarming degree of ferociousness, about his friends. About Naruto. About _me. _Maybe not romantically, but he did always care, and I always knew it, somewhere deep down.

And he was always the person I would turn to if I needed comfort, always the person I would look towards for advice, always the person I would value the opinions of, no matter how insulting they were towards me. And my history with Sasuke-kun perhaps isn't perfect, but he is in some way my best friend, and I have been through _way _too much with him to let fantasies destroy that now.

And I flirted with the idea of that for awhile, the thrill of fantasies and fairytales––but I have to be mature now. I _love _Sasuke-kun.

…I've been standing there gawking at Sai for a few minutes now, and he snaps me out of my thoughts: "What's up, Ugly?"

The reinstated nickname makes me smile a little; something which feels horribly foreign to me. "Just dropping by," I say at an attempt at nonchalance, but I kinda feel like Sai can see right through that. Which he probably can, considering my reputation of being a terrible liar. (Although I manage to fool _myself_. Blargle.)

Sai leans back in his seat, and fixes me with a questioning look. "Did you want to talk to me about something?" he asks, dropping the pretence.

I trace circles on the ground with my foot absent-mindedly. "Actually, I sorta did."

"I'm all-ears."

I notice the bruise curving around his left eye and wince in empathy. I really wish I had intervened sooner with that whole boy-fight thing––it was practically a dream come true that two incredibly hot men had been _fighting _over me; so much in fact that I had been incredibly selfish and voyeuristic.

"Firstly, sorry about that," I indicate the bruise. "I know it wasn't _exactly _my fault, but I shouldn't have been so… _unreasonable. _A sensible person would listen," I nod slightly. "Uh, I'm not one for sense, you know that. So sorry."

"I never blamed you," was Sai's curt and slightly cryptic response. He looks mildly interested now, but not anything beyond casual.

"I… know why you did what you did," I say next. "Um. I found out from Naruto. Accidentally, I mean. And I'm kinda glad––however much I'm harbouring irrational fury towards the idiot right now." Sai laughs at this, and it propels me forward. "I, um, just wanted you to know that––um, I forgive you. No, wait, that sounds stupid. You didn't really apologise, did you? I was over-assuming. But no, if you _do _feel apologetic … then I forgive you."

Sai relaxes at this one; I belatedly realise his shoulders had been tense. "I'm glad for that," he says sincerely, and it's the first time he's ever truly conveyed emotion in anything he's said before.

I walk over to him now, and give him a smile that's a little more real. "I'm really, _really _sorry I dragged you into this, and made you stick with it for so long. I can't ever express how sorry I am––how confusing it must've been, and how sick and twisted and horrible the entire idea was. Well, okay, I'm being melodramatic again… but I should know better than to manipulate people's feelings like that. And I know you agreed, and a lot of it _was _your idea, but… I can't forgive myself for letting it continue even after I realised how wrong it was, and how much it was hurting people I cared about… and––"

"Ugly, you're babbling," Sai echoes Ino's words, and I realise that my policy of forthrightness and _just getting my point across _hasn't exactly worked. I flush.

"Um, oops…"

"And I agree with you. Kind of melodramatic."

A semi-laugh escapes my throat. "I'll hafta keep that in mind. It's been pointed out to me that trying to word my emotions all the time is insane."

"It's one of the things I like about you," Sai admits slowly, standing up beside me. I feel dwarfed by him; considering everybody I know is taller than I am, it's not that big a deal, but it makes me feel slightly better that he doesn't care about anything I put him through.

"I was hoping we could still be friends," I lean up and plant a chaste kiss on his lips––I'm not such an expert with kisses, but I was going for a 'moving on and ending everything' sort of kiss. Sai seemed to at least get this much, because he pulled away after a few seconds and gave me a grim sort of look.

"Not if you do that all the time," he says lightly.

I giggle. "I agree with you on that. It might be a little awkward," I bite my lip hesitantly. "I have to face the horror that is Uchiha Sasuke now, so wish me luck with that. See, I'm operating on the whole 'righting my wrongs' deal at the moment, and Sasuke-kun's next on my to-do list––not that I'm going to _do _him, but I…" I blush a spectacular shade of red, which causes Sai to smirk infuriatingly at me.

"I don't think the principal would appreciate it if you two got it going on behind the bleachers or something like that."

"Because Sasuke-kun would _so _do that," I roll my eyes.

"You never know. He looks shifty."

The conversation has fallen back into the realms of pleasantly light-hearted now, and I feel a huge weight evict itself from my chest. "So you're not mad?" I ask hopefully.

"I have no idea why you even thought I was in the first place," Sai shrugs. "I was surprised you started apologising to me about it all. I thought I made it clear in the first place that I never minded––" he seemed to be debating whether to add something to this, but then thought against it. "––and that it was all to help you with Uchiha. I might not be the most selfless individual on the planet, but I wanted to do what I could."

"Why is that?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Emotions confuse me," he admits. "They always have. I've never really understood how somebody could feel so strongly for someone else; why they would do all those things for them. Now I think you've made me understand it better."

"Because of my hopeless fangirling over Sasuke-kun?" my lip curls in distaste. I swear if people keep implying I'm an obsessive air-headed bimbo, I will go punch something. Preferably Naruto's face.

"Not just that," he's being cryptic again, but I don't see why I should question him about it. I _am_ working on a schedule here. He seems to notice. "You should go talk to your Uchiha now. He's been on edge all day."

"Mhm," I start to walk back over to the exit, then a thought strikes me. "Hey, can I ask you something first?"

"Go ahead," Sai has turned back to his easel now, and it occurs to me I didn't get the chance to see what he was painting. Oh well. I've heard artists hate to show people unfinished projects.

"Why do you call me Ugly?"

He looks up, and there is an unreadable expression on his face. "I've heard women like it more when you say the opposite of what you think," he says reverently, as though he's memorised this from somewhere.

A bubbling and kinda hysterical laugh emerges from deep within my stomach, spilling out over the edges. Sai quirks an eyebrow.

"I-I think Sakura is just fine," I nod, between giggles.

"Cherry blossom it is," Sai agrees.

Somehow I know that things are all right between us after this comment is made.

"I'll see you around, Sakura," Sai calls after me as I leave the room.

* * *

Unfortunately, that still leaves me with one major obstacle.

My 'sole reason for living': **Uchiha Sasuke.**

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Hey

Is Sakura-chan gonna be coming and talking some sense into the teme anytime soon, you think? Because he's beginning to get on my nerves and I'm debating throwing my bowl of ramen at his head.

When I start thinking about things that endanger ramen, I know it's getting serious.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: (none)

She was _supposed _to be going to see Sasuke. I swear if she chickens out I will have her head on a silver platter.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Hmm

Sakura just came to see me. All is forgiven. She's after the Uchiha next.

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: RED ALERT

GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE LIBRARY, TEME. SAKURA-CHAN'S LOOKING FOR YOU.

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: WTF?

I was just printing out my assignment in the computer lab, when I saw Sasuke practically zoom past the door. Um, Naruto, _what the hell?_

Men are so childish.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

**1/8: skldsjsafd**

SHUT UP I HAVE A WEAK BLADDER AND MUST CONSTANTLY GO TO THE BATHROOM. OKAY?

Or maybe I just have a weak spine … maybe I can buy a better one on eBay.

ARGH. THIS IS NO TIME TO LAMELY JOKE, HARUNO SAKURA.

**Plan: Resolve Things With Sasuke-kun **is looking to be made of epic fail already.

I wish you could _borrow _confidence.

Okay. Deep breaths. I'm going now, out into the wilderness to brave the king of the jungle. That's right. Uchiha Sasuke, the lion, and Haruno Sakura, the prey––

…can't I just be lioness? Meep.

FINE, I'M GOING.

* * *

Finding Sasuke-kun is slightly harder than finding Sai. In all our years of pseudo-friendship, I have never once realised I have no idea where he usually goes at lunchtime. When we were younger, he would determinedly sit next to me and steal my food, but _now? _

His usual and obvious haunts are all vacated.

DOES THIS MEAN I DON'T HAVE TO CONFRONT HIM?

Um, yay?

I turn down the next corridor, feeling my heart slam violently against my ribcage. I hate nervousness. It flutters around in the depths of my stomach and up through my windpipe, giving me constant giddiness and nausea. It's not fun.

Just as I turn the next corridor, I slam into something distinctly humanoid and tall. My first reaction is to apologise profusely and move past. But before I can do this, a hand snakes out and grabs me around the waist to prevent me from falling, which makes me realise how dizzy and disoriented I am.

"Sakura."

And oh, don't I know _that _voice well enough. I practically have envisioned this 'love confession' scene my whole life; although typically it took place in a flower field with me in a gossamer gown and him in shiny armour with a majestic steed behind him, and a mysterious breeze fluttering lifting the petals to dance around us.

Oh, be quiet.

I look up at him hazily. "Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn," he responds by way of explanation, pulling me into an empty classroom and quickly seating me. I'm slightly disappointed when he removes the steady hand he had around my waist, but it was meddling with all my senses, so I suppose it had to be done.

"Fancy seeing you here," I prattle while regaining my bearings. "At school. Because we … both go here. And ran into each other, even though it's statistically a slim possibility considering how many students…" I wait for him to tell me I'm babbling, but he doesn't. He merely stares.

That didn't make it any easier.

(But that's part of the reason I love him. He's unpredictable, and yet I'm never surprised when he doesn't do what I expect him to––it's the ultimate contradiction, but I enjoy it way more than I should.

I should not be introspective at a time like this, right?)

"Um, I said I was gonna talk to you, wasn't I?" I cover up my rambling as expertly as I can. "So… here I am! And, uh, did you want to go first?"

Sasuke-kun falls silent for a few moments, before fixing me with the Uchiha Glare of Supreme Death and Promised Torture. "You're annoying," he proclaims viciously.

"I know," I respond weakly, buckling under his intense gaze.

"Don't you have any consideration for other people at all?" he continues, and I can tell he's too angry to care about his maximum word limit and natural stoicism at the moment.

"Not really," I look down at my shoes.

"Don't you realise how _insensitive _it is to email somebody like that, and then avoid them like the plague the next day?" Sasuke-kun is giving me the longest lecture I think he ever has. And it's just that. A lecture.

"I do now," I tell him.

He is not mollified. "_You _are annoying," he says acerbically, heightening the amount of Death he put into his glare.

I swallow and breathe deeply, feeling my elusive confidence simmer and dissolve into nothingness. Well, I couldn't expect it to hang around after he started ranting, could I? It's so very uncharacteristic, yet again I half-expected it.

Not as if he was gonna greet me with sunshine and smiles.

"I'm sorry," I state, still staring at my shoes. "I was insensitive and annoying and inconsiderate. I'm sorry."

He seems surprised I didn't get angry back, because I always do. Instead I just feel resigned; if he's going to hate me, I might as well let him.

"What's up with you?" he asks in a voice that betrays a little more concern than is really necessary. I look up, finally, meeting his obsidian eyes with my own and wincing at the way they've softened, ever-so-slightly.

I must've taken Sasuke 101 the same way Ino took Sakura 101, because I'm noticing all the little mannerisms now that I'm not blinded by my emotions and incredible lack of conscience.

I feel so _horrible. _He has no reason to be concerned about me or my welfare or whatever the old-fashioned saying is, because I am a bitch and I have wronged him _so many times over and_––

"Nothing!" I'm a little more high-pitched than normal. "Nothing is wrong. I just… feel a little out of it, that's all. And terrible. I'm really sorry, Sasuke-kun."

I can tell he's uneasy that I apologised so genuinely and didn't feel the need to berate him for being so harsh. 'Cause he _was _harsh, but I deserved it. He's also extremely taken aback that I agreed with everything he said.

"You…" he trails off, at a loss.

Deeming myself healthy and balanced enough to stand, I lift myself out of the chair and face him––well, look up at him, more like. Grumble.

"Everything that's happened these past few weeks, I'm _really _sorry for," I nod in time with my apologies. "So you don't have to lecture me or get angry, 'cause I already know what I did wrong. So yeah. You just… you just don't worry about it. And you don't have to forgive me, either! I'm just saying sorry, for the record. Because I am."

He just keeps staring at me, like I'm an invading species from another planet.

"Although…" I say nervously. "You saying _something _would help a little."

He mumbles something, which sounds like 'Sakura' and 'annoying' but he's turned away now, not facing me. Whether it's out of surprise or disgust or something else I'm just not figuring, I'm not sure. But it _is _sufficiently awkward.

"Sasuke-kun…"

"Hn?" this time it's more of a question than a statement.

I swerve around the mass of limbs and muscles that is him, so I'm in his line of vision again. He glances down at me briefly, and he's expressionless.

The same feelings I had back at the party––and what I'm starting to feel now were the _right feelings; _to just _let him know about my **own** feelings_––start to bombard my senses again, and I am struck with the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

He just… looks so _kissable, _standing there and staring at me, cautiously blank, completely devoid of any of the anger he'd had minutes prior.

"I'm sorry," I say again, this time because there was nothing else to say––

And then I grab his tie and pull him down towards me, his lips meeting mine.

* * *

It takes about five seconds for Sasuke-kun to start kissing back.

And Sasuke-kun kisses _so much better _than Sai ever did.

* * *

A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Um, yeah. Sorry for the delay. Was it worth the wait?


	13. ex plus why equals you, sasuke

"Um."

Okay, so I've been saying that particular word––or making that particular sound, anyway––for the past two and a half minutes. Exactly. Yes, a hundred and fifty seconds of floundering and flailing and panicking and _**why oh why do you have to be so coherent after such an experience Sasuke-kun!?**_

Sasuke-kun continues to stare.

"Um."

The seconds tick by. One hundred and fifty-eight…

"…is it true?" he breathes.

My nod is slow, like I'm submerged in icy water.

"_Um."_

(And then **all hell breaks loose**.)

_Run for cover!_

* * *

Okay––am I getting too ahead of myself? I think I am. Sorry. With the confusing narrative structure, I'm pretty sure it's obvious that my brain often has these epileptic fits in which it just _doesn't make sense_. I think it's called working in tangents.

**SASUKE-KUN IS:**

-an extreme annoyance

-in my brain all the time, I mean, _seriously!_

-an extremely breath-takingly good kisser

-and when I say good, I mean really, _really _good

-where in the _world _did he get all that experience anyway?

-am I getting off topic? Okay. Sasuke-kun is also flunking Math

-my lips **were just on his! LE SQUEAL**

-okay, I am _fixated_

-reliving the moment over and over and over…

-Sasuke-kun is now extremely pissed off at me

-because I might have sort of told him something that would anger him

-like, I dunno, why I dated Sai?

-yea, I know, I think I'm a stupid ungrateful bitch, too

-feel free to throw tomatoes!

YES. OKAY.

Getting back into the flow of things––

* * *

Sasuke-kun's arms circle around my waist, drawing me closer to him. Hell, I could hardly move in his vice-grip. And his kisses were getting rougher, darting around my mouth like _oh my god it is __**soo good**_.

I just bask in the extreme glory of making out with **THE **Uchiha Sasuke––you know, the one **all **the girls in school would like to make out with––and I just _delight _in the fact that _he _is the one kissing _me _now, and––

And then the guilt comes.

So it's only small at first, like the eye of the storm. But then it starts hollowing its own little place at the centre of my being, and I start feeling all these _holy crap he's kissing me but he has no idea what I've been putting him through _emotionswith a side dish of _but I just want to know if he cares._ I don't know what to call that, except maybe major guilt and confusion would fit.And _then_––

I pull away abruptly. His arms stay locked around my waist, and he's breathless for just a few moments before regaining his composure. It's nice to see him vulnerable, but…

"I can't do this," I tell him.

(OH MY GOD I AM DELUSIONAL AND INSANE AND LOTS OF OTHER REALLY BAD THINGS AND––

I deserve to be burned at the stake. By the fangirls. Because _obviously _if he is kissing me then he doesn't really _mind _all that much and he's forgiven me, but––

But I love him. And I made him suffer. And I need to repent.

AND CAN I BECOME A NUN NOW?)

He frowns down at me, and removes his arms, stepping back. His expression is… well, the only word I can think of is _wounded_.

"Not because of you," I tell him, and it sounds like one of those fake break-up speeches to me, so I change my tact. "I mean, I want to… I really do… but you need to know something first. And I need to be the one to tell you. And I think I should tell you now, because we––before I get too selfish, which would probably result from further kissing."

I'm babbling. I realise this. And Sasuke-kun is mostly looking at me like I'm from outer space now, instead of being hurt. Which I suppose is better than nothing.

"What…" he asks. "Are you _talking _about?"

"You asked me before," I respond quickly. "About why I was dating Sai. And, um, well… it's actually a long story, why we got together and why he broke up with me. And it involves Naruto, too, actually."

(WHO I WILL **KILL**, BY THE WAY.)

"But mostly me," I amend when I recognise the familiar light in Sasuke-kun's eyes as being murderous.

"Hn," he looks away, deliberating.

I take in a deep breath, and begin.

* * *

Okay, so basically my speech consisted of:

_Blah blah blah jealousy blah blah to piss you off blah blah revenge blah blah friends with benefits blah blah breaking up part of the plan blah blah stupid blah blah I'm sorry further blah._

Not so interesting, right? Just everything that happened with Sai. No editing.

And now that brings us back to––

* * *

Sasuke-kun's eyes have gone completely cold now; none of the emotion that was there before is even noticeable behind the white fury. And it scares me. I've never seen Sasuke-kun properly, _righteously _angry before––I mean, never with such a good reason.

And considering all that anger is directed at _me?_

"All this time…" his voice is like ice. "You have been using Sai to get back at _me? _Using him to make me…"

"I know," I cut across him. "And I feel terribly, horribly guilty. And I could have… have _not _told you, and just had you excuse all that––but I can't. Because I need you to know. 'Cause I figured… once you knew, you wouldn't want anything to do with me… and that I'd deserve that…"

My voice peters out. I don't tell him that I had really wished he'd forgive me, and that I had very selfishly thought he might not care. But the deed is done now. Not much more I can do now than grin and bear whatever abuse he throws at me. Sasuke-kun isn't one to shout and yell and rant, but I figure that I may have pushed him across _that _particular boundary.

I brace myself. But surprisingly he doesn't raise his voice.

"You were right," he says coldly, now about three metres away from me. And it's then that my already stressed out heart decides to vacation in the land of _not coping_.

I look down at my shoes so he doesn't see the tears. I also blame being female, 'cause really, are we born with weak tear ducts or _what?_

"Why?"

I'm almost surprised he even bothers to ask.

"What?" I ask, timid.

"_Why did you do it?"_

(And now this is the part where I can redeem myself, isn't it? Or the part where I screw myself over even _more _royally?)

"Oh, uh…"

C'mon, Haruno Sakura, this is the only chance you've got left, isn't it?

"It's because…" I try and make myself seem more confident to him. "Because, for _ages _now, since I was six, I've––"

The bell rings. Loudly. Sasuke-kun starts when he hears it, and he turns on his heel and leaves, not before casting me a perfunctory, _I-can't-believe-I-ever-bothered-with-you_ glance. So I s'pose he isn't as interested in knowing as he was when he _didn't _think I was a total bitch.

I would've curled up in a corner and cried, but in a few minutes a teacher's gonna walk in, and I don't particularly feel like explaining myself.

_Sigh._

**Teacher, teacher, I'm the slut queen of slutdonia! **

* * *

**5/8: no title to give**

So.

This is fun.

Not.

I thought it wouldn't hurt as much.

I'm experienced with semi-heartbreak. And even what I thought was the real thing.

Again.

And again.

And _again._

But this time…

It's all _my _fault.

Manipulating depression to her will,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––I could really use some trashy romance novels right about now. They would make me feel _less _like a total moron.

* * *

**Ino-Babe: **HARUNO SAKURA, ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.

**Ino-Babe: **Okay, so I realise you're upset, forehead-girl. And when you're upset you tend to go into hiding and mope about your life and be all emo. But hello? Retail therapy! Living life to the fullest! Before you got mixed up in this whole love triangle thing, you were happy and optimistic and not such a dork on the romance subject.

**Ino-Babe: **HAY, I AM PLAYING COUNSELLOR HERE. BE CO-OPERATIVE.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Ino-pig, **go away.**

**Ino-Babe: **Oh, ha. If you _really _didn't want to talk to anybody, then you wouldn't be online. Again, she triumphs. (Me, that is.)

**The-Pretty-Princess: **I'm talking to Sai, actually.

**Ino-Babe: **About what? How depressed you are? Honey, I understand you a lot better than Sai does.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **…I'm just telling him what happened.

**Ino-Babe: **What, the part where Sasuke found out about your whole jealousy slash revenge slash pent-up sexual frustration plan? Or the part where you _didn't _get to confess your undying love for him?

**The-Pretty-Princess: **IF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HELPFUL, IT _WASN'T._

**Ino-Babe: **Oh, come on! You got upset when it looked like Sasuke wasn't getting jealous, and when he said he wouldn't ever feel anything for you. You got upset when you started feeling guilty about the whole revenge plan, and _then _when you tried to tell him about your feelings and failed miserably. You got upset when Sai broke up with you. AND NOW, WOMAN, I SAY YOU ARE _DONE _BEING UPSET.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Ino-pig, I _told _you that neglecting your medication is _bad._

**Ino-Babe: **Phooey on _you! _You and I, we are going shopping _pronto_. And then you will cheer up. And then you will get yourself a good plan.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Plan? Plan for what? Moving to Greenland? Y'know, as much as the idea appeals, I don't think my mother would appreciate it…

**Ino-Babe: **NO! Plan to make it up to your lover-boy, duh. So maybe you screwed up a little. But Sasuke should've seen that you really _did _feel guiltier than is humanly possible. And hello? Wasn't entirely one hundred percent _your _fault. I mean, in the blaming department.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Oh, sure, I suppose _you _can be blamed for encouraging me in the first place. And I suppose Sai can be blamed for his incredible hotness and Naruto for his incredible _stupidity_. Look, it is _not _your fault that you got mixed up in my pettiness.

**Ino-Babe: **Uh, no. I was kinda talking about the fact that Sasuke really has no right to get so angry considering he _supposedly _(his words, not mine) does _not _have feelings for you. As he so vehemently wants us to believe. And, uh, it's not as if you two were in a _relationship _and you were _cheating _on him. You were just trying to win his heart. But he's a total blockhead and he is swimming in denial.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **INO-PIG, STOP IT WITH THE STUPID PUN.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Wait, you're trying to blame _Sasuke-kun _now?

**Ino-Babe: **No, I'm blaming the _both of you_. Fifty-fifty. But considering I have no control over Sasuke's actions and really don't speak Guy, I'll start at your end and enlist help later.

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Am I supposed to make any sense out of that?

**Ino-Babe: **TO THE MALL WE GO! AVAST!

**The-Pretty-Princess: **Uh, avast means stop, Ino-pig.

**Ino-Babe: **Oh. Well, then…NON-AVAST!

* * *

**THE HOLY BIBLE OF RETAIL THERAPY.**

_As transcribed by Yamanaka Ino,  
_And slandered by Haruno Sakura.

1. _**Shoes **__are a must. An expert shopaholic can usually detect shoe stores by the scent of leather or good navigational skills––either that, or photographic memory of the mall's layout._

(Ino-pig, you are NOT SERIOUS. Besides, you do not have photographic memory and the idea of you _smelling _your way to shoes is extremely creepy.)

(_Ye of so little faith. Do not underestimate the power of us shopaholics.)_

(Oh, I don't. I really don't.)

2. _Next to shoes, the other item of outmost importance is __**make-up. **__Any shopaholic will tell you that the way to a girl's self-esteem is through the make-up department. When a girl has been __**scorned **__or __**rejected **__or especially __**heartbroken, **__make-up will help bring back her cheery demeanour. _

(That's your grand idea? Poke me in the eye with a mascara wand?)

(_Honey, I haven't poked you in the eye with a mascara wand since I was eight. I am just that good. I have __**mad skills**__._)

(…and obviously the peroxide has seeped through your hair and into your _brain_.)

3. _**Hair care **__is another golden rule. If on a shopping trip with a __**heartbroken **__woman, make sure to get her a nice haircut that will make her feel __**good about herself. **__If repeated assurances of her worth are necessary, then that is also fine. But haircuts are an essential tool in motivation: they can either aid in __**Getting over the Man **__or __**Winning Him Back **__or even __**Exacting Revenge.**_

(And which one will I be doing, pray tell?)

(_That's up to you. Personally I'm __**sure **__that some of my fellow shopaholics will know good methods of castration…_)

(Okay. NOW I know it's serious.)

(_YOU ARE DEFACING THE BIBLE, SAKURA. FEEL BAD. MAY THE GOD OF RETAIL THERAPY __**SMITE YOU DOWN!**__)_

4. _Next come the __**clothes. **__Now, a novice shopper might think that clothes would be the first thing to go to, but it is vital that the steps must be followed chronologically. For a __**scorned **__or __**rejected **__woman, anything that she likes and anything that brings back the light to her eyes is __**a must**__. However, for a __**heartbroken**__ woman, things of a sexy or sensual nature are needed––how else will said __**heartbroken **__woman regain her self-esteem and inner-goddess?_

(Inner-_goddess?_ Okay, you lost me there.)

(_Y'know, the centre of your being! It's a metaphor for your strength. I believe that every woman should let her inner-goddess guide her down the path of empowerment. Hell, why would we woman let a __**man **__depress us?_)

(Good point…)

5. _And lastly, __**ACCESSORIES. **__Something that will compliment your new outfit/s, hairdo, make-up and shoes. Something like a belt or hair band or jewellery. If the __**heartbroken **__woman is still showing no signs of recovery, then jewellery is your best option. Something that will make her feel __**divine and powerful. **_

(I really have no other comments on the level of your insanity…)

_BONUS POINT: Hey, if you need a break during your shopping trip, or something at the end––__**COMFORT FOOD! **__Ice-cream, cake, doughnuts. The shopping will probably work off the calories anyway, so no leftover guilt! _

(_And ta dah! Aren't I a genius? I should be praised and worshipped.)_

(Actually, I was thinking you might need to be exorcised.)

* * *

"OH MY GOSH, THOSE SHOES ARE SO COOL."

"Sakura, honey, I realise you are excited … but calm down."

"I WANT THEM."

"Maybe I _shouldn't _have underestimated your enthusiasm…"

"I _NEED _THEM."

"What happened to being depressed?"

"THEY CALL TO ME––oh, that? I'm beginning to realise it's unimportant."

"Unimportant? Huh?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. It'll sort itself out."

* * *

**6/8: it's horrible of me to say, but i'm **_**sick of shopping**_

So spending the entire day shopping yesterday was fun in its own right, _but oh my gosh I never want to see another mall ever again. _Total sensory overload. And, um, also going just a teensy bit over my monthly budget.

So it _may _have been enlightening, but all these bags are _taunting _me.

On a side note:

**MY NEW HAIR LOOKS WICKED AWESOME. **

It's _short _now. I don't know what possessed me, but I just said to the stylist "Cut it all off. I don't want it anymore".

AND NOW IT IS GONE AND IT IS _AWESOME_. It's layered and flicks out at the ends and is pretty and who cares if Sasuke-kun apparently likes girls with long hair he's not going to like _me _anyway and––

Okay, sorry. I forgot my grammar rules for a second there.

Anyway, back to the enlightening part.

So I was shopping with Ino-pig… and she was babbling about her so-called Bible and how much it works… something about repairing a woman's damaged psyche? Look, I so think she should be a guidance counsellor when she's older. She can aid woman everywhere in castrating their exes.

Anyway, I know Ino _often _makes valid points about stuff like this, so I tried to listen. And my thoughts kinda drifted, the way they do…

(Have you noticed I'm a lot less morbid? IT'S TOTALLY THE HAIR.)

But back to the topic. So Sasuke-kun wasn't mad at me for any of it after I apologised, until I told him about me actually being responsible for the entire thing and going so far as to _plan _making him jealous. So Sasuke-kun got incredibly pissed, like any normal person I know would. And I'm entirely unsure me confessing my feelings would have changed the outcome that much.

I was trying on a multitude of different outfits and thinking how much it sucked that Sasuke-kun… that Sasuke-kun probably wouldn't even care anymore. You know, about what I look like or what I wear. Because Sasuke-kun feels betrayed, and he thinks I did all that because I was deliberately seeking to hurt him. And I was, just a little. But not because I _hate _him, which is what he must think _now_.

So you know what I realised?

I don't want everything to end that way. _I _don't want the Sasuke-kun issue to remain unresolved. And you know what I also realised?

_I _have the power to change it. Me. Haruno Sakura. I initiated the plan, I went through with it, and I repented for it. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let things stay the way they are––

I never really thought of myself as strong before. I always thought I was a weak person for being in love with Sasuke-kun and never doing anything about it. I thought I was a weak person for not knowing if that love _was _true and _wasn't _just superficial longing. I thought I was a weak person because I let that love blind me to reason and morality.

But Haruno Sakura is **not a weak person.**

So maybe I've made a few careless, idiotic decisions. And maybe I've been swimming in denial––and thanks to Ino-pig, I'm probably going to call it that _for the rest of my bloody life now_––and maybe I've been too scared to admit that there's a possibility Sasuke-kun feels _something _for me, and I would find out whatever it was if I told him _my _feelings.

I had the right idea back at his party. There were glimpses of strength there. But I was a coward.

**And I'm done being a coward now.**

So! LOOK OUT WORLD.

Haruno Sakura is back in the game, and she's bursting with enthusiasm. This girl is someone who _doesn't _go down without a fight, and perhaps she's found her inner-goddess. Finally. After fifteen years of confusion.

(I am seriously never using the goddess analogy again.)

I can state, with firm conviction, that:

I am in love with Uchiha Sasuke in a wholesome and non-superficial way. This means I'm gonna try and make amends. And because I am a selfish creature, that also means I'll try and make something happen between us. Because I'm _done _letting it lie there, and I'm done having _Naruto _realise things before me.

'Cause really, kind of the ultimate insult to my intelligence.

Basking in her own empowerment,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––I HAVE SMEXY SHOES MADE OF SMEX. AND YES, I **WILL **LEARN TO WALK IN THEM AND REVEL IN THEIR EXTREME SMEXINESS.

Hell, I can see why Ino-pig delights so much in shopping trips.

I may not wear the pants, but I am powerful and happy in my skirt.

(That, and it is extremely pretty.)

* * *

To: foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Naruto

I need your help.

I'm prepared to disregard the extreme anger I feel towards you _if_ you agree to help me. Also, I'm prepared to _not _hurt you if our plan succeeds. If _you_ make it succeed.

You up for it?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––oh my gosh, I sounded so official just then! You think I could get one of those badges?

Uh. I mean. _Seriously. _(This is in no way blackmail. Just a polite _warning._)

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: AGH!

YOU SET THE DEMON-LADY LOOSE ON ME! _WHYYY!?_

Sakura-chan is _demanding help! _What did you do to her? Because I swear she is channelling _Satan_.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––you think ropes would restrain her? Sometimes I believe she is superhuman.

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Step aside!

So I got Sakura riled up enough to embark on her mission. Plus, she's pretty enthusiastic. Am I good or am I good? No one wins like Ino wins!

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––has Sasuke even said a word to you lately? He's not even talking to _Naruto._

* * *

**8/8: bwahaha! **

What better time to finish organising my plan than on the eighth? The number that, when turned sideways, is infinity? And I think that might be a good mantra. I won't give up on Sasuke-kun, 'cause I never did, and I never will.

Plan equals _organised._

Sakura equals _SQUEE._

Who cares if Sasuke-kun is uncooperative? He's not your typical social butterfly _anyway._

Scheming the hard days and nights away,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

"Nice hair," Sai comments as I waltz into school the next morning.

And when I say waltz, it's not so far off the mark.

"Thanks!" I tell him brightly, humming to myself.

"You look unnecessarily chipper," he notes, falling into a steady gait beside me. "Mind telling me why that is?"

"Epiphany," I respond lightly, adjusting the strap on my bag.

"I thought so," he says, unsmilingly. Although that's sort of like him. "Ino mentioned something about it. You have a plan to get Uchiha to forgive you?"

I stop, and silently damn Ino-pig to Hell. I didn't particularly want Sai to know about that part. "Yeah," I bite my lip.

"Is there a reason why I'm not allowed to be involved?" he doesn't even look hurt as he says this. Just slightly amused, and slightly curious. I think maybe he knows the answer better than I do.

"I kinda thought it might complicate things some more," I shrug noncommittally. "I'm turning over a new leaf, you know? No dragging friends into things that aren't meant for them to be in. I mean, Naruto has to make it up to Sasuke-kun, too… so I figure it's a chance for both of us to 'gain retribution', or so Naruto calls it. But you don't really care what Sasuke-kun thinks about _you._"

"That _is _true," he smirks.

"So," I continue. "I just wanted to… save you the stress. And the fact that Sasuke-kun might not _get it _if you… just that … he's a very black and white person. I don't think he'll even understand us being friends."

Sai looks mock hurt. "Are you _unfriending _me?"

I giggle, and he lets out an extremely low chuckle. "Not exactly," I tell him in a faux tone of long-suffering. "Just that it is so _terribly _difficult to maintain such relationships, what with a tyrannical dictator such as Uchiha Sasuke looming over our heads!"

I giggle some more at the thought, and it surprises me that I _am _so happy. Because seriously, my plan could fail miserably and potentially humiliate me publicly so much that I'll have to go into the witness protection program.

"He _is _a worry," Sai agrees. Then turns to me fully. "Will you be all right?"

I look up at him, and smile.

"I think I'll be fine."

* * *

**9/8: um, well…**

Y'know all those speeches of empowerment and stuff before?

Well… okay, this is just a momentary relapse.

NO. I AM **SO **NOT HIDING IN THE BATHROOM.

…right now I'm hiding in the janitor's closet. It's right next to the media station where people make announcements in the morning, which Naruto is currently in. And I'm supposed to be watching for teachers, but um…

Confidence has deserted me. I'm temporarily incapacitated.

AND I AM MADE OF AWESOME, SO NO COMMENTS.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I swear, in five minutes I will go out there and do this. I totally, completely swear on the Bible of Retail Therapy.

If Ino-pig were here, she might be accusing me of sacrilege.

* * *

A/N: So when I said the chapter would be up _soon, _what I really meant was I will keep procrastinating until I feel like finishing it off. So sorry about that. And when I say the next chapter will be up soon, I might be lying. I don't really know. BUT I'LL TRY. I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY. And yeah, I ended it on _another _cliffhanger. Ish. I'm drunk with power! So, this chapter. You like? (Personally, I believe that empowered!Sakura is so much funner to write about than depressed!Sakura or theworldisagainstme!Sakura. Just a thought. But coward!Sakura IS THE BEST. PERIOD.) OH! And I got to sneak in a math pun in the title! I never thought I'd be able to do that! I'm so awesome!


	14. in which sakura panics and ino flails

**9/8: rant is not the word I would use**

So there's probably a ninety-nine point nine percent chance that I'm _completely out of my mind_. Of course I would have thought this plan was foolproof last night––last night it was a prospect on the distant horizon. Plus, after four cups of coffee and two chocolate bars to keep me sufficiently energised until four in the morning, um, _OF COURSE I WOULD SURRENDER MY MIND TO __**INSANITY!**_

I should just never trust myself again. It only ever leads to very bad things.

And if you're wondering––YES, I FULLY REALISE AND ACCEPT I'M A COWARD. So be quiet.

Oops. I think Naruto's coming to check up on me…

BE SUAVE AND UNYIELDING, SAKURA!

I have a whip and I'm not afraid to use it,  
Sakura-chan (if people ever got a hold of this, would they think I'm serious?)

P.S––I'm praying for divine intervention. Of any kind. Hey, I'm even welcoming demon possession at this point––but, um, wait. Emily Rose and stigmata and scary guttural voices? Okay, nice holy goodness would be much better.

* * *

"Sakura-chan? Where are you?"

Unfortunately, Naruto still seems readily accepting of my plan, and probably won't understand my lack of courage. _ACK! _

"In here!" I reply meekly (but a _confident _meek), signing my own death warrant.

The door opens. Naruto furrows his brow at me.

"Uh, Sakura-chan? Why are you in the janitor's closet?"

"Because I felt like it."

"Um…why?"

"Because I'm awesome and therefore am entitled to do anything I want."

He slips through the door, and offers me one of his spectacular Uzumaki grins. That's one thing about Naruto that nobody ever forgets––he's the easiest person to befriend. He'll just waltz right in and paint rainbows and brightness into your life. I guess maybe I haven't really been in the mood to notice lately, but _wow_. Now why couldn't Sasuke-kun be like _Naru_––

Oh, gods. I must be way more nervous than I'm giving myself credit for.

Wishing _Sasuke-kun _would be like _Naruto? _

(A thousand ews. That would be like wishing your incredibly hot lover to be more like your dorky brother––_which it would be so cool if that was the __**actual **__situation_…)

"Sakura-chan, I know Sasuke's an ass," he shrugs. "But that doesn't mean you hafta beat yourself up over it. And, uh, hide in closets. You're too pretty to be hiding."

"Not even," I grouch. "If that was supposed to be motivational, then––"

"For serious," Naruto interjects. "Personally, I think you'd be better off going for _Shino _over Sasuke––at least Shino has the cool glasses. But whatever, I get that you love him and that he most probably loves you, too. So that's why I'm doing this. But hiding in the janitor's closet will … um, well, people will think you're creepy."

I blink at him. "Thanks, Naruto. I feel _so much better _now. At least I'll have my creepiness to console me if everything goes terribly **wrong!**"

He winces. "I didn't mean it like _that_."

"I know, but seriously."

We lapse into a contemplative silence. Well, _I'm _contemplative. I think Naruto might just be at a loss for what to say. Eventually I let out a sigh of long-suffering.

"Okay, let's do this thing!" I tell him, a lot more confidently than it is really conceivable for me to feel right now.

"You sure?" Naruto looks startled.

"No. But drag me forcibly if I start to back out."

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: AGH!

I'm so nervous. And I can't even explain _why _I'm nervous. I mean, it's not as if it's _my _future riding on the outcome of this stunt! But still.

(Plus, actually doing work is totally passé. Teachers should give us allowances for HIGHSCHOOL DRAMAS! I MEAN, **COME ON. **How am I supposed to concentrate on spreadsheets and databases when my best friend is putting her dignity and bruised heart on the line?)

WAH, I FEAR FOR HER.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Calm yourself

We've all been concentrating on this issue a little more than our own lives, haven't we? I suggest meditation. I have heard it's very soothing while you're under stress. Although I have the feeling everything will be fine in the end.

I've also been told whale sounds soothe you, though, so perhaps the method is unreliable. I've never found anything particularly comforting about whale sounds.

_Sai._

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Haha…ha?

If you weren't so hot, I'd think you were really creepy.

You know that?

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Hmm

I'm unsure whether that was a misguided compliment, or not.

So I'll say: why thankyou, under the pretence that it is.

_Sai._

* * *

**9/8: and the minutes tick away**

Well, the technicians don't come in here during breaks, which is when I intend to air my "broadcast". Naruto's also locked the door with the padlock, so I can finish up before getting assigned detention, or suspended, or expelled, or whatever the crime is for "misuse of the media room". But hey, I'm pretty sure they don't have a rule about it, so I _could _get off the hook with my stunning unblemished record.

…okay, so it is slightly blemished. WHATEVER.

Uhm… but I think suddenly I've forgotten whatever it is I was going to say. OH GODS, WHAT WAS I GOING TO **SAY!?**

Oh, Naruto has just assured me he has it written down, so I only have to read. Although I doubt I will even be able to do that properly.

UGH. MY HAND IS SHAKING.

MY HANDWRITING IS USUALLY FLAWLESS. **FLAWLESS, I TELL YOU!**

Wonky wand-waving wench,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––Okay, so when I played Dragon Quest, I thought the term "wand-waving wench" was hilarious. AND YES, VIDEOGAMES **ARE **COOL.

* * *

"Sakura-chan, are you ready?" Naruto asks, hand hovering over the 'ON' button for the microphone.

I gulp. "No. Not even in the slightest. Not even _half a percent_. But. Uh. We're here now, right? We're gonna most probably screw ourselves over punishment-wise even if we _don't _go through with this?"

The blonde checks his watch. "Pretty much, yeah. The custodian's due to check on the room as soon as break's over, and we've kind of left too much evidence of us being here…"

"Okay," I breathe. "I can do this. Yeah, I can. I don't know. Can I do this?"

"Uhm. Not if you talk like that the entire time…"

"NARUTO. NOT HELPING."

"Oh. Right. Sure! You can do this! Believe it!"

Not even his 'believe it' sounds convincing. Oh, bless his soul.

"The principal is going to have my head for this…" I mutter, shaking my head. "Okay. Turn on the microphone, Naruto."

(It's not as if I can just _not _go through with it now. I spent ages riling myself up and deciding that I _was _empowered and that I _was _strong enough to pull it off. I can't just give up on all that now––)

"Hey, students of GKA!" Naruto says, and I hear his voice echoing through the hallways. _Oh gods I never thought I'd get this far without being caught! _"This is Uzumaki Naruto here, and welcome to the very first instalment of our school's own talk show! The principal decided it would be good if we could organise our own radio show, of sorts, during break hours. Life tips, friend tips, study tips, even music from our own bands––it'll all be here!"

(…wow. I never knew Naruto could be so convincing. The principal is probably wondering when the hell she approved this, and is also probably desperately trying to remember if she's just forgotten about it. Haha! That should buy us some time. Tsunade-sama does like her sake…)

"To open our show," Naruto continues in the perfect talk show host voice. "We've decided to touch upon an issue that many teenage girls should be able to relate to––romantic confusion."

I wince here. Sasuke-kun––wherever he is currently; probably moping to himself in some dark corner of the school––is going to be seriously creeped out by now. But then again, if we didn't have all this stuff beforehand, it would sound kind of weird, right? The show must go on, after all.

"So there's that whole 'fairytale romance' and 'one true love' thing that most girls fall victim to," Naruto really is getting into this. Did he, like, _prepare?_ "And everything's way melodramatic in high school. People do things that they might not necessarily do in any other setting. Plus, hormones on the rage equal bad decision-making. So here's Haruno Sakura with her own personal story––hopefully she can give some advice to other GKA girls who find themselves lost and confused in the romance department."

OH NO WAIT. HE JUST SAID **MY NAME. **THAT MEANS I HAVE TO SPEAK NOW. AGH! HIDE ME!

Naruto moves slightly back and indicates for me to take over. I'm pretty sure he's seen ice bergs with more colour––I positively felt it all _drain away from my face _at hearing my name.

(_Go, Sakura! Just do it! Now! __**NOW!**_)

I grab the microphone. "Hi, GKA!" I say brightly, with as much confidence as I can possibly muster. Which is probably not a lot. "It's exciting for me to be able to do this, y'know. I think a school talk show is a great idea, 'specially for us girls, right?"

I'm going along with the lie. _I cannot believe I am adding my own opinion to the lie. _Have I lost my **mind!?**

"So here's the thing," I take a deep breath.

**What if everyone is listening? Completely absorbed in my story? AGH!**

…you know what? I really have to tackle this whole uber-panicking thing I do.

"I always considered myself as _intelligent_," I bite my lip. "Well, I guess I am. I pass all my tests, I hardly ever get anything below an A… I've even been recommended by various teachers to apply for like a dozen different scholarship programs. And no, this isn't just me bragging and acting all high and mighty…"

Kinda sounds like it, doesn't it? I am a straight-A student who can go to practically any college she wants to 'cause she's oh-so-smart. _Great going, Haruno._

"…but I'm saying this 'cause I've done stuff that I think––or, well, that I _know_––no intelligent woman _would _do. Mostly because … I have a tendency to over-analyse things and listen to emotions over logic and rationality. In my personal life, I mean. So… I guess that makes me kinda _un_intelligent too, right? So hopefully you all don't think I'm some sort of geek who thinks too highly of herself…"

Haha. I think I'm too spastic for that to really apply to me.

Oh, gods. I feel like just never getting to the point. That would be fun. Naruto's giving me a Look. ("C'mon, Sakura-chan, _just say what you're supposed to say already!_")

"Anyway, maybe I should be getting back to the actual point now?" I hear a few laughs in a nearby corridor––oh goddess, that means people are actually listening. That is not a good sign. Or, uh, wait. That means it _is _a good sign, right?

"I've been in love with this guy for forever––basically since I first started school," I sigh at the memories. "But he wasn't the type to really go for girls like me, y'know? So I never thought that I'd ever have any real chance with him. For years it was sort of like that. Us being sort of friends but not really. Right? And I was cool with that. Well, I was _sort of _cool. But eventually you get sick of waiting around for someone that is never going to get their act together, right?"

Woe is me. I'm spilling my life story to my entire school. And what's worse, they probably have a fairly good guess at _who _I'm talking about.

("**Oh, look, it's fangirl number eighty-two, with her latest 'Sasuke rejected me' story.**")

…that makes me feel so insecure right now.

"…and then this _other _guy turns up. One that's sort of similar to _my _guy––but not. And considering I'd never made any progress with him, I decided to give this other guy a shot… and that quickly evolved into this huge jealousy scheme…"

Sasuke-kun better know I'm talking about him. Considering I told him the whole story before, I think he'll put two and two together––but seriously, if he hasn't yet realised I'm in love with him, _then what else am I supposed to do!?_

"…things went bad from there … basically the end result of the story? I told my guy what I'd done, but didn't manage to actually tell him _why _I'd done it all––so he's convinced that I hate him, or wanted him to suffer, or _something_. That I was manipulating him. I don't know. Maybe he has feelings for me. But that's not really important to me anymore; not in the way it was. I just… I realise how much I actually _did _care about him, and not just for his looks. Because he _mattered_. And I royally screwed up. Girls, you with me so far?"

I hear a few cheers coming from what has to be the cafeteria.

There is also a sharp and firm knock at the door. So the teachers cottoned on to the whole 'we made it up about the principal approving this' thing? 'Bout time, really.

Naruto nods, telling me to keep going.

(I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS.)

"Maybe I'm just the maker of one of those melodramatic teen love stories," I shrug, although no one can see me, it makes _me _feel better. "But I really do care. It's probably not so obvious to _him_––but I love him, for everything he's done for me and what he's meant to me. I love Uchiha Sasuke."

I pause. For a long time.

OH HOLY CRAP I JUST SAID HIS **NAME.**

I wasn't mean to say his name! Not out loud! He was just meant to assume I was talking about him and then come and question me in person! The whole _school _wasn't meant to find out! Oh crap, I was just getting caught up in the moment––

There's a lot of noise outside. Teachers and students are gathering around the entrance to the media room now. Naruto is giving me a look which is halfway between impressed and horrified.

(I still don't think he's actually processed that I love Sasuke-kun.)

"Sakura-chan…" he whispers. "What are we gonna do _now?_"

"Be executed with _dignity!_" I reply, actually managing a straight face.

…and the microphone is still on.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: OH MY GAWD

**FOREHEAD-GIRL, YOU WERE **_**AMAZING.**_

And when I say amazing, I mean _truly! _I was almost in tears and, uh, hello, _how _many times have I heard that story? All the fangirls went completely white. It was hilarious, plus bonus points for making some non-fangirls tear up and marvel at your confidence. You are seriously an example to us all, Forehead. And to think! You made yourself sound like a freakin' _superhero_, or something!

I think people were even ready to _protest _when you got hauled off to the principal's office. Girls were screaming about "injustice" and us having "a right to free speech"! People were even talking about getting a petition signed.

Like seriously. You make me wonder sometimes.

…unfortunately, I have yet to sight King Emo. Maybe he's in hiding? I singled him out earlier, making sure he'd be here when you _made _the announcement. But after it started, I lost track of him.

Hinata and Tenten came up to me and began talking my ear off about the whole plan, though. I guess they were kinda suspicious about the principal approving such a thing and not actually telling the rest of the school about it––so I caved and told them everything. Is that okay? I know you sort of threatened me with death if I _did _spill the beans, but I'm guessing you're flailing too much right now to really care, huh?

BUT HAY. IF THE PRINCIPAL GETS YOU IN BIG MAJOR TROUBLE, CALL ME, HUN. I will be down there in an _instant _to defend you! After all, I combed through the school rulebook (did _you _know they had one of those? I had to go and pester Shikamaru about it considering he's on the academic focus committee) and found _nothing _on 'misuse of the school PA system'. I guess they don't really expect people to, huh?

Plus, it was break, so it's not as if you were _skipping _or anything. Just make up some batshit excuse about dear Shika-kun giving you permission. I'd like to see the principal try and get _him _in trouble.

Oh, darling, I'm so proud! Tears are literally streaming down my face. I'm so glad I decided to invest that extra five bucks in waterproof mascara, or I'd be seriously in a rut right now. And gah, I'm so proud of you that I'm not even being witty or anything. Just total uber-spastic.

Right, billboard brow. I'm going to see if I can go and found Sasuke and force a reaction out of him. Ta-ta!

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––did you _see _Kakashi-sensei? (Well, I guess you didn't.) He was laughing his ass off! He probably _thought _nobody was paying attention, but I always wondered what he would think of his smartest student being all rebellious like that.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: Well done, Ugly

I was very impressed with your acting skills. I did not think that your plan would involve that kind of subterfuge. Forgive me if it sounds offensive when I say that I thought you would just blurt out some kind of confession––of course, that was basically the finale, wasn't it? Naruto also seemed to be very on the ball, didn't he? I'll have to remember to ask you if I want something like that broadcasted for the whole school to hear.

_Sai._

P.S––don't worry; I believe your reputation is still intact. In fact, I think a few girls even _idolise _you now. Ino included. (I think you broke her.)

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: WAAAH

You _abandoned _me, Sakura-chan! I thought we were gonna accept our punishment together? When we finally got let out of the principal's office, you ran off so fast and left me to endure the hordes of screaming banshees (I mean women) that started clawing at me and complimenting my extreme "bravery".

I don't know about you, but I think the whole school's gone _insane_. Personally, I don't see what's so brave about the whole thing––sure, it was cool of you, BUT I SEEM TO HAVE PUBLIC DISPLAYS LIKE THAT **OFTEN**. Why does nobody ever care about _my _publicity stunts!? (They pretended to be interested in me, but they all just wanted to know where you'd gone.)

HOW CAN I HAVE A JESUS-COMPLEX WHEN NO ONE PAYS ME ANY **ATTENTION**. I FEEL UNLOVED. HOLD ME.

(Or are you and the teme making out in some closet somewhere? If so, I _really _don't want to be the one that finds you.)

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––Hinata just bought me not one, but _two _bowls of ramen. _And _she said that I had been a very good actor and deserved it. _No one _thinks I deserve ramen! No, they're all "blah it's very unhealthy blah you should eat vegetables blah, blah, _blah_". **Finally **someone sane who appreciates my eating habits!

…that was a pointed comment, Sakura-chan. I hope you got it.

* * *

**9/8: how many times must I say I **_**am not in a bathroom!**_

I successfully managed to evade the entire student body of the Grand Konoha Academy. That is no mean feat, you know, so I feel proud. And no, I'm _not _in a bathroom. Or even a janitor's closet. Currently I'm on the roof, where nobody except our creepy gardener goes.

The principal was kinda angry, too. Fortunately, she let me off the hook. See, Tsunade-sama––our, uh, _eccentric _principal––actually thinks I'm 'inventive'. Well, that's one of the words she used. I think she's more afraid she'll have an uprising on her hands if she did punish me accordingly. Actually, our conversation went more like this:

Tsunade: "I understand that you did this in an attempt to salvage your relationship with another student."

Naruto: (fails to understand what Tsunade-sama is talking about and so looks at me to respond)

Me: "Yes, pretty much. Uh, we got a little carried away with the whole 'talk show' thing, though… I'm sorry that it was so, uh, provocative… I didn't mean for all the students to get so hyped up about the whole thing."

(I could be a _diplomat. _Diplomats using the word 'hyped'? Oh yeah.)

Tsunade: "It's an interesting development. In fact, it convinces me that maybe _some _students here _aren't _lost causes… would you be interested in starting a talk show for real?"

Naruto: "NO FREAKIN' WAY!"

Me: (to him) "_Be quiet!"_ (to Tsunade) "Um, I guess so. If you want. Although I don't really have any other personal issues to address right now, so…"

Naruto: (mumbles) "So when _Sakura _is involved in stunts like this _with me, _instead of getting punished, I get offered a _talk show_…"

Tsunade: "Of course, you could invite other students to express their problems, as long as they are not explicit. You could even offer advice. I'm sure the students would take to the idea."

(Uhh… I think it was just because I mentioned Sasuke-kun, really…)

Me: "That would work, too!"

Naruto: "Adhfhfhssjsa!"

Me: "Uh, anyway… are you sure you're not angry?"

Tsunade: "Be warned that if you do this again without permission…"

Me: "I-I understand!"

SO, SEE? I DIDN'T EVEN GET IN **TROUBLE.**

Something Naruto seems very displeased about. I s'pose all those times in detention over pranks made him bitter that I got let off. And I don't even think Kakashi-sensei's bothered that I'm skipping class––something that has _sort of _become a habit.

…you all think I'm stalling, don't you? Or still too shocked to properly realise the weight of what I've just done?

OKAY. SO I'M EXCESSIVELY WORRIED ABOUT SASUKE-KUN'S REACTION, TOO.

In fact, my hands are shaking again. And my mind is berating me for so stupidly believing that he would actually appreciate a gesture such as that. Sure, maybe it guarantees that the fangirls will leave him alone for awhile out of sympathy for me and my public humiliation––but he hates me, right? I do not particularly think that people expect the people they hate to give them a love confession. In front of the whole school.

Oh, gods, what was I _thinking!?_

But I guess you're supposed to regret things afterwards, right? Right. That thought doesn't comfort me as much as I think it _should…_

And everyone thinks it was apparently very 'brave' of me. Really, there was nothing _brave _about it. I just wanted to divest myself of the extreme _guilt _and (hopefully) make Sasuke-kun feel a little better. And actually justify my actions. So it was really out of selfishness and guilt and my love for Sasuke-kun. Not all that miraculous.

Plus, when I checked my emails on my phone and found Ino's, Sai's _and _Naruto's? It made me feel even worse. _Ino _getting spastic over what _I've _done? That _never _happens. Ino's always in control. And Hinata and Tenten and probably Shikamaru all knowing the whole story? Way to make a girl feel fantabulous.

(Not to mention the fact that Tsunade-sama, Kakashi-sensei and _probably _Asuma-sensei all now realise that my actions in class and in the media room all have something to do with Sasuke-kun. Kakashi-sensei used to (very subtly) tease me about my huge crush on Sasuke-kun, and _now _I've given him an even bigger reason to do so. Must I make so many double-edged sword decisions?)

Ugh. I have the feeling I could go on and on about this.

SO I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT SHOES NOW. AND MY **HAIR. **

My hair is still really awesome. And my smexy shoes make me feel womanly and _powerful_. In fact, they are probably the reason I had the slight confidence to do this in the first place.

...sigh.

I'll stop writing now.

Essentially screwed over,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––is it just me or does it sound like someone is coming up the stairs…?

God, I really hope not.

* * *

There is, actually, someone coming up the stairs.

See, the stairs that lead up to here are really old and need oil (or whatever it is stairs need). So I can hear them creaking. Which means someone is putting weight onto them. Which means they are coming up here.

I hope it's not the creepy gardener…

After a few seconds of debating whether I should hide somewhere and save myself the confrontation and awkward explanation––"Uhm, I needed air. At a slightly higher altitude than, um, our oval. Yeah."––the door opens.

And it is _not _the creepy gardener.

And it is _not _a teacher.

And it is _not _a fangirl.

And it is _not _Ino, Sai, or Naruto.

No, it's––

It's Sasuke-kun.

I guess I should have expected that, right? I mean, it's what always happens, huh? He'd have found me eventually, whether or not he was _actually _looking for me.

He narrows his eyes slightly at me when he sees me.

(This, you'll be surprised to know, is not actually a sign of hostility with Sasuke-kun. No, the way he's narrowing them now _actually _means: "So _this _is where you are. I've been looking all over for you. Annoying. Hn." It's sort of a mixture of surprise and relief, which is a lot more than what I deserve, so it lifts my heart a little. Plus, it means he _was _looking for me and wasn't just looking to escape the masses, too.

…am I getting off-topic? Are you annoyed? Okay, I'll return my mind to the situation at hand. But remember: THIS WAS **YOUR **DECISION, NOT **MINE**.)

"Sakura," his voice is bland, as though he's not really sure whether to be angry or relieved or just mildly irritated.

"Uh. Sasuke-kun," I bite down on my lip. Hard. "What're you doing here? I mean, it's class and all…"

"What are _you _doing here?"

"Um. I needed air. At a slightly higher altitude than…um, our oval."

(OH MY GOD I SO DID **NOT **JUST VOICE THE PATHETIC EXCUSE I MADE UP. Okay, breathe, Sakura. Just pretend it was a _joke_. Be suave. SUAVE!)

I give one of those "I was being sarcastic" smiles, which I _think _he gets.

And, wait, hey! We're making small talk. Is this a good sign?

"Um, so…" as much as I like the fact he is speaking to me and not giving me a look of pure fury and/or hatred, I really need to get to the point. "…I'm guessing you heard our, uh, _broadcast? _Which, by the way, I really didn't actually mean to say your name so if you're getting shit from anyone, then I'm really sorry––"

"Sakura."

Okay, _now _he sounds sort of annoyed.

He's still, like, ten metres away from me. And not making any moves to close that distance. I've learned enough about body language to know that that means I'm still not out of the frying pan yet.

(And _when _did I start reciting phrases my mother uses?)

"Was that real?" his voice is teetering on the edge of something. I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds majorly odd. "Or just something else to make me suffer?" oh, but there was some definite bitterness––which I _could _pick up––in that last part.

"No!" I'm flabbergasted. (**NO! **I could never do that to you, Sasuke-kun! Well…I mean…except for the time when I _did _do that to you…) "No, no, no, no, no, _no! _Seriously. I wouldn't…I wouldn't _do _that unless I was completely telling the truth. Which I am. Everything I said was the truth. Well…unless you want to get technical and, _no, _the principal did _not _give me permission to air something like that…"

So humour is my shield. **Bite me. **Laugh, mortals!

Sasuke-kun just gives me a Look. ("You _babble _too much.")

"But Sasuke-kun…" I sigh. "Look, I… well, I could apologise more. Probably for a couple more years, at least. And I can tell you the truth… that I love you. Because I do, and have done for quite awhile. Maybe it doesn't _seem _like it… but if you never want to see me or talk to me again, then I'll totally understand. If I were you, I would hate me, too."

He is silent for a long while. Then there's a: "Hn…"

('Hn'? '**HN'!?** THAT is all I get? I am confessing my LOVE, jerk!)

Then I realise that 'something' that has been in his voice. Uncertainty. But… why is _he _so uncertain? Doesn't he realise that this is emotionally traumatic for me and he is acting oh-so-collected?

"Sakura, I…" he looks sort of pained now. "I…"

My heart sinks slightly. I know that look, too. It's the: "What I'm going to say is probably what you don't want to hear, but I'm not even sure right now…" look. He usually uses it when the cafeteria has run out of ramen and _he _has to be the one to tell Naruto. It's sort of ironic that this situation is so much more important to me, and yet…

It's probably the same to _him_.

"Look, Sasuke-kun," I hold up a hand. I don't particularly want to be rejected face-to-face. Over an email or IM, sure. Hey, even through someone else! But not while he has _that_ look plastered on his too-pretty features. "You don't have to say it. I can pretty much guess. I mean, what do I expect? Waltzing in with a half-baked plan and a haphazard apology? I'm… I'm an idiot! And… lots of other really bad things! I get it now. I mean, I do. I won't bother you anymore."

After that, I practically run for the door. There's no way I want him to see me crying, 'specially not when I didn't even deserve such a civil let-down in the first place.

"Sakura!" he calls after me, frustrated.

(I don't know why, though… unless he really did want to reject me in person. Maybe that would've been his revenge. Although it still seems odd…)

I almost trip down the stairs five times but I eventually make it to the bathroom.

Yes. The bathroom.

Oh, please do be quiet and stop _judging!_

**_aaa_**

A/N: Actually, I feel kind of evil. Because I stopped it here. _But _I do have good news! Next chapter is the grand finale, and then there will be an epilogue after that, and the story will actually come to some sort of conclusion! So have no fear, 'cause this is the last cliffhanger of this story! I hope that sort of makes up for the fact that this chapter _is _a cliffhanger. Haha. You guys all...love me, right? (Shifts uncomfortably). And if any of you have read my profile, then I s'pose you heard about my plans to make a one-shot series based in this AU-verse after this is complete. So that will be the sort-of sequel for this story. ('Cause as much as I love it, doing a full-on sequel would equal my death.) Anyway! More info on that next chapter. At this current time, I'm just really hoping you enjoyed this one.


	15. and i don't want the world to see me

**9/8: she doesn't want to fight against the tide**

_(Currently ten thirty. Currently not wanting time to pass._)

Okay. So. Um.

I can't take anymore sick days off.

I can't just go up to him and try to make amends _again_.

I can't ignore him for the rest of my life.

SO WHAT **CAN **I DO, SELF?

_YOU SUCK._

Not quite admitting defeat,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––I _refuse _to be depressed about this. I refuse! I'm fifteen years old, for crying out loud. Just think of the people in third world countries who have a life expectancy rate of about fourteen!

…it's kind of working. Shut up.

* * *

**Art-Class-Freak: **Uchiha.

**UchihaS: **Fuck off.

**Art-Class-Freak: **No, thanks.

**Art-Class-Freak: **It's about Sakura.

**UchihaS: **…what about her?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Ha. I knew the magic word would do it.

**UchihaS: **What do you _want, _moron?

**Art-Class-Freak: **I wanted to tell you that you're going to have to do better than this if you want anything to happen between you two.

**UchihaS: **It's not my problem.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Au contraire, mon frère. How long have you known Sakura?

**UchihaS: **…what's your point?

**Art-Class-Freak: **My point is you're going to have to _tell _her what you think and feel, or she is not going to get it. She does not possess mind-reading powers, no matter how smart she is.

**UchihaS: **I don't see why this is important.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Are you mentally challenged_?_ She thinks you hate her.

**UchihaS: **…what?

**Art-Class-Freak: **She thinks that you _rejected _her, for whatever reason. I don't know what happened, but I _do _know Sakura.

**UchihaS: **I didn't…

**Art-Class-Freak: **You didn't _what?_

**UchihaS: **She shouldn't have taken that as a rejection.

**Art-Class-Freak: **So you _do _care.

**UchihaS: **As if it's your business, asshole.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Maybe it's not. But it's _Sakura's_.

**UchihaS: **Why do _you _care?

**Art-Class-Freak: **I was part of this from the beginning, Uchiha. I helped Sakura try to get you to notice her. The fact that you actually _do _care is a life-saver. And it is something you should let Sakura know.

**UchihaS: **What I do is _not _your problem.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Well, see, it isn't. But it is yours. If you want to be miserable and if you want to ensure that Sakura remains miserable, so be it.

**UchihaS: **I never said I would, idiot.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Then go and tell her your feelings already. She is _convinced _you don't feel the same way. She needs proof. She'll only believe it from you.

**UchihaS: **…you…really _are _doing this for her benefit, aren't you?

**Art-Class-Freak: **I value her as a friend.

**UchihaS: **Are you sure that's _all _you value her as?

**Art-Class-Freak: **Don't worry, Uchiha. I'm not encroaching on your territory. You are free to your little cherry blossom. But please get your act together.

**UchihaS: **I don't take orders.

**Art-Class-Freak: **_That _is not _my _problem.

**UchihaS: **But…

**Art-Class-Freak: **Hmm?

**UchihaS: **Thanks. For telling me.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Like you so eloquently stated, this was not for you.

**UchihaS: **I know that. But it helps.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Of course it does. Now stop dawdling and go get her.

**UchihaS: **Be warned, I still think you're an asshole.

**Art-Class-Freak: **Touché.

* * *

**10/8: well, uhh?**

I'm on the bus. I don't make a habit of this, I swear. I just… this is a stress-release. I need to be _de-stressed _to face school. School cannot be faced if I have even an ounce of stress left in my system. I just––

I'll probably break. To put it _lightly_.

Geez, I seriously angst a lot in this thing, don't I? It's like a super angst-fest. Angst, angst, _angst_. And if you're wondering, I'm trying to take my mind off things. And if at this point you're asking 'what things?' go back a few entries. It'll explain it all there.

Gah. I never knew the _actual _rejection part would hurt so much. I mean, I assumed from the beginning he didn't have feelings, right? I just _hoped_. Fruitlessly and pointlessly, granted, but I still did have hope. This turned out to be my downfall in regards to emotions.

**UGH. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. **

Or _merde, _as the French would say.

Or even _shisa_, if you swing the German way.

Okay. Okay. I am _not _very good at the whole taking-your-mind-off-it thing, but it helps if I can distract myself easily!

Crap. Crap. Crap. **CRAP. **The bus is getting closer to the school. That is technically what is _supposed _to happen, but I do not necessarily _want _it to happen.

**AGH. HOLD ME.**

Love from the brilliant beauty,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S––shut up. I happen to find alliteration soothing. Plus it's very funny.

And…okay… I'm kind of obsessed with it. Maybe I'm just a teensy bit obsessive…about things…

Ugh. OH MY GOSH I JUST **ADMITTED **IT. I must be heartbroken.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: **MWAH!**

Forehead, seriously. No angsting. I will not allow it. You were brave and courageous and you are **SMEX**. Nobody, not even the Emo Prince, will take these facts away from you. Plus, **MAYBE **you misinterpreted his reaction! He is no social butterfly and I also secretly suspect that he is an android that did not have some key emotions programmed into his system. And you, my lovely temptress, have caused him to malfunction and feel this emotion we humans call 'love'. Now he fails to understand how he can possibly go about dealing with this concept, and thus is a complete _loser _in terms of socialising! Maybe you can just go sort this out with him, yeah?

**COME ON. PLEASE? **I want _closure! _I want it to be _definite!_

This ordeal has been going on for _so long_…

Pleeeeease? I'll buy you a cookie. Or an ice-cream. Or something equally nutritious and rich in vitamins.

Go! Go! Kill!

Or, ahem, do other things.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

P.S––hey, with this whole talk show thing, can I be a presenter? I can totally imagine my awesome presence dominating and benefiting this 'talk show' idea. Tsunade-sama will _not _know what hit her! I swear. And no, I am not vain.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: SAKURAAAA-CHAN!

I _told _you Shino was a better choice. And yet, you do not listen, Sakura-chan. I haven't quite figured out what's going through the teme's head yet, but Ino told me the story after you had a, uh, 'cry-fest' in her terms. **SAKURA-CHAN, DON'T CRY! **The teme does not deserve your tears. In fact… I can go beat him up for you, if you want. Land him in hospital. Face the wrath of the fangirls for marring his pretty face?

(Ugh. Ew. I cannot believe I said that even as a joke.)

BUT I WILL FORCE THE TRUTH OUT OF HIM! YOU WILL SEE!

Uzumaki Naruto, to the rescue! The faith in my Jesus-complex is restored, Sakura-chan. I'll have you know it's 'cause people are actually congratulating me on not landing myself in detention for this stunt. Although it kind of hurts. Ye of so little faith! Shun the non-believers! _Shun!_

Uh, off-topic. Slightly. But have no fear, Sakura-chan!

**THERE WILL BE RETRIBUTION!**

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––I'll even buy you a bowl of ramen if you want. Ramen is the best kind of medicine. It makes all hurts go away! Believe it!

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: WHAT. THE. EFF.

You really _are _a social retard.

HAHA, SASUKE'S A RETARD, HAHA!

Geez. Why are you so popular with girls again?

You _suck_. Retard. Bastard. Asshole.

_LOSER!_

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S––yeah, okay, I'm done.

Shut up. I have _issues_.

So, um, yeah, what happened with Sakura-chan?

* * *

To: inobabexoxo; foxydemon  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: HAY, UM--

PLZ LEAVE ME ALONE KTHNXBAI.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: So?

Have you made any progress yet, Uchiha?

I'm getting impatient. GKA is renowned for its drama, especially when it involves you or Sakura.

_Sai._

* * *

To: foxydemon; artclassfreak  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

Fuck off, the both of you.

* * *

To: artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Waah

I'M HURT. WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S—I AM SO HURT YOU SHOULD BUY LUNCH FOR ME. YEAH.

* * *

**Haruno Sakura! Have you talked to the Idiot Prince yet?**

_Ino-pig, STOP BUGGING ME! I am trying to concentrate._

**Nu-uh, you SO don't get off the hook this lightly!**

_I HAVEN'T SEEN SASUKE-KUN AT ALL TODAY. GET OVER IT._

**Well, that is understandable. You haven't had any **_**classes **_**with him yet. SO PLZ GET OVER YOURSELF AND GET YOUR ASS OVER TO **_**HIM**_**.**

_What do you want me to do, demand that he should love me?_

**No. Demand an explanation. It's what you call it when you actually find out what the other person thinks. **

_I am done with 'explanations'. I fully intend to let this issue __**DROP.**_

**Dear Forehead, I am persisting for your benefit. It is no use to deny that you did not allow Emo Fringe to explain himself. Which means there is a chance—a high chance, okay, um, HIGH—that he indeed returns your feelings.**

_No, there is a high chance he does NOT._

**UM. WHAT. OH NO YOU DID NOT.**

_Calm, Ino-pig. Should I ask the nurse for your pills?_

**I SO DID NOT SACRIFICE SO MUCH FOR YOU JUST TO LET IT END LIKE THIS. **_**THIS, **_**BILLBOARD BROW, IS **_**NOTHING! **_**It is incomprehensible to me that you actually want things to continue like this.**

_Oh my gosh, moron, obviously I do not WANT it!_

**THEN WHY IS IT LIKE THIS!?**

_Shut up, Ino-pig. Kakashi-sensei is coming over here._

**Lyke, this is not over. Not even. **

* * *

Ino-pig basically attacked me after class was over. Then again, _what _did I expect? No good would have come of her silence. She would've just treated me like I was the spawn of Satan and had just majorly insulted the Girl Code. Getting the silent treatment from Ino-pig is equal parts frustrating and traumatic. Because she is _just that overbearing_.

"HARUNO SAKURA," were her immediate words after we managed to get out of the classroom.

"Great, um, wow. You know my name. I'm glad our friendship has progressed this much!" I respond wearily. "Ino-pig, I need to go to class. I don't _want _to get tardy minutes."

"That is not a good enough excuse!" she glares.

"What, you mean now academic achievement _isn't _a good thing?"

"Of course not! Not when you're being. A. Total. Loser."

"What?" I pause, flabbergasted. Did _Yamanaka Ino _just call me a _loser?_

In all our years of exchanging insults, she has never said it so _seriously _and harshly.

"I am _so _not," I growl.

"You are too."

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"ARE TOO! YOU AND THE KING OF RAZORS NEED TO **GET TOGETHER **ALREADY! I will not be held responsible for mopey-Sakura and angsty-Sasuke! I want you two to sort out your problems _now!_"

"Ino-pig, _sssh!_" I glance covertly around. No one seems too interested in our fight, which is increasing in volume by the minute. A few people are sending me scandalised looks, as if to say '_um, control her please?'. _But sorry. She is _so _unable to be controlled.

"I WILL _NOT _SSH. I AM NOT GOING TO BE OPPRESSED BY YOUR, UH, OPPRESSIVE REGIME. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT. ALLOWED. TO. BE. DEPRESSED. WHICH RHYMES WITH OPPRESSED. WHICH MEANS IT IS _BAD_. GOT THAT?"

I stare.

Um.

Is Ino-pig _shouting_? At me? About oppressive regimes? Just what has this school been teaching her? Arming Ino-pig with knowledge is like arming a sabre-toothed tiger with extra fangs. This is not something that needs to happen.

"Ino-pig—"

"No. Do not talk to me. _You _have to go seek out your Knight in Shining Hairspray before you become manic-depressive or something."

I sigh. Explaining to Ino-pig that you're born with manic-depression is probably—

She checks her watch. "But, oh crap, I'm gonna be late, too. I'm on my last warning. And detention is _so _passé. Ta-ta!"

She dashes off. I sigh, and after a moment's consideration…

I just go to class.

(I am _not _thinking about Sasuke-kun. I'm not I'm not I'm not.

No good will come of it, Ino-pig. IT JUST WON'T.)

* * *

**10/8: academic achievement my left foot**

So _maybe—_

Maybe I'm not paying as much attention to scholastic activities as I should.

But, can I say, _that's not my fault_.

I blame Ino-pig. And Naruto. Because without their constant emails pestering me and forcing me to take action, be womanly, march up to Sasuke-kun and _charm _his pants off—(these are not my words, these are _not _my words)—and, uh, do other things, I would be totally fine. I don't know, to me it just sounds like they're making their own brand of crazy. Okay. So maybe I didn't wait for him to _verbalise _his exact feelings, but his lack of response made it pretty _clear_.

Right?

_Right_.

And if you mention _one _thing about Egypt, I will KILL YOU.

Egypt is _not even on my map_.

For. Serious.

Love from me, my smexy boots and I,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S—I mean, come on. These totally beat Converse.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: HEY, YOU

Meet me by the parking lot after school. BECAUSE HAY, WE ARE GOING TO PLAN. AND PLAN _GOOD_. And tomorrow you are _so _bringing the Uchiha to his knees. There are no excuses, Forehead!

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

To: inobabexoxo  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Ugh

Fine. You'll just throw a tantrum anyways. Where do I meet you? The usual spot?

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

* * *

_Naruto. _

**Oi, teme, why're you passing notes in class? Augh, REBEL!**

_Whatever, dobe._

**Sooo, what is it? Wondering about dear little Sakura-chan?**

_Shut up. I already have a plan, moron._

**Ohhh. Is that why you've been avoiding her?**

_I'm glad you finally figured it out. I'm skipping next period to make sure she doesn't see me._

_**The **_**Uchiha Sasuke is skipping class?**

_Get over it. I need you to tell Ino something._

**Whaaat? That you've grown a brain?**

_Dobe. Just tell her to get Sakura over to where my car is parked after school. That's all I need._

**Oh, okay. Wait. Wait.**

…_what is it?_

**OH GODS, YOU'RE FINALLY MAKING YOUR MOVE. YOU AND SAKURA-CHAN ARE FINALLY GONNA GET TOGETHER.**

_Don't get your hopes up._

**Aw, come on, don't be such a pessimistic bastard. You luurve each other.**

_I guess._

**GASP. AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN DENY THAT. Teme, you're learning!**

_Ugh. Just remember to tell Ino._

* * *

To: inobabexoxo; artclassfreak  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: WOOT!

GUESS WHAT? SASUKE HAS BEEN POSSESSED BY ALIENS.

Or, well, actually. He's found that he actually does have common sense. It's amazing. I'm so proud of my little anti-social friend thing.

He's going to make his move _this afternoon_. Yeah, you read that right. _This afternoon_.

So, um, I need Ino to get Sakura-chan over to the teme's car this afternoon. MMKAY?

And Sai. Uh. Well. I JUST FELT LIKE TELLING YOU SO THERE.

-Naruto of Ramen

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: artclassfreak  
Subject: (none)

Well done, Uchiha. You may just have a chance.

_Sai._

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: inobabexoxo  
Subject: Ummm

Well, actually, I got to school late so I had to park somewhere different. Meet me at my locker after class and we'll walk there.

Hugs and kisses,  
Ino

* * *

No sign of Sasuke-kun _for the rest of the day._

Geez, God must love me. Or hate me, depending on what opinion you have. But I think a lack of confrontation is a whole lot better than a _lot _of confrontation. Don't you think? Yes, I think. Although it doesn't explain Ino-pig's majorly odd behaviour.

"But your usual parking spot _sucks_," I tell her. "No one else ever parks there. What kind of moron _would_?"

"Hmph," she glares. "It's the easiest one to reverse into!"

"Yeah, if you failed the lesson on parallel parking."

"Which I _did_."

"Which makes me wonder how the hell you got your licence in the _first _place."

"Because of my absolute and utter awesomeness," she crosses her arms over her chest. Sometimes I wonder how someone so well-endowed _can _do that. "Although the mini-skirt _might _have turned the odds in my favour. A little."

"Uh-huh," I roll my eyes. "Try a _lot_. And dude, did you park in the next suburb? Only retards park out this far."

Or people who don't want to have their shiny million dollar cars associated with the rest of the Volvos and Hondas. Like Sasuke-kun. But of course I won't say that. I haven't seen him all day, so I highly doubt he's even at school.

"Oh, my best friend is _so _delusional. And yet I love her. Please explain this to me, God," Ino asks the sky dramatically, batting her eyelashes at me. "But puh-lease, _hurry up before I stab you with my keys!_"

"What is oh-so-important and urgent that I have to _run_?" I ask, feeling clunky and heavy-footed in my boots. Dude, they may _look _the part, but they are not speed-friendly.

"You'll see," she replies in a sing-song voice. I wish I had something to throw at her head. It would be _so _fun. Plus it would probably just bounce off her hair.

Eventually we reach the place where Ino-pig _supposedly _parked her car. Only thing is, I don't see it anywhere. And considering it's a very vibrant shade of red, it's kind of unusual not to notice it.

Ino-pig pushes me lightly forward. "Now, now, _please don't kill me for this but I have to do it for your own good!_" she whispers.

…wait, what?

"Ino, what are you ta—"

"Sakura."

I look up, startled by the voice that is a few hundred octaves lower than Ino-pig's. And my eyes meet the same onyx eyes I've been _dreading _to meet all day.

I blink rapidly.

_Sasuke-kun?_

And Ino-pig is slowly retreating.

Oh, that bitch is going down.

* * *

**REASONS WHY I HATE INO-PIG—**

-Well, she doesn't even have to _try _and look stunning. I bet she just wakes up in the morning, rolls out of bed and goes to school. If she put effort in, she would look like a freakin' _goddess_.

-Despite this, she still manages to get pretty good grades. As in, she doesn't _flunk _anything. Which is unholy and unfair.

-She will not _get over _the fact that I'm fully capable of making my own decisions and just interferes when she, uh, _shouldn't!_

-She. Um. Has bigger boobs than me.

UGH. WHY AM I BEST FRIENDS WITH HER? WHYYY?

**(**_**It's all her fault I'm currently in this situation**_**.)**

* * *

So I'm in Sasuke-kun's car.

Don't ask. I'm not exactly sure how I got here, either.

One moment I was telling Sasuke-kun that _okay, funny joke, but I'm going to leave now _and next minute he was smirking and ushering me into the car and _I was not protesting_. I don't know why. But it's just the—the smirk—it's hard to resist, because it's almost like a smile. And if Sasuke-kun is happy, then I'm happy, too.

And I really, really hate Ino-pig.

I don't know where he's taking me. I asked him to take me home, but he didn't respond or anything, so it could be _anywhere_.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. **UGH.**

Why will no one accept my decision to ignore Sasuke-kun!?

(He has already _rejected _me. It's not like there's anything left to break. Right…?

No getting your hopes up, Sakura. No, no, _no_.)

"Sasuke-ku—Sasuke," I amend quickly. Hello, I don't want to _seem _like a total hopeless loser anymore, mmkay? "Where are we going?"

He doesn't respond. Figures. I hazard a glance over at him, and notice he's gripping the steering wheel exceptionally hard. His fingers are turning blue.

Um. Did he, like, skip out on his medicine today?

I just stay quiet after that. No point in initiating conversation with someone who refuses to talk back.

The car pulls to a stop a few minutes later. Although those few minutes were like hell. Imagine awkward silence times a thousand.

"Uh…Sasuke…this definitely _isn't _my house," I blink at the vast expanse of _green _on my right. It looks… like a park.

He just gives me a cautiously blank stare.

"We're going for a walk," he says by way of explanation, getting out of the car and starting off towards the park.

Um. Okay?

(What _is _this, anyway? Ino!)

I get out, too, following him. Pretty much because I'm stranded in the middle of nowhere, and I'd rather stick with my only ride home. The place looks kind of familiar, though. It looks like…

Oh. _Oh. _

"This is… where we met," I gulp, glancing at Sasuke-kun.

"Hn," he responds.

(See, we met when my mother took me to this park once. Sasuke-kun was sitting on the swings, sulking. I offered him some of my tomato sandwich.

"I ran away from home," he said, before taking it.

We sat there together for hours, till I had to go home.

…and then he turned up in kindergarten the next week, and we became friends.

It's funny how things work out, really. I almost forgot.)

"But, um, _why_—" okay, calm, Sakura. No need to be spastic. "—why are we here?"

We've reached the swings from my memory. They look a lot smaller than they used to. I guess it comes with growing up. Gods, I haven't been back here in an _age_. I didn't know it was so near the school, either.

Sasuke-kun's standing ramrod straight, tense. He stares at me.

"Did you want to…talk about something?" I ask hesitantly.

Silence, for a few moments. Then…

"Let me… tell you a story. One that I've been… trying to forget."

I stare back. "O-okay…"

I'm not sure what to feel right now. Why is Sasuke-kun doing this…?

(Do I want to know?)

"When I was little, I ran away from home for… a few hours, I suppose. I was upset over… something that I don't even remember," his voice is wobbly, like it can't find anything to balance on. "I didn't want friends. I didn't want to be close to anyone. I thought… that maybe it would be easier not to be. And then I met somebody who showed me the first moment of kindness… ever."

That's…me, right?

(Okay, okay, I'm interrupting the narrative. Sorry!)

"…and then when I saw her again," he's looking away now. Hell, I'm trying to aswell. It's proving to be difficult. "I was _happy_. It was odd, for me. I spent a lot of time wanting to impress her, but never knowing how. So I just… stuck by her. I tried to. I tried not to be jealous when others were so open around her… and when she decided to make other friends and leave me behind…"

Oh, gods. I really, really, really hate Ino-pig. I abandoned Sasuke-kun for _her_.

"…I wanted to hate her. Because she gave me kindness, and then she drifted away. For a long time I felt like that… but then I decided it had been my fault. Because I had never shown how much I'd cared. How much I'd appreciated her. Years later… I didn't want to see her as a friend. I didn't want to, because I knew she'd probably just leave again…I'm not the best company, only idiots befriend me…"

This is the most Sasuke-kun has ever said in his life. I think. I mean, eegads! I'm trying not to blush. I really am. I'm not I'm not I'm not—

Um. Uh. Well. Did he really…reject me…or was I just imagining that…?

"…but then she started seeing someone," his voice cracks a little. "Everything that I'd tried to forget came to the surface again, reminding me of… how much I did care. And how much I thought I never had. It got stronger, instead of going away… I tried to deny it, but… I couldn't. And then, it got more complicated… and after so many ordeals, when she kissed me…"

He's staring at me again now. AGH. I'M SO SORRY, SASUKE-KUN.

"…I thought maybe it was kindness. Until it seemed like it was just all a ploy… I felt betrayed again. Like she'd single-handedly taken everything away. But… now I realise that was stupid, too, because she… she actually felt the same way as me, and I never thought to ask. I never saw it."

…oh. Oh. _Oh._

I think Sasuke-kun maxed out his word limit for the rest of his life… I mean, _oh gods, _this is a really heated and passionate moment and _I'm _the one who is at loss for words…

_And I'm not the one babbling for once. This is extraordinary._

We're both… just as nervous as each other, aren't we?

"Um…" I'm blushing horrendously. _Horrendously_. "…that…girl…is _me_, right…?"

(It would be such an anticlimax if it wasn't and Sasuke-kun is actually leading some sort of double life.)

He stares at me for a few moments. And then the corners of his lips turn up and—

Oh. My. Gosh. _**IS HE SMILING!?**_

Sasuke-kun is _smiling. Sasuke-kun _is smiling. Oh. Oh _gods_.

"Annoying…" he mutters under his breath, and leans down, brushing his lips against mine.

(This is not good for my health. I could have an aneurysm. My legs are officially jelly.)

"Sasuke-kun…" I gulp, pulling back a little. And, oh, shut up about the suffix. You all know I could never have survived long without it. "Did I mention before that I'm really, really sorry about everythi—"

"You got me to realise what I should've realised a long time ago," he interjects. "And don't be an idiot. Stop apologising."

Gaaah!

"O-okay," I respond shakily, before pulling him down to kiss me again.

Hello. He forgives me. He forgives me! _He forgives me!_

And he… he _cares, _too.

I swear, though, just before I kissed him—

I swear I heard him whisper "I love you".

(And I'm _not _going to deny this one.)

* * *

A/N: LIKE, OH MY GOSH. I DID THE LAST OFFICIAL CHAPTER. I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT. I'M AWESOME. YEAH.  
Plus, now you guys can all look forward to the epilogue which should be up, like, real soon. Yesss.  
I'M ALMOST DONE. WOOT! ALL THE DRAMA IS **DONE**. Look forward to some SasuSaku sappiness, guys.  
So...on that note, what did you think?


	16. and now the curtains close for today

**Top Reasons Why My Life **_**Doesn't **_**Suck**

Compiled by Haruno Sakura,  
_With awesome comments by Yamanaka Ino_

1. I have a totally awesome boyfriend who is, well, _totally awesome_

_Yeah, seriously. Share the love, forehead-girl! Share. The. Love. You get hot man candy, courtesy of me, and you don't even think to include me in your list._

2. Okay, fine, I also have totally awesome friends. Most importantly—Ino-pig. Because she is the bestest friend I could ever ask for! Yay!

_No need to be so sarcastic. It __**burns**__. _

3. My aforementioned boyfriend just bought me _the _best shoes I think I have ever seen in my whole entire life ever.

_Aww, what about those boots __**I **__bought you? Or are they suddenly inferior?_

4. My hair is still the awesomest it has ever been

_Dude, adjectives, puh-lease. There are words other than awesome._

5. Our circle of friends is now the strongest _ever! _I am so glad Sasuke-kun lets Sai hang with us, because that is the best present I could ask for

…_**OKAY. NO NEED TO MAKE ME JEALOUS HERE.**_

6. I AM HAPPY. NO ANGST AT ALL. NONE. NADA. ZILCH.

_And who is responsible for all that non-angst? Me! I should be given things, too._

* * *

**20/8: uh, can you say CHA-CHING?**

So. It's been a week and a half since the Park Incident, as I call it (although Ino-pig calls it the Park Epiphany because _she's lame_) and I have been basically on Cloud Nine for the entirety of that time. I mean please. I'm officially dating _the _Uchiha Sasuke who I have been in love with for, oh, I don't know, a _gazillion years? _Plus I think Sasuke-kun feels kinda bad for some reason so—

Sakura-chan is _totally _benefited by the fact Sasuke-kun is a millionaire and heir to a family fortune that could probably buy several small countries. With an amusement park. (I get to mooch off him _so _bad. At least it means he buys me caramel frappuccinos whenever I ask for them.)

I've also reached the conclusion that I'm probably going to stop writing in my diary as much. And when I say that, I mean I'll probably stop writing _full stop_. Of course, it's all fine and good when life's being a bitch and you want it to be _so much more_, but right now life is perfectly a-okay with me. Seriously. _**I WOULD NOT HAVE THE NERVE TO COMPLAIN ANYMORE**_**.**

(Unless you want to get into specifics. In which case, I'm kinda pissed that I have to sacrifice a date with Sasuke-kun to study for a stupid Economics test.)

This past month… well, I've probably learned more than I have in my entire life. Before I was just blindly in love with Sasuke-kun, never justifying it to myself or asking myself _why _it hurt so badly to want him so much. And then I just disregarded that to revel in the whole _Sai _thing—and now I know how important Sai's friendship is, and Sasuke-kun's love is, and hell, I _am repentant. _

But I think, because I have a major tendency to overanalyse things, and this diary probably isn't helping that, that it would probably be a good time to bid it farewell.

So, dear diary—

You've been my friend through the most difficult period in my life, and I thank you oh-so-much, Mr. Inanimate Object Incapable of Emoting.

But seriously. Right now I just want to live like I never have before.

Farewell for the finally fantabulous time,  
Haruno Sakura

* * *

To: UchihaS; prettyprincess77  
From: foxydemon  
Subject: Well, hi!

Teme! Sakura-chan!

This is your respective best friend speaking—I am much cooler than Ino—who you seem to have forgotten about this past week. I still exist, you know. I am still eating ramen and failing classes and helping people out globally.

_Just because _you guys after finally together after about ten years doesn't mean _I _have to give a shit. So plz, take time off your lives and come to this PAH-TAY! It is being held at _my _house—got that, teme? I'm not in the mood for your bitchy whining about how your house got toilet-papered last time—and everyone who is somebody will be there. Which means you guys can stop with the smoochies and come, too.

Yes, teme, I can almost _feel _your glare. Agh, I flail!

I SAY—

I AM MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN THE BOTH OF YOU COMBINED. I already _had _to accept that you chose the teme over me, Sakura-chan, pleeease don't make this more traumatic! Please? I'll give you a cookie. If I have a cookie. I think the last one is wedged in the sofa somewhere, if you want it.

-Naruto of Ramen

P.S—considering you have been ignoring me, I demand you buy me lunch. I do. I will not cease and desist until I have lunch. THAT IS RIGHT AHAHAHA—yeah.

* * *

To: prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: …

Do you want to go to the party?

It sounds stupid. But I'll go if you want to.

-Sasuke

* * *

To: UchihaS  
From: prettyprincess77  
Subject: Heehee

Aww, that's so sweet, Sasuke-kun!

I guess I really _should _be studying for Economics, but…

…can we say that Naruto forced us? Kakashi-sensei will believe it.

Out,  
Sakura-chan!

P.S--HAY THAT IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SIGNED OFF WITH YOUR NAME. Usually you don't bother. I feel special.

* * *

To: foxydemon; prettyprincess77  
From: UchihaS  
Subject: (none)

We're coming, dobe. No need to get so worked up over it.

And shut up, Sakura.

* * *

**So, forehead-girl, LET'S GO SHOPPING!**

…_what do you want __**this **__time, Ino-pig?_

**For the party, duh. The party I am forcing you to go to? The party we are getting prepared for **_**together**_**, screw Emo Fringe?**

My fringe is not emo.

_Sasuke-kun, don't mind her. She's delusional._

**HELLO? You so would have agreed with me, like, two months ago.**

…thanks, Sakura.

_Ugh, I __**so **__would not have! I told you, Sasuke-kun, she has an unstable balance on reality._

**Puh-lease, it's you two who are being all lovey-dovey. Plus, Sakura, what about that time when you said that Sasuke was the biggest assh—**

_I SAID NO SUCH THING!_

**Geez, you could've let me finish writing first.**

It's good to know I'm appreciated.

_You are way more appreciated than INO-PIG, you know. And Ino-pig, Sasuke-kun is picking me up, so deal with it._

**BLASPHEMY. **

How so?

**You don't even know what the word 'fashion' means. How are you going to give Sakura constructive criticism on her outfit?**

_Well, see, he has three different types of 'Hns'…_

I do?

**He does?**

_Not that I, uh, catalogue them or anything!_

**Oooh, do tell, my liege.**

_Ino-pig, what did I __**tell **__you about watching period dramas? Ugh. Anyway, there's:  
-the unenthusiastic 'Hn', the one where he sorta rolls his eyes, which means 'I __**really **__do not like that outfit'_

_-the slightly appreciative 'Hn', where he looks for a few moments, and then away, which means 'That one is cute, I wouldn't be embarrassed going with you if you wore that' _

_-or, the uh, last one… the 'Hn' just before he, uh, kisses me… which I'm pretty sure is something like 'You are really sexy' or otherwise Sasuke-kun is just strange like that_

**So Sasuke **_**does **_**have hormones, after all. Intriguing. **

I'm right here.

**Ah, but do you deny it, dear Sasuke?**

Why should I? She's my girlfriend.

_See, Ino-pig? SASUKE-KUN IS __**SWEET**__. Unlike everyone else I know. Hint, hint._

**I got the hint, forehead. But seriously. Sasuke, sweet?**

…again, I'm right here.

_Just ignore her, Sasuke-kun. She is __**laaame**__. She cannot understand how totally not-lame you are, considering she is the QUEEN OF LAME._

**Oh, wow, I'm hurt. I think I might cry.**

_Boo-hoo._

Whatever. Sakura, I'm picking you up at eight, right?

_Uh-huh!_

**YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN, UCHIHA. YOU TOO, FOREHEAD.**

_Bite me._

…what she said.

* * *

"Sakurraaaa," Ino whines.

"You're just jealous 'cause I look so hot," I reply airily, getting into the car.

(So we came to a compromise. Naruto came to pick us up an hour before the party starts, so everyone is cramming into his four-wheel-drive.

I know. Entrusting Naruto with a four-wheel-drive is _not _smart. Don't blame _me_.)

"And yet you _didn't _take my advice," she continues, prodding at the sleeve of my shirt. "Sleeve_less _means 'clothing which is lacking sleeves' and this is clearly not falling under that definition."

"It's _cold_," I roll my eyes.

"She looks fine, stop annoying her," came Sasuke-kun's curt response. Actually, he said a lot more than 'fine' when I first showed him this outfit, but if he ever said any of those things when we _weren't _alone, I would start fearing for his health.

"And so do you," Sai adds generously, giving Ino a small smile.

Of course, Ino-pig doesn't really need that kind of reassurance.

"Sure I do. I am _sexy_," she responds loftily, reapplying her lip gloss for what I am pretty sure is the gazillionth time.

I roll my eyes. "Keep telling yourself that, pig."

"Oh, like you can talk, Sakura. Your forehead _shines_. It could be a landing port for helicopters."

"Yeah? Well, your nose is demented, like Michael Jackson's!"

"Your forehead is the size of China!"

"Your nose looks like a sharpener!"

"Your forehead is one of the Seven Wonders! You can see it from space!"

"Your nose looks like one of those dead animals somebody ran over on the freeway!"

We continue like this for quite awhile, until Naruto announces that we're a few minutes away from his house. I settle back into my seat, sending Ino-pig a glare. Of course, we rarely ever _actually _fight, and we suck at holding grudges. Best friends just understand each other, you know?

But… Ino-pig's not my only best friend, of course. (Although if I ever told this to her, she would probably disembowel me with a hair straightener. If it's even possible to do that.)

There she is, reapplying her lip gloss _again_—it must've rubbed off with all that verbal abuse she was hurling at me. Ino-pig and I have been friends too long for anything to get in the way of that. Even our constant insulting of each other.

Then there's Naruto, singing along to Britney Spears in a very horrible voice and only barely dodging other cars with his massive monstosaurus. Overbearing and obnoxious and _loud_, and the younger brother I never asked for, but still a good friend.

Then there's Sai, idly sketching something and smirking a little as Ino-pig whines about the fact that I have somehow made her mascara run. He's a little withdrawn, is our Sai, but I love him for it—in a completely platonic way, of course.

And then… there's Sasuke-kun, who looks absolutely murderous and like he's about to throttle Naruto. But when he catches me looking at him, he offers me a half-smile. A half-smile that makes my heart pretty much sing—uh, the hills are alive and all, right? A half-smile that is decidedly fantabulous.

One that says '_thankyou_'.

(And I know right now that here, with these people, is where I wanna be most. Because these are the most important people in my life now, and I'll never forget them.

We are the five musketeers, after all. Okay, okay, so there weren't _really _five, but now, I couldn't imagine a group if one of them was missing. It would be, like, blasphemy.)

* * *

**20/8: okay, okay, **_**JUST ONE MORE**_

I said my last entry was my absolute _last _one, but really—

Do you, like, trust _anything _I say anymore?

I just want to add one more thing—

**Sasuke-kun and I? **We are _destined_.

(AND INO-PIG HAS A GIANT NOSE.

…okay, not really. But it is what she gets for reading over my shoulder.)

I promise this time is the _real _farewell,  
Haruno Sakura

P.S—but the number _one _reason why my life doesn't suck?

Because it never did, not really. Not while Sasuke-kun was there.

* * *

**The List of Things We, as a Couple, Have to Do—**

Mostly written by Haruno Sakura,  
_…with Uchiha Sasuke having some input_

1. HORSEBACK RIDING.

…_seriously?_

Yes, seriously, Sasuke-kun.

_I have never ridden a horse before in my __**life**__._

Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there?

_Whatever you say…_

2. Having a romantic picnic with coffee. And strawberries. And tomatoes.

_If that's the only thing we're going to be having, it's not very nutritious._

Oh. Em. Gee. Did you just make a joke? (Albeit not a very funny one, but still.)

…_no. Of course not. You're delusional._

SASUKE-KUN MADE A JOKE!

_The world must be ending._

3. Apply to the same colleges, of course!

_Where do you want to apply?_

Hmm. Well… it's more a question of what I can _afford_… which is, like, a community college, really.

_You're too smart for a community college._

Awwww, really? I'm blushing.

_It's a fact, not a compliment. _

Well, okay, yeah, but…

4. Have a moonlit dinner with candles and a Jacuzzi after the Prom, duh! With a hotel room with lobsters and chocolate and—

_Don't get too ahead of yourself._

But you'll pay for it, won't you, Sasuke-kun?

_Hn…_

That 'hn' means 'yes', so thanks!

_Wait, what?_

5. _Shut up about all these interesting things we can do—_

But I thought you liked talking about them, Sasuke-kun?

—_and go __**do **__them?_

Oh. Oh, okay, that works, too!

…_whatever, Sakura._

I love you too, Sasuke-kun.

* * *

A/N: IT'S DONE. OVER. FINITO. OHMYGOSH. LYKE, OHMYGOSH.  
I THINK I'M HYPERVENTILATING. IT'S DONE IT'S DONE IT'S DONE.  
MY FIRST COMPLETED STORY **EVER.**

...okay, I'm over it. I couldn't resist finishing the epilogue and posting it ASAP. I just really wanted to turn the status to 'complete'. It is so fulfilling. Yes, yes it is.

Now--IMPORTANT NEWS ALL FANS MUST LISTEN TO:  
1. My profile officially has the link to a requests post, which takes requests for one-shots for the _sequel _to this story. Yes, the sequel is a one-shot anthology, so there will be SasuSaku sappiness abounds and any other pairings you want, too. Clickie on the link in my profile to get to the requests page so you can post one! I WANT ALL FANS TO DO SO. YESSS.  
2. There should also be a poll in my profile wherein it will list possible names for the one-shot anthology. PLZ VOTE 'CAUSE I FAIL AT DECISIVENESS.

AND NOW: IT'S DONE IT'S DONE IT'S DONE. I LOVE YOU ALL, MMKAY? YEAH. I SO DO.


End file.
